"Second Chances"
(Continued)

Doug couldn’t seem to keep his mind on his work all morning. Cassidy was playing happily in her sleep-n-play and he caught himself watching her more than keeping his eyes on his work at the computer. He finally gave it up as a lost cause. He went to her and lifted her into his arms, sitting her on his desk to put her snow suit on her. Once he had her bundled, hooded, and gloved, he pulled into his own coat, cap, scarf, and gloves and carried her out of the office, turning out the light and closing the door behind him. He stopped by the desk at the end of the hall and left word with the secretary that he would be ‘out’ for a while and he wasn’t sure when he would return, if at all for the rest of the day.

He walked along the lake front not far from the hospital, carrying the chattering baby in his arms.

"Well, Cass, your Daddy spent the night the other night with a woman who wasn’t your Mommy...what do you think about that?" He smiled weakly at the little girl, who was giving him her undivided attention, as if she understood every word he was saying to her. "And you know what? It felt really good" Cassidy patted his face with her gloved hands. "It was good to be in the arms of a woman and feel her love again" he told her. "I don’t want to raise you alone, Cass. I’d like to have other children. And I don’t want to be alone, either. I need the companionship of someone who cares about me. You can understand that, can’t you?" He sat on a bench facing the lake, watching the ducks come in for a landing, and he held the baby on his lap. "You like Aunt Carol, don’t you?" Cassidy looked up at him with a pensive expression and he chuckled at her. "She sure likes you. I can tell that. What do you think, Cass? Should we start letting Carol become more a part of our world? Huh?" The baby smiled and chattered gleefully, making him smile and hug her tight. "God, I love you" he told her. "Your Mommy would be so proud of you now. You’re happy. And healthy. Do you know you’re the light of my life?" he grinned at her. "I want both of us to be happy, Cass. I loved your Mommy with all my heart. And I miss her like crazy. Every day when I look at you, I wish she could see you and hear you laugh. I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life that you won’t ever remember her or even know her. We do OK on our own, I know. And we have Uncle Mark, and Uncle Rick, and Aunt Nina, and Aunt Kerry to help us out whenever we need it. And they’re all great, I know. And Uncle Chris will be coming soon and you don’t remember him much, either, but, he’ll be around long enough this time that you’ll get to know him. You’ll like him. He’s like Uncle Rick and he’s a lot of fun." He looked out over the lake and sighed. "I just don’t have any answers with Carol, Cass. I want to be with her but I’m so afraid...."

"What are you afraid of?" he heard a soft voice behind him. He turned quickly, and startled, to see Rick Schlister coming down the steps behind him. He came down beside him and stopped.

"How long have you been standing back there?"

"Long enough" he nodded. "OK if I join you?"

"Sure" Doug motioned to a seat on the bench beside him.

"So, what are you afraid of?" he repeated his initial question as he reached over to play with Cassidy, who was still sitting on Doug’s lap.

"I’m afraid of getting close. I’m afraid of giving myself to someone again. I’m afraid of a lot of things" Doug sighed.

"So, you want to live as a recluse the rest of your life? You want to shut yourself off from feelings? From the happiness you could have if you let yourself go? Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? Alone? And brooding?"

"No" he shook his head. "Of course not."

"Cass is going to grow up, you know. You can only hold her just so long. Pretty soon, she’ll be starting her own life and then you’ll be completely alone. Is that what you have to look forward to?"

"I don’t know" he shook his head again, sighed, and dropped his eyes to the ground.

"Look, Doug, I’m not a psychiatrist. And I’ve never been one to pass judgments on anybody, least of all my best friend. But, I know you, Buddy. I know how you are and I know you’re not a man meant to live alone. You need the companionship and the guidance of a woman...a woman who cares about you...a woman who loves you. Now, I know you went through a time in your life when you had a different woman every night of the week, and you were never happy. You were looking for something more and you found it when you found Caitlyn. And she was wonderful. She was kind, and sweet, and caring...she loved you so much it shined through in everything she did. She gave you the most wonderful gift of love in the world..." Rick reached over and touched Cassidy’s cheek gently. "And I know you loved her. She knew you loved her. You were the last thing she remembers in this material world. You were holding her hand and you were right there with her. You did your job. You supported her to the bitter end. ‘Til Death Do Us Part’ was the vow you took. Well, Buddy, death has parted you. You kept that vow..."

"I just never thought it was going to be so soon" Doug sighed. "I thought we’d have a lot of time together."

"Everybody thinks that when they get married. I’m sure there are other things you never planned on in your life. I’m sure you never planned on getting the crap kicked out of you and being left with kidney problems, either, but, it happened. We don’t know what life has in store for us, Doug, we just take it one day at a time."

"Why would God take away a beautiful woman in the prime of her life and leave her husband and child alone?" Doug shook his head.

"For the same reason he would give a beautiful four year old girl brain cancer" Rick told him. "We don’t have the answers for things like that."

"I know" Doug nodded. "We’re supposed to just accept it."

"That’s right. We accept it. We grieve over it. And then we go on. And that’s what you need to do, Buddy. You need to go on with your life."

"I’m just so scared, Rick! I’m afraid to get close to Carol and let her into my life. What if I do that and she gets taken away from me, too? I can’t go through that again..."

"You can look at it that way" Rick nodded. "But, what if you don’t and you miss out on a life together with her? More children? And a woman you can love and one that loves you back? Are you willing to take that chance?"

"I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m willing to take a chance either way. I know I have strong feelings for Carol...I may even be falling in love with her." He paused, deep in thought. Rick waited for him to continue. "After Kate died, I started having this dream, almost every night. I could see her standing at the foot of my bed watching over me. Since I came here, it’s getting harder and harder to see her. It’s like she’s drifting away from me."

"She’s letting you go, Pal. And she’s hoping you’ll do the same with her."

"I had a dream while I was still staying with Kerry, right after I got out of the hospital. Kate came to me and told me I was supposed to be here. I wasn’t supposed to go to California with you, but I was supposed to stay here. My fate was here. And my fate was with Carol Hathaway" he looked over at Rick with a puzzled look. "Does that make any sense to you?"

"It makes perfect sense to me" Rick nodded. "I thought I was the only one that was crazy" he chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

"Caitlyn came to me, too. I was sure I was dreaming, but, I know I was wide awake. She told me to come for this convention...that something major was supposed to happen in my life here. And it did. This Oncology job is one that will put me back into practice, which is something I never thought I’d do, but, it still leaves time for research. And my research partner is right here in Chicago with me" Rick smiled over at Doug. "Sometimes we can’t explain why things happen the way they do, Doug, but if we’re not both supposed to be here, then why are we both here?"

"Does that mean you’re taking this job offer?"

"It sure does" he nodded. "I’ll be going back to California long enough to get everything ready to move here. I’ve already found an apartment. Well, actually, Mark found it for me...he’s a pretty neat guy, isn’t he?"

"Yeah, he’s pretty OK" Doug nodded and smiled.

"Anyway, it’s a great place and I’ve already put the deposit down on it. I’m going to take this job and stay in Chicago...we’ll just be a team here instead of out west like we originally planned."

"I’m kind of glad" Doug nodded. "You’ll be here and Chris is coming in to train for a race...he’s going to be close by for a few months. There’s only one thing on my horizon bothering me."

"Oh yeah? What’s that?"

"I have to go back to New York and clear that apartment out. My lease is running out."

"And this is a bad thing?"

"I haven’t been back there since the night Kate died. I went into it long enough to get clothes for me and Cass and we stayed with Jacque and Beth. I don’t know how I’m going to feel walking back into that place again."

"Do you want someone to go with you? I can maybe go with you if you don’t want to go alone..."

"Carol already offered to go. And I’d like her to go."

"Then, take her with you." Rick smiled. "I think that might be better therapy for you anyway."

"I’m really confused about a lot of things, Rick. The only thing I’m really secure with is this little punkin nose right here" he patted Cassidy’s back. "And Carol. I felt pretty secure in her arms the other night."

"There’s nothing wrong with that, Buddy. There’s nothing wrong with living and feeling good about it. Carol’s not taking Caitlyn’s place...nobody can ever do that. Carol’s just giving your life a new dimension."

"Yeah" he nodded. "And I think it’s time I stopped being afraid of that, huh?"

"It’s OK to be afraid. I’ve never even been able to commit to one woman, so I envy you for being able to do even that much. I just haven’t met my match yet. You’re lucky enough to find it twice in one lifetime. That’s rare, Buddy. You better reach out and grab that brass ring before the carousel stops moving!"

"Like that old Eagles song Chris always likes to play? ‘Desperado’?"

"Right" Rick nodded. "You better let somebody love you before it’s too late!"

"I never thought I could feel for another woman the way I felt about Kate" Doug shook his head. "But when I was with Carol the other night..." he closed his eyes and sighed.

"It was good, huh?" Rick smiled at him.

"It wasn’t just good, it was this side of heaven."

"Then, go for it, Buddy. Don’t let her slip away. You courted Caitlyn and swept her off her feet. I don’t know Carol, but I don’t know a woman anywhere that doesn’t enjoy a good courtship from a man. Just take a deep breath, and plunge into it...full speed ahead."

"What were you doing down here, anyway?" Doug chuckled at him.

"I went by your office and you weren’t there. I figured I’d find you someplace like this. It always used to be Central Park by the ice rink in New York." Rick chuckled back. "Come on, it’s freezing out here! Let’s go back to the hospital and get some hot chocolate...I have a meeting with David Morganstern in about a half hour."

"What are you meeting with Morganstern about?" Doug asked him as they got to their feet to start back.

"About working with my research partner." Rick smiled and slapped his friend on the back as they walked away from the lake.

Carol sat sipping coffee at the table in her home. Her thoughts were fixed on Doug and the love they had shared by the fireplace just a few nights before. She could still taste his kisses and feel his caresses. He was so tender and sweet she never wanted it to end. His hands were so soft, and he knew all the right places to touch her. She could close her eyes and still feel his lips nibbling at the nipples on her breasts and feel the warm sensation of his passion rising inside her.

"Carol?" her thoughts were interrupted by her mother coming through the front door. "Are you home?"

"I’m in the kitchen, Mama!" she called back, rolling her eyes in her head. The last thing she needed was an argument with her mother.

"Aren’t you working today?" her mother called as she came through the house.

"I don’t go in until three" Carol told her. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked as Helen came into the kitchen.

"Sure, but, I’ll get it. Don’t get up!"

Helen was a petite woman with a lot of gusto. She was extremely opinionated where her daughter was concerned and never let her get by without knowing what she thought about things. She had drummed her own opinions and ideas about men and life into Carol from the time she was just a little girl. Even now that her daughter was an adult, she still offered her thoughts whether they were welcome or not.

"I know that look" Helen sat down across from her. "Is it David again?"

"David is history" Carol scoffed.

"I’ve heard that before" Helen nodded. "And then when you see him, you crumple."

"Well, not anymore" Carol shook her head. "I’ve met somebody new."

"Wonderful!" Helen seemed truly glad to hear this. "Who is he?"

"His name is Doug Ross and he’s new to the staff at the hospital..."

"Another doctor? Oh, Carol, really! Didn’t you learn anything at all from your experience with David?"

"Doug’s nothing like David, Mama! He’s not cocky and egotistical. And he has a child..."

"A child?! This is a GOOD thing? Does he at least support it?"

"He HAS the child, Mama. His wife is dead."

"How old is this man?"

"He’s 32 I think. His little girl is just a baby...9 months old. He’s wonderful, Mama. I think I’m falling in love with him."

"You know how I feel about that" Helen scoffed.

"Yeah, I know, Mama, you tell me all the time that I can’t trust men...but all men aren’t like that! Doug is wonderful. And he’s already been married so I know he can commit. And you should see him with that little girl..."

"So, exactly when do I get to meet Mr. Wonderful?"

"Soon, I hope. I hope to be seeing a lot more of him in the very near future...you’re sure to meet him then."

"I can’t tell you how to live your life" Helen sighed. "And you have to make your own decisions about things. All I can tell you is to be careful...and to remember David West."

"Believe me, Mama, I will never forget what happened with David West."

"You’re sure it’s this man you want? And not the child?"

"They’re a package deal. And they’re both great. But I was attracted to Doug before I even knew about Cassidy. She was just icing on the cake."

"As long as she’s not a replacement" Helen scoffed.

"No one could ever replace Teresa" Carol shook her head sadly.

Sometime after Helen left, Carol found herself in the attic going through a trunk of old baby clothes. She had been in the final stages of adopting Teresa, a little Asian girl, when the proceedings were abruptly halted. The center wasn’t aware that Carol had been addicted to drugs. Though she argued they were prescription drugs and it wasn’t her fault, it made no difference to the authorities. Her rights to adopt were stopped. Only one person could have told them anything about that and that one person was David West. She never confronted him but she knew. And that was when she ended their relationship. Some of the clothes she had were the size Cassidy would be just about ready to wear. She wondered about offering them to Doug...and she made it a point to talk to him about that as soon as she could.

Kerry Weaver was working at the front desk in the ER when a man in a sharp three piece suit stopped in front of her and offered her a business card. "Leonard Chaffin, Attorney at Law" the card read.

"I’m looking for Dr. Douglas Ross" he told her calmly. "Could you tell me where I might find him, please?"

"What’s he done now?" Kerry chuckled.

"I’m sorry?" The lawyer did not understand the joke.

"I’m sorry" Kerry shook her head. "Personal joke! Doug’s office is on the third floor. It’s at the end of the hall on the right."

"Thank you" he nodded his appreciation and disappeared down the hall.

"Wonder what that’s all about?" Kerry wondered to herself as she watched him go.

David Morganstern sat in shock behind his desk, glaring over at Rick Schlister in sheer disbelief of what he had just heard.

"You would ACCEPT a consultant’s fee salary to bring your research to County?" David shook his head. "I’m pleased to hear this...in fact I’m tickled to death! But, I can’t for the life of me imagine why!"

"Let’s just say the elements I need are here" Rick smiled. "I’ve accepted an Oncology position with a specialist group here in town. They will get me back into practice but still leave me time for my research. My top research partner is here and I’m getting a top notch salary with the Oncology group. I don’t need to milk the hospital for funds it doesn’t have just to further my research."

"You know I’d pay you more, if I could..."

"I’m sure you would. And I’m sure you’ll put into the budget for an increase next year." Rick smiled.

"Yes," Morganstern nodded. "Yes, I surely will! Are you sure about this, Rick? I mean, really sure?"

"I’m sure" Rick nodded.

"Then I guess all that’s left is a handshake!" David reached his hand across the desk and Rick met it halfway with one of his own and a smile.

"I’m looking forward to it" Rick assured him.

Leonard Chaffin went slowly down the third floor hallway until he came to the door that read DOUGLAS ROSS, MD, PEDIATRICS. He knocked loudly and waited for the ‘Come In!’ response from Doug inside the room.

"Dr. Ross?" he asked as he opened the door.

"Yes?" Doug looked up from behind his computer.

"I’m Leonard Chaffin, with Chaffin, Higgins, and Barlow? Attorneys?"

"Yes!" Doug brightened with the recognition of the names. "I hired you guys to help me with my father! Please! Sit down!" The lean, lanky lawyer slid into a chair across from him and opened a briefcase.

"I’ve been over all the transcripts and researched all the background on the case. It was pretty open and shut as far as legal terms go..."

"So, are you telling me there’s no hope to get my father out of jail?" Doug felt a pit in his stomach. This was absolutely just about his last option. If it failed, he would have to resign himself to the fact that his father would die, old and alone, in prison in Kentucky.

"Well, your father was convicted of first degree murder. I can’t see any cause in here where the murder was actually pre-meditated. In my personal opinion, it was a spur of the moment act, which would make it manslaughter, not murder."

"OK, so?" Legal mumbo jumbo was something Doug didn’t follow much, but, he did know the difference between manslaughter and murder.

"I petitioned for a hearing in Kentucky to see if we can get the charge reduced to manslaughter. The hearing is set for about 6 weeks from now. That’s the soonest I could get a date."

"That’s fine, because I have to be in New York in a month anyway. This will work out better for me. What should I expect?"

"Well, they’ll either reduce the charge or they won’t. That’s pretty cut and dried. If they don’t reduce the charge, the murder one rap will stand and he will just return to prison to serve out the original sentence. If they do reduce the charge, and I have every reason to believe they probably will, then they will re-sentence him for that charge."

"I don’t get it" Doug shook his head. "How is that going to help him any?"

"Dr. Ross, your father has already served 25 years in prison. No manslaughter charge would receive a sentence even half that long. In my likelihood, he would be released on time already served." Doug took a deep breath, and sat back in his chair.

"Whoa" he exhaled slowly. "I don’t want to get my hopes up too high but that sounds really good to me." he nodded and smiled. "I’ll be there for the hearing." He reached his hand across the desk to shake hands with this man who had brought him the most enlightening news he had received to date about Ray. "Thank you."

"Don’t thank me yet" the lawyer returned his handshake and his smile. "Wait until we see what happens in Kentucky."

"You’ve got something that gives me hope" Doug smiled at him. "That’s more than I’ve had in about 10 years! That alone is worth the thanks."

Doug sat watching Cassidy play with her blocks on the floor. One of her blocks fell from her grasp and bounced away from her. Before Doug could get up out of his chair to get it for her, she took her tiny hands and locked them around the bar on her sleep-n-play, pulling herself into an upright position and onto her feet. Doug sat watching as his daughter eyed her prize, lying several feet away from her. One hand off the bar, the baby reached her other hand in the direction of her toy, but, couldn’t make it meet. Keeping her hand steadily on the bar, she shuffled her feet until she was at the end of the sleep-n-play and no longer had anything to hold onto. Her only thought was to get her toy so she let go of the bar and hoisted both arms up into the air for balance, toddling clumsily toward her fallen block. Just as she reached it, she lost her balance and plummeted to her bottom, but, reached out and picked up her toy, squealing delighted to have it back. Doug bounced up out of his chair and flew to his daughter’s side, lifting her up and dangling her above his head while she laughed loudly.

"You did it, Cass! You walked!" He pulled her to him and hugged her tight. "That’s my big girl! Let’s go show Carol, OK?"

He carried the baby down with him to the ER and spotted Carol alone in the supply room. He put Cassidy down on her feet and pointed to Carol, giving his daughter a little pat on the bottom with the palm of his hand.

"Take your block to Carol, Cass..." he pointed again. "Take it to Carol." As Cassidy began to take clumsy and careful steps toward her, Doug looked up at Carol. "Hey, Carol, look who’s coming to see you."

Carol turned around from the shelf she was working on to see the little girl slowly and carefully toddling toward her and she stopped working immediately. About three steps before her destination, Cassidy lost her balance and toppled to the ground. Before either Doug or Carol could get to her to help her up, the little girl placed both hands on the floor and pushed herself back onto her feet and finished her journey to Carol’s waiting arms.

"Oh, my GOD!" Carol hugged the baby as she picked her up. "When did this happen?" she smiled at Doug.

"About ten minutes ago!" he chuckled as he came into the supply room. "I just had to share it with somebody!"

"Ma-Ma!" Cassidy babbled as she offered Carol her block. Both Doug and Carol were stopped cold and looked at each other blankly.

"I’m not your Mama" Carol kissed Cassidy’s cheek gently.

"She doesn’t know that" Doug offered quietly.

"Does it bother you?" Carol asked him softly.

"No" he smiled and shook his head. "It really doesn’t. Because, you just might be someday."

"What are you saying?" Carol laughed lightly.

"I’m saying I really like you, Carol. And I want to spend more time with you. Alone and with Cass as well. I want us all to get to know each other..." he paused slightly. "If that’s OK with you."

"It’s more than OK with me" Carol smiled at him.

"I always seal things like that with a kiss" he grinned at her.

"Well, far be it from me to break your tradition" she teased him.

He leaned in to kiss her and she met him halfway, both of them eager to be close to each other. He was about to wrap his arms around her and pull her close to him when Cassidy socked him in the face with her block.

"Ow!" he let go of Carol and backed up quickly. "That HURT, you little rug rat!" he growled playing at his daughter. "You really know how to wreck a mood, don’t you?"
"She’s a woman, Doug" Carol shrugged. "Maybe she’s jealous!"

"Nah, I took some courses in child psychology and I know she’s too young for feelings like that. She just likes to abuse me!" he laughed.

"Well, if she’s old enough to abuse you, you know what that means" Carol reminded him of his studies.

"Yeah" he sighed heavily and took his child from her arms. "It means I’m gonna have to get tough with her and start correcting that behavior." He took the block from Cassidy’s hand and put it in the pocket of his lab coat, bringing instant tears and tiny fingers reaching for it back again. "No, no! When you learn how to play with it, you can have it back, but right now, it’s gone!"

"Mean Daddy" Carol teased him as they started out of the supply room.

"Don’t even tease me like that!" Doug looked at her with pleading eyes. "I never wanted to be the bad guy...I always thought Kate would be her disciplinarian!"

"Parenting is a two person job" Carol reminded him. "And right now, you’re both of those persons. She’ll forget about it by the time you get back upstairs."

"Yeah, I know" Doug nodded. "But my ear may be dead by then." He kissed Carol lightly and took his squalling daughter into the elevator for them to go back upstairs. "I’ll call you later, OK? We’ll have dinner?"

"Sounds good" Carol nodded as the doors began to close. "I’ll be waiting." She waved her hand at the still crying baby. "Bye bye, Cass...bye bye."

Cassidy looked over and saw this smiling woman waving to her and waved her tiny fingers back at her. Her tears almost stopped now, she wrapped her tiny arms around Doug’s neck and buried her face in his shoulder.

Doug got back to his office and looked over his upcoming agenda. Chris would be there in just a few weeks. He was due back in New York to receive his award in less time than that. He took a pencil and wrote in the Kentucky hearing six weeks away. He knew his life was going to be busy for a while and he made it a point to be sure he was never too busy for time with Carol. That was something he made sure of with Caitlyn and it had been a securing part of their relationship. If it worked once, it was bound to work again, and he wanted to be sure they had time for dinners, movies, and quiet nights at home. There would times it would just be the two of them and there would be times it would be the three of them.

And for the first time since he buried Kate, he felt like his life had a future.

To Be Continued....