"Second Chances"
(continued)

Mark Greene stirred sugar into his coffee while he glanced over the morning newspaper. He was sitting at a table in the cafeteria, trying to wake up from the couple of hours sleep he had managed to squeeze in the night before.

"Do you mind some company?"

He heard someone ask him. He looked up to see Doug Ross standing at his table holding his daughter against him and balancing a breakfast tray in his hands.

"That’s a pretty good trick" Mark motioned to the tray. "How do you do that while holding a squirming baby?"

"It’s not as easy as it looks!" he chuckled. "May we join you?"

"Sure!" Mark motioned to a chair across from him.

Doug set the tray on the table and then carried Cassidy with him to get a high chair for her. Then, he scooted her in the chair and over to the table.

"So, how are things in the ER?" he smiled at Mark as he sat down, pulling Cassidy’s diaper bag off his shoulder and placing it on the table.

"Crazy" Mark smiled. "Like always. I’m in the middle of a 36 hour shift...don’t get off until 6AM tomorrow."

"I don’t miss any of those!" Doug laughed. He reached into the bag and took out a sipping cup of orange juice and handed it to Cassidy.

"Has she had breakfast already?" Mark wanted to know.

"Oh yeah. She gets hers at home, which is why I have to eat mine here!" Doug chuckled. "No matter what time I get up, there just doesn’t seem to be enough time to get both of us ready to go every morning." he shook his head.

"At least you’re trying" Mark told him. "That’s more than I did." Doug gave him a curious look across the table. "I just worried about me and what I wanted with my job" Mark shrugged. "I never stopped to think what it was doing to Jen...or the time it took away from Rachel. It’s no wonder Jen left me."

"Takes two to make a marriage" Doug told him as he poured milk over his cereal. "Takes two to break it up."

"Yeah, that’s what I heard, too" Mark nodded. "But, it sure doesn’t seem that way now" he paused. "So, how are things going with you?"

"So far, so good. I wanted to ask you about something, though."

"OK"

"I wanted to know if you know any good lawyers in town?"

"Are you in trouble already?"

"No, nothing like that" Doug laughed. "Although the DA from New York will be in sometime this week" he sighed. "But, that’s not a problem. I need to talk to a lawyer about something else."

"Sure, I can give you the names of a couple if you can wait until later this afternoon for them."

"This afternoon is fine. No real hurry."

"OK, I’ll run them up to you later."

"Great" Doug nodded. "Thanks."

"I have to get to work" Mark looked at his watch. "Do you bowl, by any chance?" he asked Doug as he got up to leave.

"I’ve been known to crack a few pins" Doug grinned.

"I’ll call you sometime? We’ll go bowling?"

"Just be sure it’s on a night when I can get a sitter" Doug nodded.

"Yeah" Mark nodded. "Sure."

Doug finished breakfast and carried Cassidy out with him up to his office. He put her down on the floor to play and went to his computer. But, his mind was not on his work. His mind was on Aaron Gooddin...the New York DA whom he had come to know far better than he ever wanted to. He had received a call from the Chicago Police informing him that the DA would be in one day this week and then he should be able to set about getting his car repaired. But, Doug already knew he didn’t want it repaired. He would just take the insurance money and buy a new car. If he could just get past this next glitch, his life should settle into some form of normalcy. Feeling a bit stressed by everything going on, he was really glad it was a day for him to see Nina Pomerantz. He really needed someone to talk to right now.

He worked on the computer for a while and emailed several things to Rick Schlister for his review when Cassidy began to cry. He got up from his desk and walked over to her, sitting on the floor, bawling loudly. She reached her arms up to him and he picked her up, feeling through her clothes to check the weight of her diaper.

"You don’t need changed" he told her with a smile. "What’s your problem, little one?" She quickly flung her short arms around him and buried her head on his shoulder, still sobbing. "You just want to be with Daddy for a while, huh?" he patted her back. "OK. Daddy can take a break." He carried her over to his chair and sat down with her, tilting the chair forward and back in a rocking motion. "You want Daddy to read to you?" He kissed Cassidy’s cheek lightly as he reached into a desk drawer and took out a story book he had recently bought for her. "Look here" he showed her the brightly colored cover of the book. "This is Dr. Suess...your favorite!" He opened the cover and Cassidy began to reduce her tears. "This is Horton Hears A Hoo" he told her. "You like Horton..."

He cuddled the baby on his shoulder and began to read the story to her. She sat on his lap and watched him turn the pages for a while, but, she eventually fell asleep in his arms. He ran his hand across the peach fuzz of her head and kissed it softly. Then, he picked her up and carried her over to her sleep-n-play and laid her down for her nap, covering her with a blanket. Then, he went quietly back to his desk to resume his work. But he couldn’t get his mind off Aaron Gooddin.

Doug was never quite sure what the stern DA had in for him other than he got the initial impression this guy just plain didn’t like him much. He had never even considered the wreck that killed Caitlyn was an accident. His investigation had indicated the brakes of the car had been tampered with and the mechanic at the garage had verified that Doug had brought the car in just the day before to ‘have some work done’ on it. Even though Doug had a receipt that showed the car received only a tune up, the DA was insistent that he had killed his wife by making it look like an accident. He had uncovered in his investigation that just two months prior to the accident, Doug had taken out $100,000 life insurance policies on himself and his wife. The DA thought he was looking to cash in on that and wanted him charged with first degree murder. The Grand Jury decided there was not enough physical evidence to take the case to trial, but, Aaron had assured Doug he would catch up with him later...he would prove his point. During the shuffle of legal proceedings, Aaron had gone as far as to call Child Services to remove Cassidy from Doug’s custody pending outcome of the investigation. He claimed ‘fear for the child’s safety’ a good enough reason to remove her. But, the Child Services agent knew Doug from his work at the hospital and knew that he was an advocate against child abuse. She saw no reason to fear for the child’s safety and moved that the baby be left with her only remaining parent. The whole incident had shaken Doug badly. He had felt very self conscious and paranoid during this time and that was one reason he had sought out professional help. He knew Nina Pomerantz because she was good friends with his wife and a fellow co-worker at Siani but it was his Chief of Staff who actually recommended her as a psychiatrist. Doug had gone to her, afraid and feeling very alone and he had wound up talking to her about things other than the loss of his wife.

He had gone through Caitlyn’s funeral like a zombie. Her parents were devestated with grief. He wasn’t too strong himself. He did remember laying the rose on her casket at the graveside, and he remembered he knelt to it and kissed it softly. He remembered that his hands shook so badly that he couldn’t raise himself back up from the ground and his father-in-law had helped him to his feet. But he never remembered shedding even one tear. Later, he would wonder why, and he asked Nina about that. She had told him that sometimes the body is just in too much shock to allow emotions to filter through. She assured him that once everything caught up with him, the tears would come. And they had. Alone in their apartment one night, watching the rain banter against the windows, listening to the thunder while lightning cracked across the sky, it had hit him. He was alone. Caitlyn was gone. The DA thought he was a murderer. Child Services was investigating whether or not to remove his daughter from his custody. His mother was far away in Illinois. His father was locked away from him in prison. His best friend had left for California just weeks before. He had no one to comfort him...no one to be there for him...and no one to care. He had gone into Cassidy’s room and watched her sleeping. Then he picked her up and held her close to him, rocking her in a rocker and crying softly. He had gone into a tailspin after that...drinking and neglecting his dialysis treatments. This went on until the toxins from the waste not leaving his body overtook his system and he was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night and the staff that he had worked along side for several years worked in desperate measures to save his life. Cassidy was placed with his in-laws and they brought her to the hospital to him every day. One night in a dream he realized that he was all Cassidy had as a parent now and he had to do the job of two. For her, he vowed to get his act together. And he had. He hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since except for one glass which he allowed himself for special occasions like New Year’s or something similar. But, deep inside him, he knew he still felt alone. He had Cassidy, yes. And she needed him. But, his needs were no longer being taken care of.

He wondered if he had run away, as several people suggested to him, by taking the job in California. He had sold almost everything in the apartment so that when he got where he was going he would have all new things. No reminders, he thought. Did he really want to forget? He knew thinking about his life with Caitlyn was painful but he could never forget. Every time he looked at Cassidy he would remember the love they had shared.

But, his mind couldn’t erase the vision of Carol Hathaway holding her either. He had sat right there at that very desk and looked across the room at this woman holding his baby close to her and cuddling her just like she belonged to her. And Cassidy had buddied right up to Carol, and that was not something she usually did. She was a bit shy with strangers and had to warm up to them before she would cuddle. What was it about this woman that he couldn’t get her out of his mind? That no matter what he was doing, he couldn’t stop and think about her. And wonder what she was doing at that very moment.

All of his thoughts were scattered by a knock at his office door. He turned his attention quickly and ripped the door open. There, sooner than he was ready for it, stood Aaron Gooddin.

"Hello, Dr. Ross" he smiled, showing Doug his police badge. "And so we meet again."

"I need to get somebody to stay here with the baby" Doug told him in a hushed tone. "She just went to sleep and I don’t want to wake her."

"No need for that, Doug" the DA’s voice was softer than Doug thought he had ever heard it. "This will only take a minute."

"OK" Doug nodded. "Come on in, but, please, no shouting, OK?"

"No need to shout, either" Aaron told him as he walked into the office. "I owe you an apology, Doug. I’m very sorry" he extended his hand to Doug to shake in a peace offering.

"I don’t think I understand" Doug shook hands with him, but, his expression was one of confusion.

"Your car’s steering had been tampered with. I was told you had the car serviced in New York before you left on this trip...the same garage you had the work done on the car before your wife’s accident?"

"Yes, it was" Doug shrugged. "So what?"

"So, it was you someone was after...not you trying to collect on $100,000 worth of insurance."

"I tried to tell you I took out those insurance polices after Cassidy was born...so that she would have security if anything happened to us."

"I know you did" Aaron nodded. "And I didn’t want to listen. You have to forgive me, Doug. I misjudged you completely. And I’m very sorry for the mental anguish I caused you over this."

"Well, then, I guess I have to be a big enough man to overlook all of this, then, don’t I?" Doug tried to smile, but the gesture just wasn’t in him.

"I’ll go back to New York and close your chapter of this case" Aaron told him. "But, I’ll start as soon as I’m back with the garage and try to find out who wants you dead. Because whoever it is, is probably still out there looking."

"Real comforting thought" Doug nodded sarcastically.

"I’ll be in touch" Aaron told him as he opened the door to start out.

"OK" Doug sighed. "Thanks."

He closed the door thinking that at least he had Aaron Gooddin off his back. But, it wasn’t very reassuring for him to know that someone was trying to kill him. Maybe leaving New York wasn’t such a bad thing after all. And maybe it would take some time for them to find him in Chicago. And maybe they wouldn’t find him at all. Maybe this whole nightmare was behind him.

But, he knew better than that. He had a way of attracting trouble. He stood and looked at Cassidy sleeping on the soft mat of her play pen and wondered what the future held for both of them.

Doug was sitting in the window seat, holding Cassidy on his lap when there was a knock at his office door again.

"Come in" he called out.

Mark Greene came in to see the father-daughter scene and smiled. The teething baby was gnawing on a drool soaked piece of Zwieback toast.

"Oh, yeah!" Mark teased his new friend. "This is a hard job!"

"It’s harder than it looks!" Doug assured him, just as Cassidy offered her toast to him by sticking it in his mouth. Doug made a face and returned it to her.

"Are you refusing her offering, ‘Dad’?" Mark grinned.

"Any way I can" Doug chuckled and looked up at Mark. "What’s up?"

"I have those names you wanted? Lawyers?" he held up a piece of paper with several names written on it.

"Oh, good. Thanks. Just lay it on my desk over there."

"Would I be nosy if I asked what you’re up to?"

"Yes, you would!" Doug chuckled. "But, I’ll tell you anyway. I’m trying to get my dad out of prison."

"You’re dad is in prison?" Mark seemed sincere. "I’m very sorry to hear that."

"Aren’t you going to ask me what he’s in there for?" Doug taunted with him.

"That would be none of my business" Mark told him truthfully.

"True, but you’re dying to know, aren’t you?"

"Well, OK...I admit that I don’t know too many people who have parents in prison" Mark laughed.

"Exactly how many is ‘not too many’?" Doug wanted to know.

"Counting you? It would be one" Mark sat on the edge of Doug’s desk.

"That’s what I figured" Doug smiled. "He killed a man" Doug told him quietly. "And he got a raw deal from the system. I’ve been trying to find a way to get him out for the past ten years and nobody’s been able to help. I’m hoping a new set of lawyers might know something nobody else does." Cassidy dropped her toast and wrapped her arms around Doug, crying suddenly. "Would you hand me her bag over there, please?" Mark looked behind him and saw the diaper bag. He grabbed it, and reached it over to Doug. Doug rummaged inside one of the pockets until he found a tube of ORAJEL and squeezed some out on his finger to rub it on the baby’s gums. "Is that better, sweetheart?" he patted her bottom affectionately.

"Why did he kill him?" Mark wanted to know.

"Does it matter?" Doug asked him, cuddling his daughter on his shoulder trying to soothe her pain.

"Well, sure! I mean, did he kill him just to watch him die? Or did he have a good reason?"

"He had a good reason."

"And he’s been in prison how long?"

"Almost twenty-five years."

"Wow. That’s a long time. No wonder you want to get him out."

"I appreciate your help, Mark. Thanks."

"Is this thing about your dad a big secret? Something you don’t want people to know about?"

"Most people who know much about me know about my dad" Doug told him. "But, I’d rather it didn’t make it onto the hospital scuttlebutt if that’s OK with you."

"I’m not a gossiper" Mark assured him.

"No, probably not" Doug grinned. "You look more like the kind of guy who reads personnel files when you think nobody’s looking!" Mark balked a little at that but chuckled nonetheless.

"Well, I wish you good luck, then" he nodded to Doug.

"Thanks." he looked up at Mark, who was fidgeting nervously and toying with his hands. "He was the DA from New York." Doug offered softly.

"Excuse me?" Mark gave him a surprised look.

"The guy that was asking downstairs for me earlier...he was the DA from New York."

"How did you know anyone was asking downstairs for you?"

"Because everybody that comes into this hospital comes in through the ER entrance. And the only way Aaron Gooddin would have known exactly where to find me would be if he asked somebody downstairs where to find me." he smiled. "I wasn’t born yesterday, Mark. I know how these things work."

"Well, since I didn’t see him take you away in handcuffs, I’m assuming everything is all right with you?"

"He’s closing his case on me" he nodded.

"Well, I’m sure that was a relief for you" Mark smiled.

"Well, sort of. It means he knows now what I tried to tell him all along...that I didn’t kill my wife. But, it also means what I suspected in the first place...that I was the intended target."

"Why would somebody want to kill you?"

"Why does somebody want to kill anybody?" Doug shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Well, why did the DA think you killed your wife?"

"Because he found out I had a $100,000 insurance policy on her. I took out one of each of us when Cassidy was born and that was for her future security...not anything else. But, it was only a couple of months after I took that when Kate was killed, so I guess I can see how he would come to that conclusion. As long as it’s closed now, I’m OK with it." Cassidy sat up on his lap and began to cry loudly.

"Something wrong with the baby?" Mark made a sympathetic look.

"She’s teething" Doug patted her back. "She’s having a real rough day today."

"Well, she’s lucky she’s got a pediatrician for a daddy" Mark smiled.

"I don’t think she thinks that right now. I’ve spent more time with her this morning than I have working!"

"Well, she needs you more than you need to work."

"I guess" Doug held Cassidy close to him and patted her back. Her crying turned to soft whimpering.

"OK, so, I need to get back to work. I just wanted to get those names and numbers up to you. Good luck."

"Thanks, Mark. I appreciate it."

Mark left the office and Cassidy pulled her head up to look at Doug, tears streaming down her cheeks. Then, she wrapped her tiny arms around her and clung to him, holding a fist full of his shirt clutched in her fingers. Doug chuckled and patted her bottom to comfort her.

"You’re just not going to let me get any work done today at all, are you?" he kissed her cheek sweetly. "It’s OK, little one. Daddy doesn’t feel very good today either..."

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes briefly, rocking Cassidy close to him and lost in thought.

Mark Greene started sifting through files in the ER and looking at the board to see what patients were waiting for him. Kerry Weaver came up beside him and smiled lightly at the frown on his face.

"You look really concerned about something" she told him.

"I’m worried about Doug Ross" Mark told her quietly. But not so quietly that Carol Hathaway didn’t hear him from her working station down the desk.

"What’s wrong with Doug Ross?" she looked up quickly and she was sure her concern was showing in her face but she couldn’t help it.

"He just doesn’t look well" Mark shook his head. "I may have released him to work too soon. His color isn’t very good today."

"I haven’t seen Doug today" Carol commented.

"I had to take something up to his office a while ago" Mark explained. "He was sitting with the baby, and she’s not feeling very well today either..."

"What’s wrong with Cassidy?" Carol asked again, still concerned.

"He says she’s teething. She didn’t look very happy. And he looked pretty content to just be taking care of her and nothing else right now. I’ll check back on him later..."

"A little enthusiastic about Doug Ross, aren’t we, Carol?" Kerry moved closer to her friend and smiled at her.

"He’s a nice guy" Carol nodded.

"Uh huh" Kerry nodded, getting a quick look from Carol. "He is! I agree!" Kerry defended herself.

"And that’s ALL there is to it!" Carol assured her.

"OK" Kerry nodded. "If you say so."

"I admire the way he tries to be both parents to that little baby." Carol defended her views even further.

"OK" Kerry laughed. "I get the picture, Carol! Sorry!"

Kerry moved off to go back to work and Carol tried hard to concentrate on her work, but her mind kept drifting to the office upstairs. What she told Kerry was true. She did think he was a nice guy. And she did admire the way he took care of the baby. But, she wondered who was left to take care of him since he was alone in his life now. And he did have things that needed cared for. Not just sexual needs that any man has, but he had an illness...and an unpredictable one at that. Mark said his color wasn’t good. That made Carol wonder what his color looked like. She kept hoping he would come downstairs for something, but, he rarely needed to be off the floor his office was on. If she wasn’t on duty when he came in she likely wouldn’t get to see him unless she went upstairs for something. She had made it a point to start taking lab test requests up herself now, hoping he might have his office door open and she could smile and wave to him as she went by. She couldn’t think of ample excuses to just go up there on her own because she didn’t know how he felt about her yet. So, she had to keep playing it cool and hoping he would make the first move.

Doug carried Cassidy to the day care center and left her in the trusted watch of Jennifer Williams. He explained to her that the baby was teething and she was pretty cranky. He left her diaper bag and told Jennifer there was Orajel and anything else she might need inside. He kissed Cassidy good bye and told Jennifer he’d be gone about an hour or so. Then, he walked out quickly, leaving Cassidy screaming and reaching her arms for him as he headed for the elevator. He could still hear the baby crying as he got in and pushed the button for the 6th floor.

Nina Pomerantz was working at her desk when Doug knocked at her office door. Without looking up, she kept writing and directed him to ‘Come In’. She knew he was her next appointment and she was expecting him. He came into her office and slid quietly into a chair across from her desk.

"How are you today, Doug?" she smiled as she continued to make her notes on the file in front of her.

"A little sluggish today" he told her truthfully.

"I’m sorry to hear that" she closed the file and smiled up at him. "Are you not feeling well? Or something weighting you down?"

"A little of both I think" he sighed. "The DA was in today. He’s clearing the file on me but he gave me the ‘good news’ that I was the intended target. Not Kate."

"You have any idea who would be after you?"

"None that I can think of right off. I’m not going to worry about it yet. Hopefully they’re still back in New York."

"So, that’s the weighting you down part, huh?"

"That, and Cass. She’s teething and she’s having a real rough day. Makes my day a little rough, too."

"Oh, bless her little heart. Well, she’s lucky she has her Daddy with her all day. She could be stuck in a day care with strangers taking care of her instead of you."

"I’m very thankful for this job the way it is. It makes it easier for both of us."

"How are things going for you here?"

"Pretty good. I’ve connected pretty well with a couple of new people, and of course, Kerry and David Morganstern being here helps a lot."

"Who are the new people?"

"Mark Greene..."

"Yes, Mark can be very helpful sometimes" Nina smiled.

"He’s a real tight assed kind of guy, though, isn’t he? I mean, a no nonsense, by the book kind of guy?"

"He tends to be, yes."

"I thought so. I can spot those kind a mile away. But, he’s OK, too, you know? I like him. And, then, there’s Carol..."

"Carol? Carol Hathaway?"

"Yeah" he nodded. "God, Nina. I’m not ready for this" he shook his head.

"Not ready for what?"

"Not ready for feelings."

"Feelings? For Carol Hathaway?"

"Feelings for anybody...especially Carol Hathaway!"

"Carol’s a wonderful girl. Why would you have a problem with that?"

"I’m just not ready for any of that yet. I haven’t had enough time..."

"Well, don’t you think it’s about time?"

"I don’t know, Nina" he shook his head. "I just don’t know how to handle this."

"Have you gone back to church? Or are you still angry with God?"

"I was never really big on church anyway, Nina. I just went for Kate mostly. I didn’t want her to think she married a pagan, even though she knew it anyway."

"So, the last time you were in church was to have Cassidy baptized?"

"Exactly. I know I should expose her but she’s really too little right now. Maybe when she’s bigger, I’ll start going back."

"But, did you get over being angry with God?"

"I don’t think I was ever really angry with God. I don’t think I was ever able to feel much of anything, really. Until I came here."

"And met Carol Hathaway?"

"I don’t know what it is about her. I just know that the second I rolled my head down on that trauma table and focused my eyes on her, something happened inside me. My heart opened up and I felt something for the first time in ages."

"I don’t believe that, Doug. I don’t believe you can hold that little girl in your arms and not feel something."

"That’s different. A whole different kind of love. I’m very grateful for Cass. If I didn’t have her, I don’t know where I’d be right now. She’s my reason for getting out of bed in the mornings. She’s my whole world."

"No, she’s not. You have your father as well...he gets a lot of your attention as well."

"Yeah, every third weekend of the month" he sighed.

"How is Ray these days?"

"He’s OK, you know? But, he’s starting to look old. I’ve been kind of worried about him lately. I’m working now on getting a new lawyer to look over the transcripts. I want to get him out of there."

"I wish you good luck with that. I know how important it is to you."

"Thank you" he nodded sadly. "This is about my last hope."

"Now, let’s talk about why you wanted to see me. Can we do that?"

"The nightmares are back" he admitted lowly.

"Are they as severe as they were in New York?"

"Yeah" he nodded. "They’re pretty bad."

"Are you taking sleeping pills again?"

"Yeah, but they’re OTC. I don’t have anymore of the ones you gave me."

"Do you want me to give you a script for more of those?"

"No" he shook his head. "I’d be afraid I’d sleep through an alarm on the machine or Cass would cry and I wouldn’t hear her. I don’t want to take a chance like that."

"So, you just want to talk?"

"If I tell you something, will you honestly not think I’m crazy?"

"I know you’re not crazy, Doug" she smiled.

"While I was staying with Kerry, I had this dream...at least I THINK it was a dream. Kate came to me. She told me I was supposed to be here...in Chicago. She said he had her hands on the wheel of the car that night, not me. This is my destiny here. My fate lies with Carol Hathaway. What do you think about that?"

"I think your wife is trying to give you a message from the grave. What do you think that message is?"

"To let go" his words choked in his throat. "And get on with my life." His tears brimmed in his eyes and he let them spill over unashamed. In Nina’s pressence, he wasn’t afraid to show his emotions. He didn’t have to be strong and protective with her. "I’m just not ready for that yet, Nina. I don’t want to put Kate out of my life yet."

"Doug, listen to me, OK?" she reached out and held his hand in hers, rubbing it gently. "You loved Caitlyn very much. And she had no doubts about that. And she loved you. Together, you made a beautiful little girl that needs you very much right now..."

"I’m doing the best I can with her, Nina. But, sometimes, it’s just so hard..."_ "I’m going to get you into a single parents support group, OK? I think it might help you with some of this with Cassidy. And you are wonderful with Cassidy. Don’t ever think you aren’t. How many men do you know would take their baby daughter to work with them?"

"Any one of them that could."

"No, I don’t agree with that" Nina smiled and shook her head. "You’re a very special man, Doug. That’s why Caitlyn loved you so much. And Cassidy is very lucky to have you for a Daddy."

"I just miss her so much" he quickly caught the tears from his eyes with his fingers. "And I’m tired of being alone."

"Then, don’t be. Don’t be alone. Caitlyn surely wouldn’t want you to be alone. That’s why she set you free."

"I know what you’re saying makes sense" he nodded.

"And I know it’s easier said than done" she assured him. "Take everything slow. If you’re attracted to Carol Hathaway, let her know it, but tell her you want to go slow and easy for a while. Carol will understand. She’s had her own share of problems in the love interest area."

"Yeah, I met David West recently." Doug nodded sarcastically. "Carol is very easy to talk to."

"Then, play on that. Use that as your key with her. You have to start living again, Doug. Don’t think you’re being unfaithful to Caitlyn...she’s already set you free...she wants you to move on in your life."

"I know what you’re saying makes sense..."

"Just work on it one step at a time, OK?"

"OK" he nodded and smiled a little this time.

"And if you need me, you let me know, all right?"

"OK, Nina" he reached over and hugged her. "I’m so happy to be back with you again!"

"You’ll be fine, Doug. I know you...and I know you’ll be all right with time" she looked at her watch. "And I’ll see you next Tuesday unless you need me before then, OK?"

"OK" he nodded. "Thanks, Nina."

He felt better as he headed back to the day care to pick up Cassidy. He thought about what she said about making a play for Carol Hathaway. Now he just had to figure out how to do that...

Carol came into the ER to start her shift early the next morning. She liked coming in so early because things were usually quiet enough that she could get caught up on things that she had to put aside during the busy day. She hung up her coat in her locker and went out to sift through her basket. She stopped short at the sight of a lone pink carnation lying on top of the work basket. She picked it up and held to her nose to get a whiff of it’s spicy aroma and smiled.

"Jerry" she turned to the desk clerk, still holding her flower. "Where did this come from?"

"I don’t know" Jerry shook his head. "I haven’t seen anybody down here all morning."

"So sweet" she smiled and inhaled the flower’s scent again. "Why wouldn’t they tell me who they are?"

"Maybe it’s a secret admirer." Jerry offered with a smile.

Carol took the flower and found a vase for it in the lounge so she could put it in some water and place it on her desk to enjoy it. She knew it couldn’t be from David. He wouldn’t give a flower if his life depended on it. Maybe someone would owe up to it later, she thought. She would just enjoy it while she was working.

"ER!" Carol grabbed the phone quickly later in the morning. Things were busy now and she sounded a bit hurried.

"Did you find my present?" a soft sexy voice asked her quietly from the other end. She looked at the extension number and smiled.

"Doug! You gave me the flower!"

"You did find it, then?"

"Yes, of course I did! So very sweet of you! Why didn’t you tell me it was from you?"

"Because I didn’t want everybody in the ER to know it was from me" he chuckled. "I wanted it to be just for you."

"Well, thank you. I think it’s beautiful" she paused. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Me? I’m fine" he sounded confused. "Why did you ask?"

"Well, Mark mentioned you weren’t feeling very well yesterday. I was just concerned."

"Well, we all have days like that, don’t we?" she could hear him smile. "Cass had a rough day yesterday and I think I showed it more than she did. She’s better today, though. And she’s letting me get some work done."

"That’s good" Carol nodded. "You take care of yourself, OK? I need to get back to work."

"Yeah, me too. Listen, though, I’d like to talk to you later...not today but sometime later. Maybe over dinner?"

"I’d like that" she smiled.

"OK, then, I guess I’ll check with you later."

The line promptly went dead and Carol hung up the receiver on her end, still smiling. Maybe, she thought, just MAYbe this was going to turn into a good thing.

Doug Ross came down into the ER later in the afternoon, carrying Cassidy in his arms. The little girl was happier today, smiling and waving a backwards hand wave to everybody they passed in the hallway. He strolled up to the desk and Cassidy reached for Carol the instant she saw her.

"Hello, Cassidy!" she reached to take the baby into her arms. "I see you’re feeling better today."

"Yes, thank God" Doug chuckled. "I know she can’t help it, but, sometimes it really gets to me when she cries like that."

"That’s because you don’t have anyone else to take her for a while. You’re the only one there to deal with her."

"I know" he sighed. "But, it’s OK. I love the little rugrat" He smiled at the sight of Carol holding his child. Cassidy plunged her fingers into Carol’s hair and Carol carefully removed them, pulled her hair gently away. "She loves long hair" he admitted.

"Most babies do" Carol smiled.

"Is Mark Greene around here anywhere?" Doug asked her shyly.

"No, he’s off duty right now. He won’t be back until tomorrow morning. Is there something you need?"

"No, I was just going to ask him about something."

"I can call another doctor..."

"No, that’s OK" Doug reached to take his daughter back. "It’s not important. It can wait."

"OK, if you’re sure." Carol smiled at him.

"Listen, you have a good time at your birthday party tomorrow night, OK? And I’m real sorry I couldn’t go with you."

"Oh, that’s OK" she laughed. "I’m sure it will be another confrontation with David, but, hey! Sometimes, it’s worth it. When will you get to see your dad?"

"I’ll be in Kentucky tomorrow afternoon but I won’t get to see him until Sunday."

"Well, I hope you enjoy the visit."

"Thanks. I hope I do, too" he nodded with a soft smile. "Tell Aunt Carol bye bye" he waved Cassidy’s hand to Carol.

"Bye bye, Cassidy! You take care of your daddy this weekend."

"Oh, she will!" Doug laughed as he carried her back down the hall for the elevator that would take him back upstairs.

Carol watched him go until he disappeared from her sight. She knew now what Mark meant when he said Doug’s color wasn’t good. Carol didn’t think it was either. He looked a little green and his skin was a pasty color. But, she relented on the fact that he was a doctor and he would know if something was wrong, so, she let it go at that.

But, later that afternoon, she made it a point to take some lab requests upstairs. As luck would have it, Doug’s office door was open and she was able to look in casually as she walked by it. Doug was at his desk, but, he wasn’t working. He had his head laying down on his folded arms and his reading glasses off and lying close beside him. Carol walked quietly into the room and looked to see Cassidy napping peacefully in her sleep-n-play. She walked over to Doug’s desk to see that the computer was on and the email box was flashing in the corner of the screen. She reached down and carefully touched his shoulder, shaking him just slightly.

"Doug?" she called to him softly. "Are you OK?"

"Huh?" he looked up at her through his tousled bangs, rubbing his eyes and pulling himself up in the chair. "Yeah, I’m fine! I must have dozed off for a minute!" he grinned at her.

"Are you sure you’re OK?" Carol felt his face with her hand. "You feel a little warm."

"It’s just where I had my head covered up" he shrugged it off. "Nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure you should be making this trip this weekend?"

"Yeah, I’m fine" he grinned at her. "Really."

"I’m not so sure" Carol folded her arms. "But, you’re the doctor."

"What are you doing up here, anyway?" he leaned back in his chair and smiled at her.

"I had to drop off some lab tests."

"And when did that become a nurse’s job?" He grinned at her. "I thought orderlies always did that sort of thing."_ "I couldn’t find one" she shrugged.

"Oh, well" he nodded. "That makes sense!"

"Well, I guess I better get back down to the ER." Carol started inching towards the door.

"Yeah, and I guess I better get back to work as well" he turned his attention back to his computer. But, he kept a watch on her out of the corner of his eye...watching her go and trying not to smile. Now he felt good about being sure she was as attracted to him as he was to her. That might makes things a little easier for him in his quest.

Carol nearly kicked herself all the way back to the ER. What a fool she had made herself look like in front of him! A lovesick little school girl, ogling over the football captain. She figured he must think she was a total fool. And she felt that way all the way back to her desk until she got there and saw the carnation sitting in the vase. No, he couldn’t think that if he’d given her that. She smiled, and rested her thoughts in this belief.

It was cold and gray in Kentucky when Doug paid the cab fair and lifted his daughter out in her car carrier. She was busy playing happily with the chime animal he had tied onto her coat. He turned his collar up against the whipping wind as he walked towards the steel guarded gate.

"Hey, Doug!" the uniformed guard greeted him and swung open the gate for him. He had made this trip every month for so many years that he was on a first name basis with nearly every guard in the prison. "Hi, Cassidy!" he smiled down at the baby.

"Hey, Kent" Doug sighed as he waited for a visitor’s tag.

"You don’t look so good!" the guard commented. "You feeling OK?"

"Just working hard" Doug nodded. "That’s all."

"Well, here you go!" he handed Doug a visitor’s pass and pushed the button to trigger the electronic lock on the main gate. "Enjoy your visit, Doug."

"Yeah" Doug nodded solemnly to him. "Thanks."

He went up the stone walk way into the visitor’s entrance. Once inside, he passed through the electronic security gate. No alarm went off and the buzzer sounded for him to push open the gate and enter. He took off his coat once he was inside and sat the baby carrier on the bench and took Cassidy’s coat off her. He handed both coats to the guard behind the counter and pinned his visitor’s tag on his sweater. He carried Cassidy to the visitor’s room and sat her carrier on the floor. It was a medium security prison, so, he had to be frisked before he could enter. He held his arms out to the sides and spread his legs slightly apart while a uniformed guard gave him a thorough search. He could handle that and it didn’t bother him. But, when his daughter had to be undressed by a female guard and her diaper opened to be sure he wasn’t packing anything in to his father, it bothered him. Cassidy was still too young the understand and as long as she didn’t he would continue to bring her. But, he knew he was going to have to stop bringing her if he couldn’t find a way to get Ray out pretty soon. They also had to rummage through her diaper bag, which he didn’t like, but he could accept that better than undressing his baby. Satisfied he wasn’t carrying anything, the guard nodded and another uniformed officer led him into the rows of tables in the visiting room. Many inmates were already there and having time with their families. The guard led Doug to a table close to the window and he sat down in a chair, setting Cassidy in her carrier on the table beside him. Then, he waited and watched the automated doors with bars open, watching for his father. Finally, he saw Ray being led with a guard holding him by one arm. He had both his wrists in cuffs, which were taken off when he sat down at the table. Doug had to sit across from him and was not allowed to touch him, but, because she was a baby, his father could hold Cassidy on his lap. As soon as the guard stepped away, Ray smiled at his son.

"You look terrible, son" he told him honestly.

"Thanks, Dad" Doug ginned at him. "That’s a hell of a ‘how-do-you-do’!"

"Well, I’m sorry, son, but, you do. I’ve seen you look bad before but I’ve never seen you look like this. I’ve seen men your color around here...they’re usually carrying them out on a slab!"

"You’re exaggerating!" Doug laughed.

"No, I’m not" Ray shook his head. "But, you’re the doctor. You call your own shots."

"I’m OK" Doug smiled. "What about you? You doing OK?"

"I’m a hell of a lot better than you are, I can tell you that!" Ray told him sharply. "But, we’ll drop the subject. I promise." he reached for Cassidy. "Let me have this little angel!" he smiled. Doug unstrapped Cassidy from the carrier and lifted her out to Ray. "Hello, little sweetheart!" Ray kissed her affectionately. "She’s growing, Doug."

"You didn’t expect her to?" Doug chuckled. "She’s had a rough week. She’s teething."

"Well, if she’s anything like you, you better scotch guard the furniture!" Ray laughed. "You were worse than the dog to gnaw on tables and anything else you could get your mouth around!" Doug chuckled with him.

"She’s OK" he told him quietly.

"So, did you get to California?" Ray bounced Cassidy on his knee like a pony ride.

"Uh, no. I got sidetracked, actually."

"Sidetracked? Sidetracked where?"

"I got stopped in Chicago."

"’Stopped in Chicago’ as in you got pulled over for speeding or ‘stopped in Chicago’ some other way?"

"’Stopped in Chicago’ as in I crashed the car into a guard rail!" Doug chuckled.

"My God, Doug! How long ago did this happen?"

"A couple of weeks" Doug shrugged.

"How long were you in the hospital?"

"A couple of days."

"Uh huh...they let you out too soon, didn’t they?"

"I’m OK, Dad." he sighed. "I didn’t come here to talk about me. I came to talk about you."

"Me? What about me?"

"I’m looking into another lawyer..."

"Now, Doug! We’ve been all through this before!" Cassidy reached up to pat Ray’s face and he made a wide happy look at her and a horsy sound as he bounced her more.

"Dad, be reasonable! You’ve been in the place for 25 years! There’s people who committed first degree acts that aren’t in prison that long! I want to get you out of here!" he looked down a bit. "I need you."

"You don’t need me, Doug. You’ve done a fine job of growing up without me" Ray shook his head.

"I love you, Dad" he looked up at him now, his eyes soft and serious. The old man smiled at him.

"I know you do, Son. Sometimes over all these years you were the only thing that kept me from tying my bed sheets together and hanging myself" he told him honestly. "Knowing that if I could just hold on for three weeks, I’d get to see my son again."

"I want to get you out of here. I want you to come to Chicago with me and help me raise my daughter..."

"You don’t plan to marry again?" Ray chuckled.

"I didn’t plan to" Doug shook his head. "Until I got to Chicago."

"Somebody in Chicago who interests you?" Ray was curious now.

"Yeah. Her name is Carol Hathaway and she’s a nurse at the hospital where I’m working now. She’s fantastic. And I’ve got this pull to her that I never felt before with a woman...not even Kate."

"Does she know about this little bundle?" Ray jostled Cassidy lightly.

"Yeah. And she’s crazy about her. And Cass seems to like her, too."

"Then, I think you should go for it, son. You don’t get too many second chances in life. You have to take them when they come."

"I know, Dad. I’m just..." he stopped, his voice trailing off. And he shrugged his shoulder, leaving his sentence unfinished.

"Scared?" Ray knew his son well. He smiled at him from across the table.

"I loved Kate, Dad" Doug looked over at him weakly. "I loved her more than I ever loved anything in my life..."

"I’d say that’s rather obvious" Ray patted Casey on the back. "Can’t make something like this without love." he smiled.

"I’m seeing Nina Pomerantz again" Doug admitted lowly.

"Good" Ray nodded. "That’s good. She helped you a lot the last time. If you need to see her, then, I’m glad you went back."

"I have some friends in Chicago. Kerry Weaver...remember her? And Nina. And David Morganstern...remember him?"

"You wouldn’t have a career now if it weren’t for him!" Ray chuckled.

"Yeah, well, he’s my boss now" Doug grinned. "Again."

"Well, tell me about this new job!" Ray was eager to get caught up on the events in Doug’s life.

"I’m still in research, I’m just the head of my own research projects now. It’s really a dream job for me. And I get to keep Cass with me most of the day, too. I like having a makeshift crib in my office. Everything is good now..."

"Except?" Ray coaxed him with a knowing look.

"There’s two people missing out of my life that I need in it very much. One of them I have no choice. The other one wants me to quit trying" he looked over at his father with a desperate look. "But, I’m not gone quit trying, Dad. I don’t want you to die in here. I want you to come home...with me...and Cass. We love you. And we need you."

"What do you need me for?" Ray scoffed. "Look at you! You’re all grown up! You’re a man now! You’re not the little boy I left behind when I came in here! Somebody else did all the work with you. I only saw you once a month. Another man played ball with you....taught you all the things I would have if it had been so I could have been able to. Somebody else corrected you when you needed it...tucked you in at night...held you when you hurt...and loved you..."

"You never stopped loving me!" Doug shot back at him quickly. "And I never stopped loving you! The steel bars of this prison only keep your hands off me and mine off you...they aren’t around my heart! Don’t you ever forget that!" He reached across the table and Ray reached his hand to him, both of them watching carefully to be sure a guard was not where he could see them. "I want to get you out of here, Dad" his voice was soft and sincere. "I want to put my arms around you...I want to feel your arms around me! I can’t even remember what that’s like, it’s been so long since we were allowed to touch each other. I don’t care what this system in here thinks, you are not a monster! Now that I have her, I don’t know but what I would do the same thing in your situation!"

"What I did was wrong, son...I accepted that a long time ago."

"In who’s eyes was it wrong? Man’s law? God’s law? What about what he did to me? Wasn’t that just as wrong?"

"I’ll tell you what, son...you do whatever you think you have to do, OK? I won’t get my hopes up because we’ve been through this before without results. We’ll just see what comes, OK?"

"OK" Doug nodded with a light smile. "That’s good enough for me. I just wanted you to know another lawyer may be coming out here."

"Now, let me enjoy my granddaughter for a while!" Ray chuckled and hoisted the laughing baby over his head while Doug smiled.

For the next two hours, Doug and Ray chatted and Ray played with Cassidy. Ray even took her with him to the vending machines to get some snacks and sodas for them and Doug let him feed Cassidy her bottle. He always gave Ray as much time with Casey as he possible could before he had to leave.

"I have to go" He told Ray, looking at his watch. "I’ve got a plane to catch."

"OK, son" Ray handed the baby back over to him. "Thanks for coming."

"I’ll see you in three weeks" Doug smiled at him, hoisting Casey up into his arms. "Tell Grandpa bye " he waved her tiny hand at Ray.

"Bye sweetheart" Ray smiled. "Take care of yourself, Doug. I’ll give you a call in a few days, all right?"

"OK" Doug nodded. "That’ll be fine, Dad. Take care."

He turned with Casey and started away because he hated to see the guards come and put cuffs on Ray to take him back to his cell. And he always wanted to hug him when he left but he wouldn’t do that because it would cost Ray too much if he did. He got their coats from the guard and bundled both of them up to go back out into the cold air.

He felt himself getting sluggish during the cab ride to the airport. And once he was on the plane he could have gone to sleep if Cassidy would have let him. She was awake the entire trip back and he tried not to get annoyed with her. By the time they were on the ground at O’Hare, just carrying her had become a chore. He got a cab and nothing ever looked so good as his own apartment and a nice soft couch...

He put Cassidy in her crib and eased himself onto the sofa. He leaned his head back for just a minute to relax from the trip.

Cassidy was wailing loudly when Doug woke up. The apartment was completely dark and he had no idea how long he had been asleep. He lifted his head and strained to see the time on his watch...nearly 2AM.

"I’m coming, Cass" he mumbled aloud.

But, his body wouldn’t move. His arms and legs felt like the weighed a ton and his muscles were frozen. He could hear Cassidy crying but he couldn’t get off the sofa to go to her. Now he began to feel a bit of panic rise in him. It took every ounce of strength he could muster to pull himself off the couch and once he was on his feet he felt pain shoot through his back and his right ride. He reached his hand back to apply quick pressure to the area but it didn’t ease the pain. He groaned lightly as he dragged himself across the floor. His feet skidded along the top of the carpet because he was not capable of lifting them. He had to walk along side the wall to support his body weight and he stayed on it all the way down to Cassidy’s room.

The little girl was standing up in her crib, clinging to the top bar, crying so hard her face was turning red. He reached down to pick her up, but, his arms couldn’t lift her. She was reaching her arms to him and crying , but, he couldn’t help her.

"It’s OK, sweetheart!" he put his hand on her head but he knew that wasn’t much comfort for her right now. "Daddy’s working on it."

He tried again to lift his daughter to him, but he couldn’t do it. Now, frustrated and alarmed, he ran his hand through his hair trying to collect his nerves.

"I’ll get us some help, sweetie" he told Cassidy before sliding his feet back out of the room while literally hanging on to the door facing to stay on his feet.

He made it back out to the sofa and grabbed the phone from the table beside him. He sat with the receiver in his lap and reached for the book of numbers he kept in a drawer. Now he had a dilemma. Who should he call? His mom was too far away. He would have to call somebody from the hospital. He thought for just a minute. Then, he opened the book and began dialing the number of the one person he thought he could trust the most.

Carol struggled to open her eyes. She reached sleepily over to the bed table beside her and groped for the phone. Her hand finally found it and she pulled it to her ear slowly, looking at the clock to see that it was 2:17AM.

"I’m not coming in, Kerry" she mumbled into the phone. "I just left at midnight!"

"It’s not Kerry, Carol" Doug bit his lip against his rising pain as he spoke softly into the phone.

"Doug?" Carol sat up in her bed, completely awake now. "Is that you?"

"I’m sorry to bother you so late" he told her, fighting hard to hold back the sound of pain in his voice. "But, I need some help."

"OK" she pulled her hair back away from her face. "What do you need?" She could hear crying in the background and this concerned her. "Is that Cassidy crying?"

"Yeah" Doug closed his eyes, gathering strength as well as courage before he continued. "Can you come over here? I’m not feeling too well. And I can’t get her to shut up right now." Carol could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Sure, Doug. I’m on my way." Carol threw the covers off her and swung her feet to the floor.

"Please hurry!" his voice finally choked in his throat. "If she doesn’t stop soon I’m afraid I might do something I’ll regret."

"It’s all right, Doug! I’ll be there as soon as I can! Just hang on as long as you can, OK?"

"OK" he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. "Thanks."

Doug hung up the phone and tried to ease back into the couch but his back hurt him too bad to put any pressure on it. He tried several times to find a comfortable position but finally gave up and just let the pain stay. He could hear Cassidy continuing to cry and it made his heart hurt that he couldn’t help her.

Carol blew on her hands to warm them as she waited for the train. She kept thinking about her conversation with Doug...and the sound of that poor baby crying pitifully in the background. And she knew it must be very hard for Doug to let her cry like that. He was so good with the baby...took such excellent care of her. Carol knew it had to hurt him very much for Cassidy to cry and him not to be able to help her. She got on the train and road watching out the window all the way to her stop.

"Doug?" he heard someone knocking at the door. "It’s Carol!"

"It’s open!" he groaned out at her.

Carol opened the door and stepped into Doug’s apartment. The only light on inside was a small stick up light up over a cabinet across from the sofa.

"Get Cass taken care of first!" he groaned at her. "She’s been crying for over an hour!"

"OK" she nodded and stepped quickly toward Cassidy’s room. "What’s the matter, sweetheart!" she cooed softly to the baby. She picked her up and cradled her head close to her. The baby’s body was wracked with sobs, her face was bright red and tear stains were caked all over her cheeks. "It’s all right, now, sweetheart. Aunt Carol will fix you right up." She carried the little girl to her changing table and tugged her out of her romper and her dirty diaper. She cleaned her up and sprinkled her bottom with cornstarch before putting on a fresh diaper. She put her in a clean sleeper and patted her gently as she carried her out of the room. "Come on...let’s go check on Daddy now, OK?" The baby whimpered a bit but her crying was subdued now. She carried her out to where Doug was sitting and he looked up at her helplessly.

"Is she OK?"

"She’s fine. She just needed a clean diaper."

"She’s probably hungry, too! Get her bottle out of her bag and give it to her, OK?"

"Sure" Carol nodded.

Carol carried Cassidy with her to get into her diaper bag on the table and fish out her bottle of juice. She pulled off the snappy cap and handed the bottle to the baby. Cassidy held the bottle in both her hands and began sucking desperately. Carol carried her back to the couch and sits her down on the far end. Cassidy sits against the sofa back and drinks her juice while Carol moves closer to Doug. She can tell he is in pain and she feels his face with her hands.

"Doug, you’re burning up! Let me get a few things to check you with" She went quickly to get a thermometer and blood pressure cuff out of his bag.

"Something’s wrong" he told her as she returned. "I’ve never had this kind of pain except when I first got hurt."

"OK" she told him calmly. "We’ll take care of it. Can you walk? Or should I call an ambulance?"

"For what?"

"To take you to the hospital!" she almost laughed that he would ask.

"I can’t go to the hospital!" he protested. "What will I do with Cass?"

"We’ll take her with us" Carol smiled. "Now, can you walk? Or should I call an ambulance?"

"I honestly don’t think I can walk" he sighed.

"OK, I’ll call an ambulance" she nodded again and reached for his phone. She quickly dialed 9-1-1 and waited for a dispatcher to answer. "Yes, I need an ambulance at 1721 Oak Lane, Apartment 217-A, please. Patient is conscious and lucid, having pain in the back region and running a fever..." she takes the therm-o-scan from Doug’s ear and reads the number, "102.4" she reports to the dispatcher. Then she pumps the BP cuff on his arm to get the reading. "BP is 154/102. Pulse is 115" she reports. "Patient is Caucasian male, 32 years old and suffers from renal problems. Patient does do dialysis..." looks at Doug "When did you do dialysis last? Last night?" Doug nods. "Last dialysis was less than 12 hours ago" she tells the dispatcher. "We want to go to County. 10 minutes?" Looks at her watch. "OK. Thank you." She hung up the phone and turned back to Doug, touching his face comfortingly. "Ambulance is on it’s way. Can I get you anything?"_ "A blanket, maybe" he looked helplessly up at her.

"Sure" she nodded again and went back to the bedroom to fetch a blanket for him. She brought it back and covered him up, tucking the cover around his shoulders. Carol looked up to see Cassidy was through with her juice and banging the bottle on the arm of the sofa. "Are you finished, sweetie!?" she smiled. She moved closer to her and Cassidy offered her the juice bottle. "Thank you" she took the bottle and set it out of the baby’s reach on the table. Then, she went back over to Doug and picked up the phone.

"Who are you calling now?" He groaned up at her.

"I’m calling Mark so he can meet us at the hospital if he’s not already there." She punched in Mark’s pager number and hung up the phone. Within seconds the phone rang. Carol snatched it up quickly. "Mark!?"

"Carol?" Mark was surprised on the other end to hear her voice. "Is this Doug’s number?"

"Yeah, I’m at his place. Listen, Mark, he’s really sick. He’s running a fever..."

"How high?"

"102.4. BP is up too....154/102....pulse is 115. He’s having a lot of pain in his back..."

"What kind of pain? Can he describe it to me?"

"What kind of pain, Doug?" Carol touched him carefully.

"Real sharp...and stabbing."

"Sharp, stabbing pain, Mark" Carol told him. "I’ve called an ambulance to bring him in. I just wanted to be sure you were there."

"Yeah, I’m here! I’ll be watching for you!"

"Thanks, Mark. We’ll be there soon!" she hung up and turned back to Doug, touching his face and petting his head. "Won’t be long, OK? You’ll be OK."

"Don’t leave me!" he clutched her hand tightly in his and his voice sounded desperate to her.

"I’m not going anywhere!" she smiled at him and sat on the sofa arm beside him, holding his hand.

"Thanks" he smiled weakly at her.

"I’ll get Cassidy’s coat and have her ready to go. We’ll ride in the ambulance with you."

"OK, her stuff is in by her crib where I took everything off her, I think."

"I’ll find it" Carol smiled. "Don’t worry."

She went through the hallway back to the bedroom and gathered up a few things for Cassidy, stuffing extra diapers and a couple of bottles into her diaper bag. She started putting her coat on her to have her completely ready when the paramedics came.

"If I run out of anything for her, I’ll just go up to the nursery and get it. Or I can come back here and get anything she needs. She’ll be fine."

"What are we gonna do with her at the hospital?"

"Well, I’m sure they’ll let her have a crib upstairs in the nursery. During the day she can stay in the day care center. It’ll be OK. Don’t worry about it. You just worry about you, OK?"

"OK" he nodded and squeezed her hand.

"They’re here!" Carol saw the red flashing lights outside the window. She went over to the door and opened it, watching down the hall for the team to come out of the elevator. They came out, pulled a gurney with them. "Down here!" Carol waved her arm at them. She stayed until they got to the doorway and then led them in. "He’s on the coach" she told them as she grabbed her coat. "The baby and I will be going with you."

"That’s fine, Ma’am" one of them nodded.

"I’ve already called his doctor and he’s waiting for us at the hospital."

"We’ll take good care of your husband, Ma’am" one of the paramedics told her. "Don’t worry."

"Well, thanks" Carol smiled. "But, he’s not my husband. He’s just a friend."

"Oh, I’m sorry!" the paramedic started pumping a blood pressure from Doug’s wrist. "With the baby, I just assumed..."

"It’s OK" she nodded. "The baby belongs to him."_ "BP is 210/115..."

"That’s WAY up!" Carol told them. "I took it less than a half an hour ago and it was only 157/102!"

"Anxiety may be setting in" the paramedic shrugged. "Pulse is 112."

"That’s down a little. It was 115 a while ago."

"OK, let’s transport."

The paramedics carefully helped Doug off the couch and onto the gurney. They put a blanket up over him and strapped him in. Then they lifted the gurney up on its wheels to take him out. Carol followed behind them with Cassidy and locked the door as they all went out. They wheeled Doug down the hall to the elevator and all of them rode down. While they were riding, Cassidy reached her arms down to Doug , whining lightly.

"It’s OK, Cassie" Carol patted the baby. "Your daddy isn’t feeling very well right now, but we’re gonna fix him right up in no time!"

Cassidy turned and looked at her, and then patted her face with her tiny hands. Carol smiled and kissed the baby’s palm affectionately.

"Everything’s gonna be OK, sweetie" she assured the little girl with a smile.

Down on the ground floor, they wheeled Doug out under the watch of several curious onlookers and loaded the gurney into the back of the ambulance. Carol climbed in with him and the driver shut the doors. Nervous, and in pain, Doug reached out for Carol’s hand and she grasped it quickly. She held it in one hand and patted it with the other, while Cassidy sat balanced on her lap, clapping her hands and babbling happily.

The ambulance backed into the bay at the hospital and Mark was waiting when the back doors opened. He helped Carol out with the baby and assisted the paramedics in bringing Doug out.

"Hey" Doug groaned up at Mark. "Am I glad to see you!"

"What happened to you, Bud?" Mark pushed along side the gurney. "You were doing OK."

"Not completely" Doug bit his lip against the pain as he was wheeled into the ER.

"What do you mean ‘not completely’?" Mark questioned him.

"I’ll tell you when we get inside."

"I’m counting on it" Mark nodded.

They wheeled Doug into the ER and to an exam room and Doug climbed over to the table with their help so could begin working on him. Carol helped Mark get Doug undressed and into a hospital gown. Then, she stayed right by his side, handing off the baby to Lydia at the front the desk.

"BP is 200/112" Carol reported. "That’s down a little from the house. I think he’s really just nervous because it wasn’t that high when I took it the first time."

"Yeah, could be" Mark nodded. "Let’s give him some Procardia, though, just to try and bring it down a little."

"OK" Carol stepped away to get the medicine.

"OK" Mark stared down at his patient and his friend. "What did you mean ‘not completely’ out there a minute ago?"

"I’ve had some blood in the drain bag for a couple of days" Doug admitted, gritting his teeth through the pain. "And I’ve been pissing blood."

"How long?"

"Just since yesterday."

"OK, what I’m going to do here is a urine dip and a blood test. When I get the results of that, then we’ll talk again, all right?"

"OK" Doug nodded.

Mark patted Doug’s shoulder comfortingly and went out into the hall to talk to Carol, who was returning with the medicine he had previously ordered.

"Carol, I need you to take a urine dip and a blood test on him and let me know when the results come back, all right?"

"Sure thing, Mark" she nodded.

"Just give him that Procardia and keep an eye on his blood pressure. I’ll be near by when you need me."

"OK."

Carol went back into Doug’s room and he gave her a helpless look as he peered up at her from his bed. She smiled down at him to comfort him and cracked open the capsule of medicine.

"OK, open your mouth and lift up your tongue for me" she told him. He dutifully obeyed her and she squeezed the orange liquid out into his mouth. He made a bitter face and she gave him a sympathetic look. "I know...the stuff tastes terrible but it will help, I think."

"I hope."

"OK, now, I need to take some blood, OK?"

"Sure."

Carol took out a syringe and a pair of gloves and swabbed Doug’s arm to draw the blood. He winced and bit his lip as she inserted the needle, but, otherwise, didn’t protest. Once she had the required amount, she put a label on the vile and put it on the tray.

"I can’t be sick" he told her. "I have to take care of Cass..."

"Don’t you worry about the baby" Carol told him. "We’ll see that she gets taken care of."

"I knew this would happen" he stared at the ceiling. "There’s just not enough hours in the day for everything. Something had to give. I have to work and I have to take care of Cass....the only thing that can give is me! And I can’t give because I have to stay healthy for her! But, I haven’t been eating right. And I haven’t been sleeping well. I knew this would happen sooner or later."

"You need to learn to ask for help" Carol smiled at him. "And I know, that’s not easy to do" she paused. "OK, now, Mark wants a urine sample" she told him. "Would you prefer he came in and did it for you?"

"No, you can do it" he told her.

"Well, I always ask, because some men are not comfortable with a woman doing something like that."

"It’s OK" he assured her. "Women are usually gentler than men with that."

She smiled at him and stepped to the end of the table. Doug rolled his head to the side as she reached under the cover and pulled his shorts off him. She took his penis in one hand and began to ease the catheter in with the other hand. Doug groaned and gripped the bed rails tightly.

"I know it hurts" Carol told him sympathetically. "Just a little bit more."

She pushed the catheter in the rest of the way and Doug cried out just a little bit, rolling his eyes to glance up at the ceiling.

"Oh, man, that is some nasty looking pee!" Carol told him as the catheter began to drain his bladder.

"Is it?" he raised up just a bit. "Let me see."

"As soon as I have all I need" she told him. As soon as she had the bottle full, she took the catheter out and capped the bottle. "OK, you can pull your shorts up now" she told him. Then she carried the bottle back for him to see.

"Oh, man! That IS nasty looking, isn’t it?" he looked at the bottle, filled with a bloody red and orange urine sample.

"OK, I’m going to get this stuff all to the lab! I’ll be right back" she told him with a smile.

"OK" he told her as she started away. "I’ll be here" he chuckled lightly.

Carol hadn’t been gone but a few minutes with a very sharp, stabbing pain began to rip through him. He clutched his right side and sat up on the bed, rocking and groaning in the pain that suddenly wouldn’t leave him alone. He was biting his lip and fighting it when Carol came back.

"Doug!" she rushed to his side quickly. "What is it? What’s wrong?"

"It hurts!" he told her. "It hurts really bad!"

"OK! I’ll go get Mark! Hold on!"

Carol raced out the door and ran down the hall to find Mark, supervising a procedure John Carter was performing, and she ripped open the exam door.

"Mark! I need you!"

"Be right there, Carol!" Mark nodded. "Carry on, Carter" he patted the medical student’s shoulder. "You’re doing fine." Then he followed Carol out the door and started down the hall quickly. "What’s going on?"

"It’s Doug! He’s having a lot of pain!" They burst into Doug’s room to find him on his side, drawing his knees up to his chest trying to stop the pain.

"Hey, Doug! What’s wrong, Bud?"

"I just got this pain and it won’t go away!" he had his hand clutched to his side, very close to his back. Mark took his hands away and placed his own hands there.

"Right here?" he asked. Doug’s answer was to yelp and try to sit up against the pain. "OK. I better do a puncture and see if there’s blood in there" he looked over at Carol. "I may need your help."

"OK" Carol nodded. She helped Mark roll Doug further onto his side while Doug clutched at the bed rail and yelped out in pain.

"I know that hurts" Mark assured him.

"Not as much as it’s going to" Doug groaned, knowing what was coming.

"I know, but it won’t hurt long" Mark patted his back gently.

Doug gripped the bed rails and Carol put a hand over top of his hands, stroking his hair with the other hand in comfort while Mark opened the hospital gown to expose the area for puncture. He swabbed an antiseptic on the skin and draped the area with a blue suture cloth.

"I want to get as close to the kidney as I can, Doug. This is going to hurt a little."

"It’s OK" Doug assured him.

Mark eased the needle into Doug’s skin causing Doug to gasp and grit his teeth tight, while clutching the bed rail. As Mark plunged the needle further in, Doug finally let out a yelp.

"I know that hurts!" Carol told him softly. "As soon as it gets into the peritoneum it won’t hurt so much, though."

"I know" Doug nodded through his pain.

Mark finally got the needle all the way in and the pain subsided enough that Doug could relax a bit.

"We’ve got some blood in there" Mark informed him as he began to extract the fluid.

"Oh, God!" Doug groaned in a bit of a panic.

"I’ll take an x-ray and see where the blood is coming from, OK? Don’t panic yet."

"I’ll try" he nodded.

Mark got all the fluid he needed and pulled the needle back out. Doug stayed on his side with Carol stroking his hair.

"I’ll take him to x-ray" she told Mark quietly.

"OK" he nodded. "Let me know when you have the results."

Mark left the room and Doug reached to hold Carol’s hand, looking up at her. His eyes were filled with pain but he managed to smile at her.

"I’m glad you’re here" he told her. "I’m scared, but, I’m glad you’re here."

"There’s nothing to be scared of" Carol smiled at him. "There’s nothing wrong that we can’t fix."

"I’m not scared of that" he told her weakly. "I’m scared of what I’m feeling for you."

"What are you talking about?" she laughed.

"I wish I knew" he told her honestly. "I just know I’ve felt something for you since the minute I laid eyes on you. And I know you feel the same way" she gave him a quick look. "Don’t you?"

"Yes" she admitted lowly with a soft nod. "I have since you were brought into the ER."

"Then, what’s wrong with us, Carol? Why aren’t we doing something about it?"

"Because we’re both scared" she admitted to him.

"Then, let’s be scared together" he grinned weakly at her. "Let’s just see if what we’re feeling has anything behind it. Can we?"

"I think I’d like that" she nodded. "As soon as you’re well."

"I’ll get well fast" he smiled wide this time. "I’m a quick healer."

"I better get you up to x-ray" she smiled again.

She wheeled him out of the exam room and to the elevator. As they waited for the car, she held his hand and he kept his clutched around her, never taking his eyes off her.

"I know you’re not ready to hear this yet" she told him quietly. "But, I think I’m falling in love with you."

"You’re right" he told her as the elevator opened and she pushed him in. "I’m not ready to hear that yet."

The elevator closed and they headed for x-ray together, neither ever letting go of the hand hold or taking their eyes off each.

To Be Continued....

February 13, 1999