“Second Chances”(continued)

Doug Ross was pacing the floor in front of Nina Pomerantz’ desk in such a furry that Nina had to restrain herself to keep from snickering at him.

“Doug, would you PLEASE sit down? You’re making ME nervous now!”
“What’s wrong with me, Nina?” Doug slid into a chair and faced her head on with a desperate look on his face. “I’ve got this beautiful woman, who is obviously attracted to me, as well as I am to her, and I’m afraid to make a move for her! Why?”
“There could be a number of reasons” Nina smiled at him. “But, I would say the biggest one is that you are just not ready for the serious relationship yet.”
“Oh, I’m ready!” He nodded. “Every time I see her now, I salute her!” His cheeks bushed a slight embarrassment and Nina smiled.
“This is something you have to take at your own pace, Doug. And you’re the only one who can set it for yourself. You have to make up your own mind.”
“Everything in my life is starting to spin so fast right now, Nina. Chris is coming in next month to start training at a speedway track in Wisconsin for the Indy 500...”
“Well, that’s good! You and Chris always get along well! I would think helping him train for a big race like that would be fun!”
“He wants me to be part of his crew” Doug smiled lightly. “I’ll be the official ‘team doctor’ of him and his pit crew.”
“I think that sounds exciting.”
“Yeah, it might be fun” Doug shrugged. “Rick is coming in next week for a convention.”
“The dynamic due together again, huh?” Nina laughed.
“It’ll be good to see Rick again. It’ll be good to have somebody to talk to about things again. I’ve really missed him.”
“I thought you were getting along well with Mark Greene?”
“I am” Doug nodded. “Mark is an OK kind of guy. But, I really don’t know him very well. And he doesn’t know me much, either. Rick has known me for five years. We have a bond. Most times, I don’t have to tell Rick anything...he already knows what’s going on with me the minute he sees me.”
“Rick was always good at that sort of stuff. He did, after all, minor in Psychology.”
“Yeah” Doug nodded. “And I got some good news yesterday” he turned his attention to her. “About my dad! The lawyer I hired contacted me about the transcripts. He thinks he’s found a loophole he can work with “
“Oh, Doug! That’s wonderful! I wish you well with that. I know how much it means to you to maybe find a way to have Ray home with you.”
“It’ll still take some time” Doug nodded. “But, at least it’s a start and some hope.”
“I hope something good comes from that. Please keep me posted on that, all right?”
“I will” he nodded.
“Now, let’s talk about you and Carol” Nina smiled.
“What about me and Carol?” he shrugged.
“Is there a ‘me and Carol’ to talk about?” Nina wanted to know.
“I think there is” he nodded. “I was just about to kiss her the other day when Cass decided to speak her first lucid words” he looked at Nina proudly. “Da-Da.”
“You must be thrilled!”
“I was happy, yes, but, I was really anticipating that kiss she ruined, too!” he chuckled.
“How did Carol react?”
“She was a good sport” he nodded. “She was just as happy as I was about Cass.” He seemed lost in his own thoughts and Nina smiled.
“I don’t think you need me as much as you think you do, Doug. I think you already know what you want to do...just have to make up your mind to do it.”
“Yeah” he grinned and nodded at her. “It’s just so hard...”
“When anyone who has been with one person for a long time faces starting over again, it’s a very scary thing” Nina offered to him.  “You should just take it at your own pace. That’s the best advice I
can give you. I know you, Doug. You’re a strong person. You’ll figure all this out. If you need to talk to someone, I’m always here to listen. But, you don’t need a psychiatrist to help you with this one.”
“Yeah, I figured that much. And I know what Kate would tell me, too...” he smiled weakly at Nina. “I can hear her saying ‘listen to your heart’ just like she always did when I was facing a big decision about something.” He nodded and rose to his feet. “Thanks, Nina. I know what I need to do.”
“Good luck, Doug” she smiled. “I wish you well.”

David Morganstern sat in his office sifting through the newest batch of mail. Having given up his surgical duties for that of an administrator over a year before, he still sometimes wondered if that had been a good decision. At least, he constantly told himself, as a surgeon there wasn’t so much mail to have to look at. His attention was caught by a return address on an envelope - Greater New York  Humanitarian Resources Committee - and he picked the letter up for further inspection.

“Dear Dr. Morganstern” he began to read aloud to himself. “You are cordially invited - blah blah blah - to a black tie affair - blah blah blah - to honor a current member of your staff, Dr. Douglas Ross...”  David stopped cold in his nonchalant style to read the letter again. “Dr. Ross will be receiving a Humanitarian Award for his volunteer work in the Hudson River flooding last spring and we would be pleased to have you in attendance for this auspicious occasion” David put the letter back on his desk. “Who uses words like ‘auspicious’ in letters these days?” he wondered aloud. He picked up his phone and buzzed the desk for his secretary. “Millie, would you page Doug Ross for me, please? I need to speak to him.”
“Right away, Dr. Morganstern” was her answer.

Mark Greene was racing down the hallway with Kerry Weaver and the paramedics bringing in a new patient. The little girl was covered with blood and screaming at the top of her lungs. Mark couldn’t be sure if it was from pain or fear or maybe a bit of both, but she was surely vocal enough. Strapped to the gurney, kicking, flinging her arms, and wailing loudly all the while the trauma team took her into the ER.

“Where does it hurt, sweetheart?” Mark was trying his best to soothe the child, as he and the team lifted her from the gurney to the trauma table.

The child did not answer with specifics, only continued to scream, kick, and punch. Mark and Kerry work desperately to calm her so they can check her, when they can’t quiet her, they just begin to work in spite of her protests. Doug Ross came down the hallway from the elevator. He had been back to work only a few days after finally getting a clean bill of health from both doctors treating him. He heard all the commotion from the ER and stopped in the doorway to investigate. Seeing what is happening in the room, he stepped in quietly to go up beside Mark.

“What’s the problem?” he asked him carefully.
“I wish to hell I knew!” Mark told him in an agitated tone. “I can’t get her to shut up long enough to find out anything.”
“That’s because you’re scaring her to death” Doug offered. “Can I try?”
“Be my guest!” Mark stepped aside and allowed Doug to move close to the table. He watched in awe as the Pedes doctor leaned over this little girl and touch both sides of her face with his hands.
“Hey, sweetheart! I’m Dr. Ross, OK? Can you tell me your name?”
“I want my Moooommmmmyyyy!” the child wailed.
“OK, honey, we’ll find out about your Mommy, but right now, we have to work with you. Can you tell me your name?” He repeated firmly.
“A....A....Aliciaaaaaa” the little girl whimpered.
“OK, Alicia, now listen to me, OK? It’s very, very important that you tell my friend, Dr. Greene, where you’re hurting, OK? So he can make it stop. Can you do that for me?”
“Will you find my Mommy?” she peered up at him with the most trusting eyes and he nodded.
“I’ll go work on it right now” he assured her with a smile. “She’s all yours, Mark” he stepped away to let the doctor closer to the patient.
“How does he DO that?” Mark looked across the table at Kerry once Doug was gone.
“He’s a Pediatrician!” Kerry shrugged.
“No, there’s some things they can’t teach in med school...that’s one of them” Mark turned his attention to his young patient. “Where does it hurt, Alicia?” he asked her in a soft voice.
“Right here” the child pointed to her belly with a grimace on her face.

Doug stepped across the hallway to the front desk and Carol Hathaway smiled at him.

“That was quite an exhibition in there just now” she told him.
“Most kids will cooperate because they just want the pain to stop” he chuckled. “You just have to calm them down first. What’s the word on the mother?”
“She’s in three...” Carol shook her head. “Doesn’t look good.”
“Then I better stick around and see what happens. Mark may need some help if has to deliver bad news to her” he leaned back against the desk.
“Where’s your offspring today?”
“Right now she’s in daycare learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider” he chuckled again. Carol stood thinking how she loved to hear that sound ripple from his throat. And she loved the laugh lines that ran from his eyes, too. “A song I suspect I will come to know well in the very near future.”
“Has she called you by name anymore since that night?”
“A few times” he nodded. “Yes.” He paused for a moment and then turned to her with a grin. “You know, I thought you were a really good sport considering the moment she picked to speak her first word.”
“No woman can compete with a man’s daughter” Carol smiled.
“Especially not one still in diapers!” they both laughed. “I know how important that is to a parent” she smiled softly. “I was very happy to share it with you.”
“You are something else, do you know that?” he smiled at her. “A man would be foolish not to snatch you up and keep you.”
“Um” Carol scoffed. “First time a man’s ever told me anything like that.”
“Then you’ve been hanging around with the wrong kind of men” he smiled at her.

Carol didn’t answer. She didn’t know what to say anyway. No man had ever said anything like to her ever in her whole life. No man had ever made her feel like she was anything special. Why was it that his man she hardly knew could do that when men she had known since childhood only made her feel like a disease. She thought about Cassidy sitting on a mat in the day care center with one of the helpers working her hands to learn the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Cassidy was a happy little girl. And why shouldn’t she be? She had her Daddy’s undying devotion and constant attention. And Carol knew what a thrill it had been for Doug to hear Cassidy call him by name because in the back of her mind she could see an 18 month old girl being carried away, reaching her arms over a social worker’s shoulder and screaming “MAAAMMMMAAAAA!” at the top of her lungs. Carol shook her head to chase the thought away. She wasn’t sure what to respond to Doug’s statement with, but she was saved by Peter Benton coming out of Trauma 3 and stopping at the desk.

“How’s the mother?” Doug asked him quietly. Peter shook his head and Doug frowned.
“She never had a chance” Peter sighed. “How’s the little girl?”
“Mark and Kerry are working on her now” Doug frowned. “Any other relatives?”
“Got grandparents” Peter nodded. “In Alaska.”
“Geez” Doug shook his head. “Guess we better call them, huh?”
“Yeah, we’ll take care of it” Peter nodded. “What about the little girl?”
“From what I could see, I think she’s gonna be fine” Doug told him.

Mark came out of the trauma room, pulling his gloves off and pitching them into the disposal in the hallway. Then he joined the crew at the desk.

“How’s Alicia?” Doug wanted to know.
“She’s fine. few lacerations...nothing too serious. How’s the mother?” Peter shook his head and Mark sighed. “Damn.” he muttered.
“You want me to go with you when you tell her?” Doug gave Mark a helpful look.
“I got a better idea...why don’t I go with you when YOU tell her?” Mark grinned sheepishly. “I think you’ll do a better job that I would.”
“Sure” Doug nodded. “I can do that.”
“I’d appreciate it” Mark told him with a bleak look.

Carol stood in the doorway and listened as the two doctors walked into the recovery room where seven year old Alicia was resting. Her eyes picked them up at the door and watched them all the way over to her bed. She locked her attention on Doug Ross, the doctor with the kind face and the gentle voice and he smiled down at her.

“Hi, Alicia, do you remember me?”
“Uh huh” she nodded. “Did you find my Mommy?”
“Uh, yeah” Doug nodded. “Yes, I did.” Doug collected his words very carefully while the child never took her eyes off him. “Your Mommy was hurt...very badly” he told her slowly. “Much worse than you were.  And the doctors worked very hard, but, your Mommy was just hurt too badly for them to save her.”
“Did my Mommy die?” Mark felt his heart sink when those big brown eyes blinked up at Doug.
“Yes, Honey” Doug nodded slowly. “She did.”
“So, she’s in heaven now, right?” Alicia wanted to know. Doug had learned a long time before not to let his own views and ideas ever enter into what a patient thought or believed and he nodded. “I’m sure that’s where she is, yes.”
“Where am I gonna live now?”
“Well, I understand you have some grandparents that live away from here. We’ll get in touch with them and see if you can’t go live with them.”
“They live in Alaska” Alicia frowned. “I only met them once and I don’t remember it.”
“I’m sure everything will work out for you, sweetheart.”
“You need to just rest now, Alicia” Mark spoke up. “OK?”
“OK” the little girl nodded and the two doctors started out of the room. “Dr. Ross?” the young patient called out quickly.
“What is it, sweetheart?” Doug turned back around.
“Is heaven a nice place?” she wondered aloud to him.

Doug thought for a minute before he answered and he smiled just slightly as he nodded to her. He thought of his own wife who had departed from earth less than a year before and all the things he would one day tell their daughter about her mother when he answered the child’s question.

“Yes, honey” he told her. “I’m sure heaven is a very nice place.”

This satisfied the seven year old and Mark and Doug went on out of her room. Carol followed along behind them, telling Doug in a quiet voice, “You handled that very nicely.”
“He did, didn’t he?” Mark nodded.
“I’m trained to handle kids” Doug shrugged.
“No” Mark shook his head. “There are some things they can’t teach you in med school and what I just saw in there is one of them. You must have been really good when you were on ER rotations.”
“I did OK” Doug brushed off the praise.
“Not much for praise are you?” Mark chuckled.
“Well, you better GET used to it” David Morganstern broke in as he approached, waving a letter. “I got this in the mail this morning” he handed the letter to Doug.
“I have one of these already” Doug handed the letter back to him with a quiet voice.
“What’s this?” Mark took the letter from David to try and get in on the conversation.
“Dr. Ross is going to be honored by the Humanitarian Committee in NY next month - he’s receiving an award of merit for his work in the Hudson River flooding last spring” David told them proudly.
“Really?” Mark was impressed. “What did you do?”
“I got peritonitis” Doug chuckled. He turned to see serious eyes on him so he relented his modesty to explain further. “I was part of the rescue team that went out in boats looking for people who needed help and I rescued a little boy off a concrete island in the middle of the flood water. He’d gotten away form his mother’s arms and he was about 2 years old. I waded from the boat to the island to get him and I ended up with peritonitis from the flood water seeping into my exit site.”
“I thought they had waterproof patches for submerging in water?” Mark wondered aloud.
“They do” Doug nodded. “And I had two of them on me. But, they only protect when you’re submerged in chlorinated water...flood waters are not exactly high in chlorine.”
“No, I suppose not” Mark chuckled.
“Anyway, that’s what the award is for. The committee gives the award once a year for some outstanding community service and I guess they couldn’t find anybody else to tag it to this year so they picked me.”
“Modest to the end” Morganstern chuckled. “Anyway, I was invited as well, since you are under my supervision now, and I will be there with bells on. We don’t get things like this to link County’s name to very often!” he slapped Doug on the back. “Congratulations, Doug!”
“Yeah, Doug” Mark nodded. “Way to go.”

Doug stayed behind at the desk as Morganstern and Greene went off together down the hallway. Carol smiled at him from behind the desk.

“You don’t seem very excited.” she told him quietly.
“It means going back to New York” he shrugged. “I wasn’t exactly sure that was something that would happen quiet this soon.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I don’t know” he dropped his head and shook it slowly. “But, I guess I’ll find out, won’t I?” he looked up and smiled at her. Then he glanced quickly at his watch. “It’s time for me to go get Cass” he told her lightly. “I guess I’ll see you later, huh?”
“Yeah” Carol nodded and watched him go off down the hall, smiling slightly to herself as he went. “I’m sure you will.”

Doug sat at his desk, holding his own copy of the letter David Morganstern had been so excited about downstairs. He sighed heavily to himself as he glanced over it again. Then, he picked up another letter he had received and glanced over it. It was a notice that his lease was expiring on the New York apartment. He had 60 days to clear out his belongings or pay another year on the lease. So, he figured this trip to New York could kill two birds with one stone...he just hoped he was up to it. Going back to New York was going to be hard enough in its own right. He would be seeing all his old friends and colleagues again and that would be nice but it would also be a reminder of the life he’d left behind. Walking back into that apartment without Kate was going to be something else. He put the letter away and figured he would just deal with it when the time came, and he went back to work.

Carol sat curled by her fireplace trying to read a book, but her mind wasn’t on the pages in front of her. Instead, her mind was on Doug Ross and that darling little daughter of his. She had gone down to the day care and watched through the window as Doug participated in one round of the Itsy Bitsy Spider song with her and she knew she never stopped smiling. But inside, her heart ached for the memory of what could have been for her. She knew she still had a trunk load of those memories stored in the attic. She had clothes and story books and teddy bears and dolls...all memories now. She knew she should have gotten rid of all of it but something in the back of her mind told her not to. She wondered now if it were for Doug Ross that she had kept all those things....for his daughter. Sometimes she sat and wondered which one of those two she was more attracted to. The baby, obviously, because it reminded her of the child she had tried to adopt. Yet, Cassidy was a healthy baby, with a bright future ahead of her. The child she had taken in was an A.I.D.S. baby who likely wouldn’t have lived to even start grade school. And Doug...where HAD this man been all her life? He was wonderful yet almost too perfect. Carol wondered if he was hiding some deep dark secret about himself even though he had appeared to be very open about anything and everything she asked about. She scolded herself for thinking such things and for ‘buying trouble’ as her mother always liked to accuse her of, and tried to focus on her book again.

Mark Greene poked his head in the doorway of Doug Ross’ office, but, he didn’t see the doctor anywhere. He did, however, see Cassidy standing up in her sleep-n-play smiling at him. She reached her arms to him in recognition and he smiled at her.

“Hello, Little Angel” Mark waved to her. “Where’s your Daddy?”
“I’m over here, Mark!” he heard Doug call from across the hall.
“You be good, little sweetie” Mark told Cassidy as he slipped his head out of the door way. He stepped across the hall to the lab where Doug was working with a machine. “What are you doing?”
“Just testing out a dosage level” Doug grinned at him. “What’s up?”
“Two things. First of all, I wanted to tell you I found an apartment, but I wanted to talk to you about it. Can we do lunch?”
“Not today. I’m picking up a business associate at the airport at 11:30.”
“Rick Schlister?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
“Morganstern mentioned it.”
“Yeah, he’s a little on the excited side” Doug chuckled.
“That’s putting it mildly” Mark nodded. “Well, OK, if we can’t do lunch, can I just tell you here?”
“Sure! Go for it.”
“Well, I know you’re working on getting your Dad home with you. And I know that’s looking pretty strong...at least at this point. The apartment is in the same building you’re already in, but, it’s a little bigger than what I need. It’s 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a full kitchen and a family room...I don’t need that much room. So, I talked to the landlord and she agreed with me that if you wanted to take that apartment, I could take yours. It would be great for both of us because your apartment is perfect for me and the other one would give you more room with Cassidy and then, later, your Dad if things work out.”
“I’d sure like to look at it, at least!” Doug nodded. “Thanks, Mark. I appreciate that.”
“No problem” Mark nodded. “I just hope you appreciate this as well.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two tickets and handed them to Doug.
“What’s this?” Doug took the tickets carefully.
“A gift for you.”
“They look like dinner tickets.”
“They are.”
“Why are you giving me dinner tickets?”
“I won them in a radio contest. It’s a Valentine dinner for 2 at one of Chicago’s finest restaurants.”
“You don’t want them?” Doug chuckled.
“Well, Jen and I are not exactly the most romantic couple in Chicago these days” Mark laughed.
“Well, who am I gonna take? Cassidy? All I have to do with her is give her a bottle of juice and she’s happy!”
“I thought you might want to take Carol” Mark offered shortly.
“Carol?!” Doug exploded and then laughed, as if to be shocked by Mark’s answer.
“Oh, come on, Doug. I see the way you look at her! And I see the way she looks at you! You guys are dying to get together and both of you are afraid to make the first move. I thought this might be an ice breaker for you!”
“Oh, you did, did you?” Doug chuckled again. “And exactly how am I supposed to ask Carol to a romantic dinner?”
“Tell her the truth! A friend gave you the tickets and it would be a shame to see them go to waste!” Mark smiled. “I’ll sit with Cass so you’ll have no excuses. Is it a deal?” Doug looked at his friend and then back at the tickets with a wry grin on his face.
“Yeah, why not” he shrugged. “Thanks, Mark. I didn’t know it was so obvious about Carol and me.”
“Only to people who know what they’re looking for” Mark told him. “Which is half the hospital.”
“Just what I want to know!” Doug groaned.
“I’ll let you get back to work, OK?” Mark slapped him on the back. “And I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah” Doug nodded. “Later.”

Rick Schlister strolled through O’Hare airport, carrying a bag on his shoulder and looking around for a familiar face. He was blond and blue eyed - Doug liked to refer to him as ‘the beach boy type’ or a ‘surfer dude’. He was suntanned and tall, and dressed for travel.

“Hey, Rick!” he heard a voice he knew well and he smiled. “Over here, Pal!”

Rick looked up to see Doug Ross standing in the clearing, holding Cassidy in his arms and waving the little girl’s hand at him. He felt himself smile as he continued his pace toward them.

“Hello, Little Princess!” Rick kissed Cassidy’s cheek gently. “You look great, Buddy.” He gave Doug an affectionate, brotherly hug, which his friend readily returned.
“How was your flight?” Doug asked him as they started away.
“It was good” he nodded. “Cute flight attendant took GOOD care of me!”
“Did you ask her for a date?” Doug chuckled.
“As a matter of fact, I did!” Rick nodded. “And she knew you, too” he poked fun at his friend.
“You got any luggage?” Doug motioned toward the baggage claim.
“Yeah, a couple of bags!” Rick nodded.

They waited for the luggage to come through the baggage claim, catching each other up on everything that had happened while they had been apart. By the time they started out of the airport, they were up to date with each other.

Richard Allen Schlister was 35 years old, originally hailing from South Carolina. He had never married and devoted his whole life to studying Oncology medicine. He met Doug Ross when Doug did call work for a young patient at Sloan-Kettering in New York about five years earlier. He became interested in Doug’s pain management research even before the Pediatrician left his ER rotation to pursue it and now he was experimenting with the process for adult patients. He and Doug had always been a good team, working well together in the office as well as out of it. They enjoyed a lot of the same sports and had a lot of the same medical goals. They had remained close even after Rick left NY to relocate in California, giving each a vacation area to escape to when they needed time away.

“So, tell me about this woman!” Rick laughed as he pulled the car door shut for them to start away.
“She’s incredible” Doug smiled. “Her name is Carol Hathaway. She’s a nurse at County. And I’m absolutely smitten by her.”
“Smitten!” Rick laughed. “Now there’s a word I don’t hear everyday!”
“She’s really something else. You’ll meet her.”
“Are you in love with her yet?”
“I think it’s a little too soon to start using the word ‘love’. We haven’t even had our first date yet.” “Well, what are you waiting for, boy? Get moving! The gravy boat only comes around every so often! You better grab what you can when it’s offered!”
“Don’t even go there” Doug shook his head. “I’m not ready to hear this kind of stuff yet.”
“Yeah, you are. You just don’t want to admit it yet.”
“Everything has just happened so fast....the wreck....this woman...this job...”
“Yeah, what can you tell me about this Morganstern guy we’re having lunch with, anyway?”
“He’s my boss!” Doug chuckled. “He’s an OK guy. You’ll like him. He’s very enthusiastic!”
“Is that good or bad?”
“You’ll figure it out.”

With Rick in town for the convention, Doug’s free time was limited.  But, he figured if he let the dinner tickets go to waste it would be a shame and it was the perfect excuse to finally ask Carol for a date.  Feeling like a school boy pursuing the head cheerleader, he finally mustered up all of his courage at once and approached her at the front desk.

“You got a minute?” he asked her quietly.
“Sure!” she looked up and smiled a smile at him that almost shook his nerve.
“Privately?” he coaxed. There were just too many ears around at the desk. “OK, yeah. You want to go in the lounge?”
“No, I prefer an empty exam room, where we can be pretty sure no one will barge in.”
“This sounds serious!” Carol came around the desk to walk down the hall with him.
“In a way” he nodded, opening a door for her and letting her walk in ahead of him.
“OK” Carol turned to him once they were alone and behind the seclusion of the door. “This better be good.”
“Yeah, I hope so, too” he chuckled, nervously. But, finally, he looked her in the eye and gathered his nerve all at once. “Carol, I think you know I’m crazy about you, don’t you?”
“I’ve gotten the idea” she nodded. “Yeah” she smiled up at him.
“And I know I’ve been dragging my feet a little getting anything going with this relationship...” he continued, gaining confidence with every word. He reached down and put his hands on her shoulders. “Would you like to have dinner with me?”
“I’d love to have dinner with you, Doug” her voice was soft and her smile was very kind. He suddenly felt the weight of the whole world had been lifted from his shoulders.
“I need to be honest with you” he told her nervously. “Mark gave me some free tickets.”
“Is that the only reason you asked me?” she wanted to know.
“No” he shook his head with a smile. “I wanted to ask you anyway. I think Mark just gave me an excuse.”
“Then I owe Mark a thank you” she smiled a teasing smile at him. “What time should I be ready?”
“I’ll pick you up about seven?”
“Do you even know where I live?”
“Sure do” he nodded with a grin.
“Have you been spying on me, Dr. Ross?”
“Of course not” he shook his head with a broad smile now. “I just called you up on the computer and got all the information I needed!” she laughed with him at that.
“I’ll be ready and waiting” she promised him with a touch of her fingers to his chin.

She left him there, feeling the chill and a rush at the same time, and she went back out the door to return to work. And for the rest of the day, at their perspective work stations, the two of them wondered what the coming night would bring for them. For Carol, she knew it was a chance to finally put David behind her completely. For Doug, it was a chance to know if he could move on with the rest of his life.

Mark Greene and Rick Schlister sat on the bed watching Doug get ready for his dinner date like two brothers watching an older brother get ready for the prom. Mark held Cassidy on his lap and she clapped and cooed gleefully while he bounced her.

“Is this suit OK?” Doug pulled one out of the closet.
“Looks like you’re going to a funeral” Rick quipped. “When’d you wear that last? At Caityn’s wake?”

Doug frowned at him but didn’t respond. He simply hung the suit back in the closet and continued to look.

“What have you got in there?” Rick got off the bed to stand beside his friend at the closet door. “Besides six million ties?”
“He collects ties?” Mark chuckled.
“He has a tie fetish!” Rick nodded. “You could tie his ties together and they’d probably reach around the world” he chuckled. “Twice!”
“Are you going to help me or criticize me?” Doug scoffed.
“I’ve always been pretty good at doing both!” Rick grinned at him. He began to shuffle through the things in the closet with a scowl. “Don’t you have any suits that aren’t dark color?”
“I lived in New York!” Doug snarled at him. “We don’t wear peach suits in New York...not even in the summer time!”
“I do not own a peach suit” Rick laughed at him.
“Then what would you call that orange-ish yellow-ish looking thing you used to wear?”
“That is called Tropical Mellon” Rick informed him with a sarcastic tone. Even Mark had to chuckle at that one. “And I bought it in Hawaii!”
“Fine. If I was in Hawaii, I’d borrow it” Doug nodded. “But, I’m in Chicago and I have to pick Carol up in less than an hour so we better be finding something in here I can wear!”
“You and me are going shopping while I’m here” Rick informed him, shuffling further through his closet. “Here!” he pulled out a turtle neck shirt, “Why don’t you wear this with a sport jacket and nice slacks?”
“It’s not a suit” Doug shook his head.
“Where in the rule book does it say you have to wear a suit and tie to dinner?”
“It’s my first date! I want to make a good impression!”
“She already knows what you look like! It’s not a blind date or anything!”
“If I wear a get up like that, I’ll feel like I should carry a cigar and have a playboy bunny on my arm! No!”
“You are impossible! Do you know that?”
“Yeah, you’ve told me that a half a hundred times!”

The two of them were so engrossed in their brotherly argument that neither realized how much Mark was enjoying listening to them bicker.

“Now here!” Rick pulled a tan colored suit out of the closet. “What’s this? This is not bad!” He held it up to Doug to check it for look. “This might be OK if you spruce it up a little, say, maybe, with a pink shirt or something”
“Pink?!” Doug exploded. “I don’t own a pink shirt!”
“I can loan you one...”
“Come on, Doug” Mark chuckled. “Let’s see if you’re pretty in pink."  Doug gave Mark a sarcastic nod.
“Cute, Mark. Real cute. Take my advice and stay out of this.”
“OK, how about this cobalt blue one, then?” Rick snatched the shirt out of the closet and laid it against the suit. “This might be OK. And I’m SURE you have a tie you can wear with it.” Doug smirked at his remark.
“All right” Doug nodded finally. “I guess it’ll do.”
“She’s just a girl” Rick told him. “OK? You’re not being presented to the Queen or anything.”
“Somebody needs changing” Mark announced as he stood up with Cassidy. “I’ll take her out.”
‘Thanks, Mark” Doug nodded.
“Come on” Rick turned their attention back to the closet. “Let’s sift through these ties and find a nice one.”
“You think I’m being silly, don’t you?” Doug’s voice was quiet and low.
“No, I don’t” Rick shook his head. “I think you’re acting like a man who hasn’t been on a date in a while.” Rick pulled a tie from the tie rack and held it to the shirt. “This one will do.”
“I haven’t been on a date in a while” Doug nodded, stripping out of his T-shirt and jeans to get into his suit and shirt.
“I know that. And I understand why you’re nervous about it. And I think it’s great that you’re trying to get on with your life because both of us know Caitlyn would have kicked your butt by now if it wasn’t for knowing you have a baby to take care of.”
“I miss her, Rick” Doug’s eyes flashed a hint of sadness and Rick smiled slightly as he began buttoning his shirt.
“I know you do” Rick nodded as he put the tie around his friend’s neck and helped him work it under his collar. His voice was quiet now, and serious. “I don’t know how you’ve done what you’ve done since she went away. I don’t know if I could have done it. I want you to know I really admire you for the way you’ve carried on.”
“Life goes on, Rick. I know that now. Whether we want it to or not, the sun still comes up in the morning. But, if it wasn’t for Cass, I don’t know that I would have had the strength to get out of a bed those first few mornings.”
“So, now you know why you and Kate had Cass” Rick smiled at him.  “She left you a reason to keep living....she left you somebody to take care of and somebody to take care of you.” He began to tie the tie for Doug, just like an older brother and Doug stood still and let him without a protest.
“I thought that’s what I had you for” Doug chuckled.
“I’m no substitute for Caitlyn” Rick shook his head.
“No, you’re just the brother I never had.”
“What’s the news from New York with the DA? Did they find out who was after you?”
“Yeah” Doug nodded. “You remember old man James? The one that had the kid with liver cancer and we couldn’t get a transplant for him?”
“The one that blamed you for the death of this son?” Rick nodded. “I remember.”
“Turned out he was the one that paid to have the brakes tampered with on the car....and the steering tampered with when I started across the country in it.”
“They take him in?”
“No” Doug shook his head sadly. “He killed himself right after I left New York. He never even knew his attempt failed.”
“Well, then, the worry of him is behind you now” Rick told him. He paused a minute in thought and stepped back to look at his friend, all dressed and ready now for his date. “What would you say if I told you I might be staying in Chicago?”
“You’re thinking of staying here? Why? You worked so hard to get to California!”
“I know, but, I got an offer from an Oncology unit that’s really too good to pass up. And if I take it here, I have a pain management doctor to refer my Pedes patients to” he grinned at Doug. “I’m
thinking about it, OK? I’ve got time to make up my mind.”
“Good luck with your decision” Doug nodded.
“Thanks” Rick nodded and smiled. “Good luck on your date!”
“Thanks” Doug sighed. “Something tells me I’m going to need it.”

Doug made a last minute check to be sure his teeth were clean and his shave was smooth. He combed his hair and walked into the living room for his last inspection.

“How do I look?” he approached his friends nervously.
“Like you might puke before you get there” Rick told him very matter of factly. Doug smirked sarcastically at him while Mark chuckled.
“I think you look fine” Mark told him.
“You look fine” Rick nodded. “Good luck.”
“Thanks” Doug nodded and leaned down to kiss Cassidy good bye and she stood on the sofa between Rick and Mark. “You guys gonna watch the Bulls game?”
“Yeah” Rick nodded. “Bulls and the Lakers....we should keep the neighbors entertained!”
“So, I’ll call you tomorrow, OK?”
“Like hell! I’m gonna be right here until you get back! No way I’m gonna miss hearing about this one! I’ll go home later!”
“Somehow, I was afraid of that” Doug groaned and started for the door.
“Don’t forget to take some flowers!” Rick called after him. Doug waved over his shoulder that he heard and understood. “Have to keep after that boy every minute” he laughed.
“Did you coach him this much with Caitlyn, too?” Mark wanted to know.
“Didn’t have to” Rick shook his head. “Caitlyn was forward enough to take care of all that herself!”

Both men laughed and flipped the TV channel for the basketball game while Doug sat nervously in his car and thought everything over before he turned the key and started the drive to Carol’s house.

As he drove along, Doug’s mind began to drift. He remembered well his first date with Caitlyn. It was snowing in New York that night. And they had decided not to go out into it. She had fixed dinner there and they enjoyed it together. Then, he lit a fire in the fireplace and they popped corn in an old fashioned corn popper her great-great grandmother had handed down and she fixed hot chocolate. They talked until the wee hours in the morning until they both fell asleep by the fire. Not the most romantic first date, but, one he remembered well.  He stopped off at a flower shop to get flowers for Carol and continued his journey to her front door. He took a deep breath before he knocked on the door and held the flowers nervously in his hands. Carol opened the door wearing a simple black dress and high heels. Her hair was down and hung loosely about her shoulders and she wore a gold chain around her neck.

“Hi, Doug” She smiled at him. “Let me get my coat. Come on in.”
“These are for you” he told her as he stepped nervously into her home and handed her the flowers.
“They’re beautiful” she smiled. “Thank you. Just let me put them in water.”

She carried the flowers to the kitchen and ran water in a vase she took from under the sink, placing them into it carefully and fluffing them in arrangement. Then, she came through with her coat, which Doug took readily out of her hands and helped her into it.

“Thank you” Carol smiled shyly at him.
“You’re welcome” he managed to smile at her.

They went out the door and Carol locked it behind her and he took her arm and led her to his car, opening the passenger’s door and putting her in. As they drove away, he wanted to break the silence between them but he wasn’t sure where to start.

“I’m a lousy first date” he offered her casually.
“I think I should be the judge of that” she smiled at him. “Why are you so nervous?”
“I don’t know” he shook his head. “I guess I just want everything to be perfect.”
“Well, lighten up, OK? Everything will be OK!” she leaned over close to him. “I already like you, Doug. So, you don’t have to make an impression.”

She smiled so sweetly at him he suddenly felt more at ease. And the rest of the evening went a little better. Over dinner, they had more of a chance to talk.

“Are you enjoying dinner?” she asked him across the table.
“Very much” he nodded. “And you?”
“It’s delicious” she agreed. “So, what did Cassidy think about her Daddy going out on a date?”
“She’s home watching the Bulls with Uncle Mark and Uncle Rick” he chuckled. “She could care less if Daddy goes on a date!”
“I love how close friends of yours are ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ to Cassidy” she smiled. “I think that’s cute.”
“That’s something Kate started” he shrugged. “And I like the idea, too. I need all the help I can get with her.” He sat listening as the bad played music around them.
“Would you like to dance?” he smiled across the table at her.
“I would LOVE to dance!” she smiled back.

He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. When he put his arms around her to hold her close to him, he felt electrical charges shooting through him. It was truly a feeling he never wanted to end.  The song was an old Jack Jones tune called LADY and Carol recognized it almost before Doug did. She could hear the lyrics playing over and over in her mind as the music piped softly into her ears.

[Lady, you’re in love today but what about your broken heart tomorrow?
Why waste all your loveliness on someone if he really doesn’t care?
Why find out too late that what you thought was love was just a dream
fantasy?]

It was a song that made her think about David but this time in a good way...in a way that would put him behind her. She felt safe and secure in Doug’s arms even though he was a little shaky and his palms were a little sweaty. She kind of liked that...the fact that he wasn’t over confident or cock sure of himself. Doug was also thinking of the lyrics to the song they were dancing to. His focus was more on the last words to the song as he looked into Carol’s eyes. They were smiling back at him and looking at him with a look he wasn’t sure of but he liked it just the same.

[I’m in love with you, so lovely lady, won’t you fall in love in with me?]

Doug knew he was in love with Carol. He had absolutely no doubts about that. But the thought of saying those three words to her was something he would have to work on .

“A penny for your thoughts?” Carol smiled up at him, breaking his trance and turning his attention completely back to her.
“They aren’t worth that much” he shook his head at her.
“I bet you used to dance with Caitlyn like this, didn’t you?” she gave him a knowing look.
“Why would you think that?” he chuckled.
“Because you’re a very good dancer...a man who has obviously had some practice!” she smiled. “Did she like to dance?”
“Who? Kate?” he nodded. “She loved to dance. And she taught me how to love it as well.” Doug cut himself off before he started talking too much. He had a tendency to ramble sometimes when he talked about Kate and he didn’t want to do that with Carol.
“Most men don’t like to dance” Carol informed him.
“Is that a fact?” he grinned at her.
“Of course it is” she nodded.
“So, I guess if it wasn’t for women, men would never dance? Is that it?”
“Something like that” she smiled.

They didn’t talk anymore, just danced a few numbers and then returned to the table for dessert. Before either of them knew it, Doug paid the check and they were on their way back home. As they rode together, Doug felt like talking. And talking was something that came easy with Carol. She was a good listener and she didn’t ever judge or criticize. He really liked that and he needed that. It had been the biggest thing he had missed in the last six months or so.

“I have to go back to New York soon” he told her quietly.
“For your award” she nodded. “I heard. I hope I told you congratulations.”
“Doesn’t matter if you did or not. The award is no big deal. I would have waded out after that kid regardless. I didn’t do it to be a ‘hero’.” he shook his head.
“I’m sure that’s true” she nodded.
“I know David Morganstern is excited about it, and that’s all well and good...”
“Well, County doesn’t get mentioned for heroes very often” Carol admitted.
“I’ll be accepting the award on a personal basis” Doug sighed. “But, Sinai and County will both get mentioned in the write up, being my former and current employers” he paused. “But, it’s the not award that I’m thinking about so much.”
“Oh?”
“I got a notice that I need to clear out my apartment. My lease is expiring.”
“And you don’t know where to store the furniture?”
“Oh, that’s not a problem. I’m moving two floors up and into a great new apartment Mark found for me...I’ll have plenty of room for the furniture. This apartment is unfurnished and Mark is going to take my furnished one. I’m going to be needing more room soon anyway, so this will work out fine...”
“More room because Cassidy will be walking soon?”
“That, and I think my Dad is going to be coming home soon” he nodded.
“Oh, Doug! That’s wonderful! I’m sure you’re thrilled!”
“It’s not for certain yet, but the lawyer I hired is still working on it and he says it looks promising. I’m hopeful.”
“Then, what’s the problem with moving the stuff out of the apartment in New York?”
“I haven’t been back in there, except to get some clothes, since Kate died” he admitted lowly. “I left everything pretty much as it was and I haven’t been back.”
“Where did you and Cassidy live between then and the time you started west?”
“With my in-laws. We stayed with Beth and Jacque until I decided to take the position Rick called me nearly every week and offered me. I just couldn’t stay in that apartment without Kate. I don’t know how I’m going to go back into it now.”
“I could....” Carol started slowly. “Go with you” she looked over at him carefully. “If you wanted me to. You know, just as a friend to give you some support.”
“Would you do that?” he smiled weakly at her. “I wanted to ask you but I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”
“If you want me to go with you, I’d be happy to go” she nodded.
“I’d really appreciate it” he told her. “I’ve got a lot of ghosts back in New York I need to get rid of. I need to get on with my life.”

Carol wasn’t sure what to say. She could hear her mother telling her sometimes words did more harm than good even when you were trying to help. So, she simply reached out and took hold of Doug’s hand. Then, she smiled as he wrapped it tightly in his own. And she found herself wishing there was some way to speed up this relationship, yet, she knew she had to give him time. He walked her to her door and she smiled at him as he took her door key in her hand. He smiled at her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Remember when you were taking care of me and I tried to kiss you?” he asked her quietly.
“How could I forget?” she smiled. “We witnessed a monumental moment in your daughter’s life!”
“Well, I promise she won’t interrupt us this time if you let me try again” he smiled nervously at her.
“Should I let you try again?” Carol teased him. “I mean, after all, I usually don’t kiss a man on my first date.”
“Well, I was thinking about that, and this really wasn’t our first date” he told her.
“It wasn’t?”
“No, I took you to lunch at Doc Magoos before, remember?”
“Yeah, but, that was my treat. I’m not sure that qualifies as a date.”
“Let’s pretend it was, OK? Do you kiss on a second date?”
“If I had a nice time and I think he deserves it” she smiled.
“Did you have a nice time?” he asked her, moving just a little closer to her and rubbing her shoulders lightly with the palms of his hands.
“Yes, I did” she nodded. “A very nice time.”
“And do you think I deserve a kiss?” he reached his hands up into her silky hair, caressing it gently and smiling at her.
“What do you think?” she put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.
“You’re gonna kiss me out here on the porch where the neighbors can see?” he grinned at her.
“I don’t care what the neighbors think!” she smiled. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
“Yes, ma’am!” he chuckled.

He leaned in carefully and she closed her eyes as she waited for him to connect. He opened his mouth and wrapped his lips carefully around her, pulling her tight against his chest with one hand pressing into her back and kept her locked in the kiss with the other hand on her face. Her skin was so soft and her hair smelled so sweet. More than a half year of penned up passion started to unravel and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was suddenly more alive than he had been in a long time and he didn’t want it to end. He kept her held in the kiss with him, digging a little deeper and enjoying the little happy noises that were releasing deep inside her throat. When they finally released each other and stood eye to eye again, he saw her smile.

“What would you say if I was to grab you by the shirt front, pull you through this door, and have you on the floor by the fireplace?” Carol grinned at him.
“I don’t know” he told her truthfully. “Nobody’s ever done that to me before.”
“Yeah?” she smiled, reaching out to grab a fistful of his shirt and his jacket. “Well, allow me to be the first.”

She unlocked the door, never once letting loose of her hold on him. When the door opened, she pulled him along with her into her living room. As she dragged him to the floor, Doug noticed there was no fire glowing from the fireplace in front of them. Puzzled as she began to pull him out of his jacket and shed her own, he turned to her confused.

“Don’t we need to light a fire first?” he asked her softly.
“Trust me when I tell you, Doug,” she touched his face gently. “You already have.”
“Then, I need to call Mark and tell him I won’t be home so he doesn’t get worried.” Carol’s response to that was to quickly reach behind her and hand him the phone receiver. She dialed the number for him and set to taking off her jewelry while he watched, growing more excited with every passing moment. “Hey, Mark, it’s me...I won’t be home tonight so don’t wait up” was all he said before handing the phone back to her.

She put the phone back on the hook and took his face in both her hands, kissing him sweetly and tenderly. And when he kissed her back, he knew that Caitlyn was the very last thing on his mind...


To Be Continued

March 4, 1999