The apartment was empty when Doug Ross opened his eyes again. Morning had come, and Kerry had already left for work. He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. Then, he reached over to push the button on the cycler to get the code CLOSE ALL CLAMPS from it. He carefully snapped shut the five clamps on the machine tubing, and then screwed the clamp on the exchange unit of his catheter shut as well. He pushed the button again to see DISCONNECT YOURSELF on the display and he reached for the bottle of hand sanitizer he kept close to the machine. He poured a small amount on his palm and then rubbed his hands vigorously together. Then, he took a cap and peeled back the aluminum siding for it, checking to be sure the pad inside it was soaked with betadine. Then, he disconnected the machine loose and screwed the fresh cap onto the exchange unit, before tucking it back into the waist band of his shorts. He checked the initial drain volume and the Ultra Filter numbers to be sure he was taking off enough fluid before turning the machine off. He stretched to limber himself up and pulled himself up out of bed. He folded up the covers and the linens and pushed the bed back into the sofa. Then, he gathered up his things for a morning shower and shave.
After his shower, he decided on a bowl of cold cereal for breakfast and took the morning pills with juice. Sometimes, it almost scared him how routine his life had become since the incident. When he looked back on it, he knew he was lucky to be alive with no after effects except dialysis. He had been beaten so badly he was sure he was going to die before he got to the hospital. The end result was 4 broken ribs, a cracked sternum, a concussion, and bruises over 90% of his body. He had been struck several times in the back with a 2x4 and kicked several times as well. Miraculously, both kidneys still actually worked, just not well enough to rid his body of all the toxins the kidneys were responsible for disposing of. His hematacrit was still high so his red blood cell count was well within the normal range. Therefore, he didn’t have to give himself shots of Epogen to trick the bone marrow into producing them. With the exception of a little inconvenience, and the fact that being on his feet for long periods of time was now a thing of the past, he led a pretty normal life.
He was cleaning up his breakfast dishes when there was a knock at the door. He went to it quickly and swung it open to find Sarah on the other side, holding a baby carrier in one hand with a wiggling, fussing, Cassidy lying in it.
"Hi, Mom!" he smiled brightly and leaned out to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Come on in!"
"Special delivery" Sarah laughed as she carried Cassidy into the apartment, setting the carrier on a nearby table.
"And I can’t wait to unwrap it!" he told her enthusiastically.
Doug carefully unwrapped the blankets Sarah had tucked around Cassidy and took down the hood from around her head. Then, he lifted her out of the carrier to cuddle her close on his good shoulder, patting her back gently.
"How’s Daddy’s little girl, huh?" he kissed her sweetly while she cooed happily back at him. "I missed you so much..." he cupped his hand around her small head and held her close, kissing her several times, while she kicked her feet and put her tiny hands on his face. "God, I missed her" he told his mother. "I can’t hardly stand to be away from her! Was she good?"
"You’re asking a grandmother if her only grandchild was good?" Sarah laughed as she took off her coat and folded it over the chair back. "She was an angel! Of course!" Doug laughed as he held Cassidy up over his head by her waist, diving her face down close to his and rubbing his nose on hers. "So, how long is your trip delayed?"
"Well, actually, I was going to talk to you about that" Doug returned Cassidy to his shoulder and the baby began to babble baby talk while patting his face with her hands. "I think I’m going to be staying around for a while."
"How long is ‘a while’?"_ "I don’t know" he shrugged. "The rest of my life maybe?"
"All right, Doug, what’s going on? I thought you had a job waiting for you in California?"
"I do" he nodded. "But, I’ve been offered one here that’s even better."
"Better? Better than being partners with one of the best research scientists in the world?"
"In some ways" he nodded. "Yes."
"All right" Sarah sighed and sat down in a chair. Doug carried Cassidy over to the sofa with him and sat her down, handing her a toy he quickly retrieved from her carrier. "I’m listening" She told him. Cassidy immediately stuck the toy in her mouth and started chewing desperately on it, glaring happily up at Doug.
"Is she teething again?" Doug rubbed his hand across her head and peered quickly to her mouth.
"Yes, I think she is" Sarah nodded.
"This is gonna be the big one, too" he sighed. "The one I have to walk the floor with her all night."
"Don’t change the subject, Douglas!" Sarah scolded lightly. "I want to know what’s going on!"
"I got offered a research position at County General" he told her. "It’s the same thing I was going to join Rick for, only I would be in charge of this operation. It would be up to me to bring in the doctors, make the presentations, that kind of thing."
"Would there be any travel involved?"
"A bit, yes" he nodded. "But, not a lot. And not for long periods of time. A couple of days here and there. And nothing outside the country. Besides, even if I do have to travel overseas, I can take her with me." he rubbed her head again and she grinned up at him before sticking her toy back in her mouth. He reached over into her diaper bag and began to fish his hand inside. "Did you bring a teething ring?" he asked his mother quietly.
"It’s inside the front pocket" she nodded. He reached in and took it out and offered it to his daughter in place of the plastic toy. The baby readily made the swap and began to gnaw happily on the teething ring instead. "What would you be researching?"
"The same things I would out in California with Rick...I’d just be doing it in Chicago. I haven’t talked to Rick yet, but, I’m sure we can work something out."
"What will you do with Cassidy all day? Hire a sitter?"
"Take her with me! I’ll have my own office. I can put a sleep and play in there for her and keep her with me."
"I’m not exactly sure spending all of her time with you is exactly the best thing, either."
"They have a day care. I can split her day in half...half the day with me and half the day in day care where she can interact with other kids."
"Well, now, that doesn’t sound so bad."
"I’m all she’s got in the way of a parent, Mom. And she’s starting to do things now. I don’t want to miss any of it. This job would be ideal for me to give her the time and attention she needs right now."
Do you want to stay in Chicago? I can’t imagine that there would be much to offer to you here except the job!"
"Well, actually, Chicago has more to offer than California!" he chuckled. "Kerry Weaver is here...she’s on staff at County. Nina Pomerantz is also on staff there. And David Morganstern...remember him? He’s the one who offered me the job! So, actually, I know more people here than I do in California."
"I remember David" Sarah smiled. "I remember he was very strict with you, sometimes harsh in my opinion, but I also remember that he always backed you up when you were right."
"I learned a lot from him" Doug agreed. "And I wouldn’t have any problems being under his supervision again."
"Well, at least I don’t imagine you’d have anymore ‘Jesse Dalton’ incidents now" she sighed. "I will NEVER forget all of that!"
"I don’t think anybody who was involved in it will!" he chuckled, as Cassidy reached for him. He took her hands and held her standing on the sofa with him and she stamped her feet gleefully on the cushions, making him smile.
"That was one of your more asinine tricks" Sarah scolded.
"No, it wasn’t! That little boy would have died if I hadn’t done what I did!"
"It was a HUGE risk for an intern!" she told him firmly.
"I’d do it again if I had to!" he assured her.
"I’m sure you would" she nodded and smiled. "Well, of course, I would love having you and Cassidy this close to me! Is this a done deal? You’re going to take this job for sure?"
"Pretty sure" he nodded. "I’m going in and talk to David about it before I made a final decision, but, I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay." he paused, thinking. "If I tell you another reason, will you not yell at me?"
"I don’t usually ‘yell’ at you, Doug" she chuckled.
"There’s a woman..." he started slowly, giving her a sheepish look out from under his tousled bangs.
"You say that like there’s something wrong with it" Sarah scoffed.
"Is there?" he wanted to know.
"No" she shook her head. "Why should there be?"
"Well, Kate hasn’t been gone very long..." he stumbled over his words, "and, well, you know...I kind of thought...."
"You thought it might look like you weren’t grieving long enough if you were attracted to another woman so soon?" Sarah smiled. "Don’t be silly, Doug. You can’t stop living your life just because you lost your wife. You have a child to care for and think about...not to mention your own needs."
"I don’t have too much trouble being a single parent" he grinned at Cassidy, who was trying desperately to give him her teething ring. "Once in a while we run into problems, but on the whole, we do OK...don’t we, Sweetheart!?" he put his head against hers and smiled at the baby, who giggled and patted his face.
"I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you pursuing another relationship, if you feel like you’re ready."
"I don’t know if I am or not" he shook his head. "I just know I feel an attraction to someone and I’d like to find out if there’s a chance for a relationship or not."
"Then, I would tell you to go for it" Sarah smiled. "But, I would caution you not to rush into anything."
"No," he shook his head while the baby chattered at him. "I won’t."
"So, you’re basically telling me I’m going to have my son and my granddaughter just a short drive away from me?"
"Kind of looks that way" he nodded.
"Well, you couldn’t give me better news" Sarah smiled at him. "I hope everything will work out for both of you!"
"Thanks, Mom" he let her hug and kiss him. "Cass and I will have a lot of help if I stay here, and right now, that just really sounds good."
"I’m sure you’ll do well" Sarah told him. "You always do. So, am I keeping Cassiday today while you go talk to David?"
"No, I thought I’d just take her with me! Kerry hasn’t seen her in a while and neither has Nina! Besides, I want to talk to Nina about something anyway..."
"Are you still having problems that you need to see a psychiatrist for?" Sarah was concerned.
"Not problems, so to speak, but, sometimes, I could use someone to talk to. And Nina is good. She and I got along really well when we were both in New York."
"What about dear old Aaron Gooddin?" Sarah scoffed. "The New York DA? Have you heard from him lately?"
"No" he groaned. "But, I have a feeling I will soon. The car was impounded and is being held until he can get here to inspect it."
"Here we go again!" Sarah rolled her eyes. "Will you need me to take her back with me?"
"No, Kerry said she could stay here until I decide what I’m going to do and if I stay, find a place. So, I’d like to just keep her with me."
"You’re her Daddy!" Sarah hugged him again. "You call me if you need me, all right?"
"I will." he stood to walk her out, carrying Cassidy in his arms. "Thanks, Mom, for everything. I’ll let you know what I decide to do."
"Please do" she nodded. "Good-bye you little sweetheart!" she patted Cassidy’s hands and then kissed her cheek. "Nana will see you soon!"
"Say bye-bye!" Doug waved his daughter’s hand. "Can you say bye-bye?" Cassidy babbled something in baby talk and he laughed, hugging her tight against him.
"Don’t worry, Doug! She’ll be talking soon enough and then you’ll wish you could shut her up!"
"The voice of experience, Mom?"
"Slightly!" Sarah rolled her eyes.
"Drive careful, Mom. I’ll call you!" he waved to her until she was in the elevator and out of sight. Then, he jostled his daughter in his arms as he closed the door. "You wanna go see Aunt Kerry and Aunt Nina? Huh? You want to go bye-bye with Daddy?"
Cassidy smiled at him and reached to play with his nose. He took her hand away and kissed her palm sweetly as he carried her through the apartment to get things gathered up enough for them to take a short trip to the hospital...
Carol Hathaway stepped off the elevator on the surgical floor to check on a patient that had been taken up several hours before. The surgery was taking longer than planned and the family was concerned. Carol was trying to get some information to give them whatever comfort she could. Clearly it wasn’t her job, but that’s the kind of nurse she was.
"Carol!" she heard a voice call out to her before she could get the nurse’s station and she heard someone running down the hall behind her. "Hey! Carol!" the voice carried well and went all the way through her. "Wait up, Darling!"
"What do you want, David?" she turned to him with an annoyed tone. "And don’t call me ‘darling’!" she reprimanded him as he approached.
"Aw, Carol, you aren’t still mad at me, are you?" he leaned in to sneak a kiss, but, she pulled back away from him.
"What do you WANT, David?" she repeated. "I need to get some information and then I need to get back downstairs!"
"If you’re up here about the Kenderman case, she just went into recovery!" he reported to her.
"Well, what took so long? You told them 45 minutes downstairs. It’s been almost 2 hours."
"We ran into some minor complications....had to re-route. Nothing to be concerned about. That happens a lot of times with older patients. She’s fine and will experience a full recovery."
"Thank you. I’ll relay that information!" she nodded and started past him back to the elevator but he grabbed her by the arm before she could get two steps. "Let go of me, David...." she told him sternly.
"I wanted to ask you something!" he defended his moves.
"Well, then, ASK me, but you don’t have to touch me to ask me something." He got the message and released her arm slowly. She folded her arms across her chest to hear what he had to say.
"My grandmother’s birthday is this weekend, and, as you know, she was always very fond of you..."
"Yes, I was always very fond of Lila, too. She’s a wonderful lady...too bad her grandson didn’t inherit some of her good qualities!" Carol nodded and then scoffed.
"Nevertheless, we’re having a party for her at Mother’s and I wonder if you would give me the honor of being my date?"
"Your date?!" Carol hooted lowly. "Don’t tell me you’re hard up for women all of a sudden?"
"No, but, I wanted you to go with me. Grandmother would really enjoy seeing you!"_ "I’ll pick up a present" Carol nodded. "And I’ll come and give my respects to Lila, but no way will I be your ‘date’! You want to take a date, you can pick up any whore on the corner who will probably be more than glad to go with you!"
"I don’t want just any whore on the corner!" he laughed. "I want to go with you!" His wording was all wrong, and it went all through Carol like a boiling bubble. She unleashed a slap across his face that rang out so loudly down the hall that the nurses at the station leaned over the desk to see what was going on.
"One of these days, David, I’ll figure out what it was that I ever saw in you!" she spit out angrily at him and he cupped his hand to his stinging cheek. "Now, get out of my way...I have to get back to work!"
She pushed past him and got into the waiting elevator car and walked in without ever looking back at him. She pushed the down button and got off on the next floor below them. She walked out and to the left to go into the ladies room. She hated it when she let him get to her like that and she hated giving him a rise of any kind out of her. The ladies room was empty and she slammed the stall door as hard as she could, trying hard to fend off the tears welling in her eyes. How on earth could she ever have been attracted to a man like that? And why couldn’t she put him behind her? She dried her eyes with toilet tissue and checked her make up in the mirror. Satisfied she looked presentable enough to return to the ER, she left the ladies room and headed back to the elevator.
Doug carried Cassidy in his arms, balancing her against his good shoulder, while he checked the train schedule at the platform. Seeing the train they needed to take to get to County, he paid for the token and climbed the steps, his daughter chattering happily and watching where they were going.
"Better get used to this, Cassie" he told her with a smile. "You and Daddy will be riding a train a lot if things work out!"
She looked at him, as if she were trying to understand what he was saying to her, and he smiled at her. The train pulled to a stop and the door opened. Doug carried his daughter on with him and sat down, placing her on his lap. He took her diaper bag off his shoulder and sat it beside him. As the train pulled away, Cassidy began to whine a little, wanting to get down on the floor, but, Doug kept an arm around her to hold her on his lap.
"No, no, Cassie...you have to stay with Daddy!"
Again, the baby fussed...squirming and reaching her hands to the floor. Doug reached over and fished in her diaper bag for a pacifier. He clipped the holder to the collar of her jacket and offered her the nipple, but she refused, knocking her hand against his in disagreement. The pacifier dangled from it’s ribbon down the front of her coat and she began to cry.
"It’s OK, Cass, " he told her in a soothing voice. "Don’t cry. Daddy will get it for you!" he reached to take the pacifier in his hand. This time, when he offered her the nipple she took it and began to suck on it as hard as she could. "That’s a good girl" he patted her back gently and she laid her head against his chest.
Carol got back to the ER and gave the Kenderman family the news they were waiting for, and then she went back to her station at the desk. But, her conversation with David was ringing over and over in her head and she couldn’t get it out of her mind.
"Carol?" Mark Greene walked over to her, carrying a file in his hands.
"What?!" Carol snapped quickly, but then recovered herself when she saw who she was talking to. "Oh! Sorry, Mark. I thought you were someone else."
"Something wrong?" Mark was concerned. It wasn’t like Carol to be cross with anyone much.
"Nothing I want to talk about" she admitted. "What did you need, Mark?"
"I just had a question about this scribble here on the Rowlinander file... he leaned the file so she could see. "Can you make out who’s handwriting that is?"
"That’s David’s" she nodded. "David West...I’d ask him. Sometimes his scribbles are hard to figure out."
"OK, thanks!" he nodded and started away. "Oh! I meant to tell you!" he handed her a sheet of paper. "Here’s a list of supplies we need in the store room....can you take care of this?"
"Sure" she nodded, looking over the list. "I’ll do that right now..."
She took the list and went off down the hall to start pulling the things they needed. Along the way she picked up a supply cart to load everything into so she could carry it back to the store room in the ER.
Doug walked into the ER through the main entrance behind the ambulance bay. Cassidy was calmer now, chattering at him and batting her hands against him as he carried her along. Once inside, he took the hood of her jacket down and unzipped the front of it so she wouldn’t get over heated inside the building. He would take it completely off her once they were someplace where he could sit her down. The first person he encounter going down the hallway was Mark Greene, who stopped and smiled at the sight of the baby in his arms.
"And just who might this little doll baby be?" Mark smiled as Doug stopped with her.
"This would be my daughter, Cassidy" Doug smiled. "Can you say ‘hi’ to Dr. Greene?" he smiled at the baby.
"Agga gagga gaa!" Cassidy chattered.
"That’s close enough!" Mark laughed, taking his finger and letting her work her tiny hand around it. "Hello, Cassidy!" he smiled at her. "It’s very nice to meet you!" he looked up at Doug out of the corner of his eye. "How are you feeling today?"
"I’ve had two showers, a nap, a good night’s sleep and something good to eat!" Doug nodded. "I’m feeling much better...especially after getting this little bundle!" he kissed his daughter’s cheek lightly. "I didn’t know how much I missed her until I got her back."
"Oh, man, I can remember when Rachel was that age. They are so cute when they’re little like that!"
"She’s my bud!" Doug grinned. "I couldn’t do without her!" he kissed her hand and she patted his face. "I’m here to talk to David Morganstern" he told Mark. "You know where I can find him?"
"Oh, yeah! His office is upstairs, second floor, third one on the left!" Mark offered quickly. "Is this about the proposal?"
"Yes, it is" Doug nodded quickly.
"Are you going to take it?"
"There’s some things I want to talk to David about before I say ‘yay’ or ‘nay’, but, yeah! I think I am!"
"It’ll be great to have you on board!" Mark smiled at him.
"Thanks! I’m looking forward to it myself!"
"Oh, my God!" Doug heard Kerry exclaim as she came down the hall. "Is that Cassidy?"
"The one and only!" Doug laughed as Kerry got up to them and reached for the baby.
"You don’t remember me, do you?" she spoke softy to the child. "Will you come to Aunt Kerry?" Cassidy shyly put her hand up to her face and turned her head close to Doug.
"Oh, now, don’t be shy!" Doug laughed. "Aunt Kerry is letting us stay with her! You’re gonna get real used to her!" he lifted his daughter over to Kerry’s waiting arms. "Would you care to watch her for a few minutes while I go upstairs and talk to David?"
"I wouldn’t mind at all!" Kerry smiled, hoisting the baby up in her arms. "Hello, Cassidy! My goodness, you’re getting big!"
"Here’s her bag if she needs changing" Doug handed the bag to Mark. "She’s got s bottle of juice in there, too, if she gets cranky."
"Oh, she’ll be fine!" Kerry laughed. "She’ll be too busy to get cranky!"
"Ummm" Doug snickered. "I wouldn’t bet on that!" he kissed his daughter’s cheek and waved his fingers at her. "Bye bye...Daddy has to go to a meeting...you be good, OK?"
He went on down the hall, looking back over his shoulder at her eyes following him every step of the way. When he got to the corner, he waved one last time and silently mouth the words ‘bye bye’ to her before he disappeared.
David Morganstern was sitting behind his desk, shuffling through files and papers all over the top of his desk. His face showed how flustered he was, so, he was almost relieved when he heard a knock at his door.
"Come in!" he called out quickly, turning his attention to the door to see who needed him. He smiled to see Doug come through the door. "Doug! Good morning. It’s good to see you. I wasn’t sure if you’d be coming or not."
"I wanted us to talk about this" he held up the copy of the proposal.
"Good!" Morganstern smiled. "Come in and sit down." he motioned Doug to a chair. "You’ve had a chance to read it already?"
"I read over it yesterday afternoon after I was released from the hospital" Doug nodded. "Pretty impressive offer!"
"Impressive enough to make you say ‘yes’?" Morganstern coaxed.
"Well, almost!" Doug admitted with a chuckle. "There are just a few things I wanted to talk to you about."
"OK...let’s have it!"
"Well, first off, this says I would be in control of the projects I research. Does that mean I get to pick the project? Or does the hospital appoint the project to me?"
"You would pick your own projects. Then, we would present it to the board for approval and if it’s approved, you would be given the funding necessary to begin."
"OK" he nodded. "That sounds about like the way I’m used to. This also says I would have an office of my own?"
"That’s correct" Morganstern nodded. "It’s an office on the third floor, directly across from the labs, which would give you full access to them. It’s a nice big office and has a very nice view, I might add!"
"It also says I’m in charge of rounding up the doctors to help me with each individual project? That means, whoever I want, right?"
"Right...but, there again...you would present what you want to the board and they would have to approve it."
"Now, who would be my boss?"
"I would. I’m the board member in charge of this project. So, you would run everything by me and it would be up to me to approve or deny the idea, and then present it to the board if it sounds like a good one. Does that make sense?"
"Of course it does" Doug nodded. "It would be your decision to review my proposal and determine if it is worthy of a board review or not."
"Right! Good! You do know how all this works! I wasn’t sure if you did or not."
"Well, I may not have been doing this very long, but I do know the ropes pretty well!" Doug smiled.
"All I ask is that you not do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, without running it by me first! Please!" they both chuckled.
"Don’t worry, David, I’m not as wild as I used to be!" he smiled. "OK, now, I have a 9 month old baby..."
"She’s 9 months, already?" Morganstern laughed. "They grow so fast!"
"Yes, and my plan is to keep her in my office with me as much as possible while I’m working. Is that a problem?"
"It’s not a problem for me...if she doesn’t bother you or interfere with your work, I don’t see how it could a problem for anybody. It’s your office! You can decorate it however you want!"
"Good" Doug nodded. "That’s good. So, I guess I only have one question left..."
David gestured for him to spill this information. "When do I start?" Doug smiled.
"Well, seeing that you are recovering from a serious accident, I would say as soon as Mark releases you to work!" Morganstern chuckled, reaching his hand for Doug to shake. "It’ll be great to have you on board, Doug."
"It’ll be great to be here" Doug shook hands with his new boss.
"I hope I can count on no ‘Jesse Dalton’ cases here this time?" David teased him lightly.
"Never say never" Doug ticked his head. "In an emergency situation I don’t make any guarantees!" he smiled.
"I don’t think I’ll ever forget about that" Morganstern shook his head. "In all my years, I never saw anything like that happen with an Intern."
"Well, everything turned out all right" Doug shrugged. "That was really all I cared about!"
"It was a big risk."
"One I’d take again if I had to" Doug assured him with a nod.
"I’m sure you would" Morganstern nodded with a chuckle. "I’m QUITE sure you would! I knew then you were a doctor with a lot of guts. We don’t see enough of that in the medical profession much anymore." Morganstern ticked his head to quickly change the subject. "Was there anything else you wanted to ask about?"
"I just do what I have to do. My patients are my top priority!" Doug admitted quietly. "As for questions, no, I think that about covers everything." he got up from his chair. "Cass is downstairs with Kerry if you want to come down with me and see her."_ "You know I do!" David smiled, getting up from his chair to follow him.
"Just go down to the ER. Kerry has her down there. I’ll be down in a minute...I want to slip up and see Nina Pomerantz before I come down."
"OK, Nina is on the sixth floor, just ask one of the nurse’s and they can direct you to her."
"Thanks, David...for everything."
"I hope you’ll be very happy here, Doug." he smiled as he walked out into the hallway with him.
David pushed open an exit door and headed down the steps while Doug pushed the button for the elevator and waited. The door opened and he stepped in, pushing the button for #6. When the door opened again, he went down the hallway, looking left and right, hoping to find something to guide him.
"Are you looking for someone?" he heard a familiar voice call out from behind him.
"Yes" he smiled and turned around. "I am! Hello, Nina!"
"Doug!" she went to him and put her arms around his neck, giving him a gentle hug. "What in the world are you doing here?"
Nina Pomerantz was cute and petite with dark hair and eyes. She was 32 years old and had been at County just barely three months. With a masters degree in psychiatry and a bachelor’s degree in psychology, she was as close to a mind reader as Doug had ever known. She was a sensitive person with a great understanding of her patients and their deep rooted emotional problems and she had a way of bringing them out with ease. Doug had never thought much about psychiatrists and what they truly do for their patients until he needed one. After Nina had left, he did try several different ones for this emotional needs, but nobody made him as comfortable as she did.
"You look terrible!" she told him as she stepped back to give him a once over.
"I had a little accident" he admitted.
"An accident? Oh, my God! Was Cassidy with you?"_ "No, I’d left her with my Mom already by then."
"Well, thank God for small miracles. What are you doing in Chicago to begin with?" she hugged him again.
"I was on my way out west to take a job with Rick and his staff."
"Hey! That sounds good! You and Rick were always such a great team!"
"Yeah, well, when I got sidetracked here, David Morganstern offered me a job."
"A job?!" She brightened. "Here? At County?"
"Yeah, and I decided to take it!" he smiled weakly. "I start as soon as Dr. Greene releases me to work!"
"That’s terrific! It’ll be great to have you and Cass so close again."
"Cass was another reason I took this job. You’re here, and Kerry...my Mom is nearby...I’ll have a lot of help with her and I can really use it right now."
"Sounds like you’re still having problems."
"Sometimes" he admitted with a nod. "I was hoping you’ll have time in your busy schedule to work in some sessions for me?" he asked her sheepishly. "I really need someone to talk to."
"Absolutely! Come on down to my office and let me check my books, OK?"
He followed her down the hall and into an office while she went over to her desk and quickly flipped through her appointment book. "How often do you want to come?"
"Once a week should be fine."
"I can see you on Tuesdays about 3? Is that OK?"
"That’s fine" he nodded. "I’ll be here."
"Anything you need to talk about right now?"
"No, I’m OK for now! It’ll just be glad to be back together with you again. Thanks, Nina! I really appreciate it."
"Not a problem, Doug. I’m always glad to help a friend!"
"OK, so, Cass is downstairs if you want to come down and see her!" he smiled.
"You bet I do!" Nina walked out with him. "I bet she’s growing like a weed!"
"Yeah" he nodded. "A stink weed!" the both laughed at that remark.
He walked out with her and they waited for the elevator together. She could resist hugging him again. She was just so happy to see an old friend.
Carol came back into the ER to find Lydia playing with a baby sitting on the counter. The little girl was happily banging a phone receiver on the desk and laughing. She was dressed adorably in a pink ‘Minnie Mouse’ romper, pink socks, and pink, yellow, and blue soft canvas shoes on her feet. Her coat was laying on a nearby chair.
"Where’d the baby come from?" Carol smiled as she approached. "Is she a patient’s child?"
"Yeah, I think so" Lydia nodded. "Kerry was taking care of her when she and Mark had to take a trauma case. So, I’m watching her until she gets back!"_ "Oh, she’s SO cute!" Carol lifted the baby up in her arms. "Do you know her name?"
"I think Kerry said her name is Cassidy."
"Well, hello, Cassidy!" Carol smiled, bouncing the little girl in her arms. "You are certainly a happy little thing, aren’t you!?" the baby laughed and reached her hand for Carol’s long curls. "Oh, no!" Carol laughed and took her hand quickly away. "Not the hair!"
"She loves long hair!" a voice with a chuckle directed Carol’s attention to the desk to see Doug Ross standing there with Nina Pomerantz beside him.
"Is she yours?" Carol was surprised. There had been no mention of a child when he was a patient.
"Yeah, I’m the one that claims her!" he smiled.
"Oh, my goodness!" Nina went quickly around the desk to take the baby from Carol, "Look at her!"
"She’s something else, huh?" Doug smiled proudly.
"My, gosh, she looks like Caitlyn!" Nina remarked.
"She does, doesn’t she?" Doug nodded.
"She has your eyes, though."
"Yeah, those big brown ones. That should do for plenty of trouble for me later" he chuckled.
"I didn’t know you had a child" Carol told him quietly.
"Well, I didn’t have her with me when I came in. It wasn’t important because she was taken care of and safe" he grinned at her. "Why, does that make you want to run for the hills when you find out a guy has a kid?"
"I wouldn’t know" Carol shook her head truthfully. "I never met a guy who had a kid before."
"Well, Cassidy, I would have to say your daddy is taking REAL good care of you!" Nina smiled at the little girl.
"I’d better!" Doug laughed. "I’m a Pediatrician, for God’s sake!"
"She certainly seems like a happy little baby" Carol remarked.
"She is" Doug nodded. "And why shouldn’t she be with all the attention she gets!"
"So, are you hear for a check up?" Carol asked him quickly, but she kept smiling at Cassidy playing in Nina’s arms.
"No, actually, I was here about a job!" Doug smiled. "As soon as Dr. Greene releases, me, I start to work here!"
"Really?" Carol seemed delighted with this information. "What will you be doing?"
"I’ll be doing research."
"So, then, I guess I’ll see you around sometimes, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
Doug wondered if his face registered how mesmerized he was while talking to her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He wondered if her hair was as soft as it looked and what it would be like to kiss her and he usually didn’t look at a woman like that. When he had seen her holding Cassidy and smiling with her it had sunk all the way into his soul and melted his heart. Not because she looked like Kate, but because she looked so happy holding a baby. ‘Your fate lies with Carol Hathaway’ he heard Kate telling him from his dream. He shook his head to rid the dazed effect he felt slowly coming over him.
"Something wrong?" Carol smiled at him.
"No" he shook his head. "I was just thinking about something I needed to talk to Dr. Greene about..."
"Well, Dr. Greene just found out you’re joining our staff" Mark walked up behind Doug. "And he prefers that you call him ‘Mark’, OK?" he smiled at Doug.
"I’d like that" Doug nodded and shook hands with his new co-worker. "Mark"
"Good to have you on board" Mark told him.
"Well, let’s hope you still feel that way when I’ve been here a while!" Doug chuckled.
"I just have one question for you. David mentioned a particular case when you were in Intern in Texas..."
"The ‘Jesse Dalton’ case" Doug laughed.
"Yeah!" Mark nodded. "What exactly was that all about?"
"Oh, it was nothing, really." he shrugged.
"Nothing?" Kerry Weaver came up beside Mark to join the conversation. "You’re talking about the ‘Jesse Dalton’ case?"
"Yeah! Did you know anything about that?"
"I heard about it" Kerry nodded. "It was the topic of conversation more than once when Doug was at Sinai"
"What exactly happened?" Mark wanted to know.
"Doug did an invasive procedure on a four year old without parental consent or a supervisor" Kerry told him.
"As an Intern?" Mark seemed shocked.
"The kid was brought in from an interstate pile up" Doug began explaining. "His mother was in another ambulance and wasn’t at the hospital yet. The father hadn’t even been called yet. There was no way to get parental consent. And you don’t really have to have it in an emergency situation anyway."
"No, but an Intern is not allowed to perform invasive procedures without the supervision of a superior."
"Well, there wasn’t one around anywhere..."
"Then you should have gone to find one!" Mark told him sternly.
"Yeah, you sound like a supervisor!" Doug chuckled. "There wasn’t time! I had a four year kid already turning blue. In the time it would take me to get a supervisor to come and watch over my shoulder for a procedure I could do with my eyes closed, the kid could have suffocated. I did what I had to do to save him."
"Even though an act like that could have cost you your Residency?"
"If it did, it did. The kid was more important."
"So, what was your punishment for that little fiasco?"
"Before or after the criminal charges?" Doug smiled.
"You were brought up on criminal charges?" Mark was shocked.
"They were dropped later" Doug shrugged. "When they were brought up, I was suspended pending investigation. When the internal investigation determined I was right, that the child would have died in a matter of minutes, I was completely exonerated and nobody ever questioned my judgment again."
"No, but they started keeping you on a leash, so I heard!" Kerry laughed.
"I didn’t mind that they didn’t trust what I might do without hospital regulations, as long as they didn’t doubt my ability as a doctor." Doug assured her. "Now, if I can get my child back away from those women over there, " he chuckled, "I need to pick up a newspaper and start looking of for a place to live! I also need to get a few things for Cass...like a crib for starters!"
"Don’t buy one!" Carol spoke up quickly. "I can get you one from storage. The nursery just got new ones but the old ones are in real good shape."
"That’ll be fine" Doug nodded, "Thank you" he added to her with a smile.
"I’ll take care of it" Carol smiled at him. "And when you have your own place we’ll get it to you."
"I appreciate that, Carol" he kept his eyes focused on her.
Mark, Kerry, and Nina exchanged smiles to see Doug and Carol locked in their own little world for just a few minutes. But, they didn’t say anything.
"When you find something in your price range, Doug, I’ll be glad to tell you if it’s a good neighborhood or not!" Kerry told him.
"And I’ll be happy to drive you to look at it" Mark added.
"Thanks" Doug nodded. "I appreciate all the help."
"And, then, when you’re ready to move, I’ll help you with the train schedules" Carol smiled.
"Thank you" Doug nodded to her. "Again."
Doug put Cassidy’s jacket back on her and carried her out of the hospital with a good feeling about his decision.
Carol waited for the train that would take her back home after her shift was over, but her mind kept wandering back to Doug Ross. Something in his eyes just wouldn’t leave her alone. And now she knew he had a child. That made her smile. A man so devoted to his child, trying to be two parents to a little girl...such a happy little baby...she obviously was the center of his world. She caught herself wondering what it would be like to be in his arms...feel the touch of those hands that were gentle enough to treat children...and soft enough to care for a baby. And his lips...they looked so ordinary, but Carol imagined they were full of fire. Penned up fire...just waiting to be released on the right woman. If he were a character in one of the romance novels she so loved to read, he would be termed as ‘dangerously exciting’ to her. And Carol hoped she would get a chance to find out.
And the baby...a man with a baby...was this sent to torment her? It made her heart ache thinking about what could have been for her...what would have been...if David hadn’t interfered. David. She wouldn’t worry about him now. She turned her thoughts to the gift she would buy Lila...and the look she would get on David’s face when she walked into the party without him. She smiled just thinking about it. Yes, that would be worth it, she thought.
The apartment was dark when Kerry opened the door with her key. She turned on a soft light by the door as she went in and laid the mail on a table. She walked over to the sofa and smiled at the sight there. Doug was asleep on the bed with pillows stacked well along both sides and Cassidy snuggled close on his chest. The dialysis machine was in the DWELL 2 of 4 stage and he had a cover drawn over both of them and the baby snug in a sleeper. Kerry noticed a newspaper with circles around several furnished apartments, so, she took the newspaper to the kitchen with her to look over them.
"Why did you settled on a furnished apartment?" Kerry asked Doug the next morning over breakfast. "Didn’t you leave your stuff in storage in New York?"_ "No, I sold most of it" Doug shook his head as he toyed the spoon in his cereal bowl.
"If there’s something else you’d rather have for breakfast, you’re welcome to fix it" Kerry smiled.
"No, it’s OK. It’s more than I want. I usually just eat breakfast to take the pills I have to take anyway" he sighed. "Anyway, I sold most of my stuff. I don’t ever have any intentions of going back to New York to live" he looked over at her and smiled sadly. "Too many memories in all that stuff."
"I guess I can understand that" Kerry nodded. "Well, of the ones you picked out, I think these are the ones worth looking at" she reached him back the newspaper. They’re in good neighborhoods...close to the train lines....and not far from the hospital, either."
"OK" he looked over her circles in red. "I’ll do that today."
"Mark Greene is off today. You should give him a call and let him drive you."
"Wouldn’t it be better if I just took the train and learned how to get around by myself?"
"That depends on how much time you want to spend getting lost!" Kerry laughed. "I don’t want you to feel like you have to move out right away. You and Cassidy are welcome to stay here until you get things more in a groove at the hospital."
"Thanks" he nodded. "And don’t think I don’t appreciate it, because I do. But, I really need to be on my own with Cass so things can get back to normal for her as soon as possible."_ "OK" Kerry nodded. "I can understand that, too. So, have you talked to Rick about all this yet?"
"Not yet" Doug shook his head. "That’s another thing I need to do as soon as possible. I hope he takes it well..."
"Oh, I’m sure he will. Rick is a pretty rational guy!" Kerry laughed. She pushed herself away from the table and carried her bowl to the sink. "I’ve got to get to work. I’ll see you later?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I’ll let you know how things go today, Kerry. Thanks."
"Mark Greene’s number is my book by the phone in case you change your mind, OK?"
"Yeah, OK" he nodded. "Thanks."
Kerry left him there alone and he went back to eating his breakfast. Three bites into the cereal and he heard Cassidy whining from the bed where he had left her sleeping when he got up. He looked over his shoulder to see his daughter standing up in the bed, clinging to the back of the sofa. She smiled a scattered tooth grin at him when she saw him looking at her and reached her arms toward him. He smiled to himself as he got up from the table. Walking across the floor, he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheek gently.
"I’m gonna get you a T-shirt that says ‘I’m The Boss’ on it!" he told her as he put her down to change her. She patted his face and giggled gleefully. Once his daughter was changed and dressed, he went over to the phone and opened Kerry’s book beside it, quickly dialing a number.
"This is the Greene residence" a young voice told him over the receiver. "This is Rachel, speaking."
"Well, hello, Rachel!" Doug told her pleasantly. "This is Doug Ross. Could I speak to your Daddy, please?"_ "Yes, hold on, please" she told him and she laid the receiver down.
"Hi, Doug" Mark’s voice came onto the line a minute later, chucking lightly.
"Hi, Mark, listen, I know this is short notice..."
"I can pick you up in about a half hour" Mark chuckled as he cut him off.
"OK, thanks" Doug chuckled as well. "You don’t happen to have a car seat do you?"
"As a matter of fact, I do! I still have Rachel’s old one out in the garage. I’ll bring it with me."
"Thanks, Mark. I really appreciate your help."
"Well, maybe you can pay me back sometime."
"I’ll sure try!"
Doug had a good feeling about Mark Greene, but at the same time he felt a reason to be cautious around him. Although Mark seemed like a likable guy, he also seemed to be kind of stiff and unbending...a guy who was always right no matter what the situation was. Doug knew that if he were working in an ER rotation with him, they would butt heads often. But, today, they weren’t going to be involved with anything at the hospital and he hoped it would be a day to start laying down bonds he would need in the future.
In the days that came to pass, Doug found an apartment and got Cassidy moved in with him. The crib was delivered from the hospital and he set about getting the few personal things he would need for himself. The apartment was not as big as the one he’d had in New York, but he didn’t need that much space right now. It was a nice two room flat with a grand view. He would keep Cassidy in his bedroom with him since he needed to be close for her. It had a nice bath with a shower and a nice all electric kitchen. He was surprised by a house-warming party from the hospital in which his friends brought him gifts of things he would need that he didn’t have.
Feeling good about his decision, he now settled into his work. He had already called Rick Schlister to tell him he had decided to remain in Chicago. Rick was neither annoyed nor surprised at his decision and assured him that when he needed him to come, he would be in Chicago immediately. Doug bought a sleep-n-play for his office and took a small assortment of Cassidy’s toys and story books there as well so his daughter would not get bored to the point that she would become a bother to him. And he decorated his office with photos of her...alone and with Caitlyn. And one photo of him with Caitlyn as well.
Doug was working at the computer at his desk when he heard the sounds of an argument out in the hallway. He was working on patient files for patients Oncology was going to refer to him for that week. Part of his job was going to be setting up Pain Management Care for terminally ill patients that were going into a Hospice program. He also had a note for a meeting with the Hospice director, Nora Frances, later in the day. Normally, when he heard commotion in a hallway, he would mind his own business, but he was sure he heard Carol Hathaway’s voice. And it sounded like she was having some kind of trouble. He whipped his reading glasses off his face and laid them on the desk. Then, he picked up Cassidy and put her in the sleep-n-play so she would be safe while he left he alone long enough to step out into the hall and see what was going on. Down the hallway, he could see Carol in a struggle with a man he didn’t know. He had her pinned up against the wall and she was fighting him, but not strong enough to overcome him.
"Come on, Carol! You used to give it to me freely! Why do I have to fight you for it now?" he heard the man tell her.
"Leave me alone, David!" Carol struggled, but couldn’t free the hold he had on her arms.
"Hey!" Doug grabbed David by the shoulder to spin him around. "When a lady says ‘no’ I believe that’s a sign to leave her alone!" he told Carol’s intruder roughly.
"No ladies around here!" David laughed heartily. "Just this little whore" he motioned to Carol, who was now staring at Doug with a blank and ashen white embarrassed look.
"You know, if you were worth breaking my hand over, I’d slug you right now" Doug told him sternly, still holding on to his lab coat by the lapel.
"Oh, yeah, that’s right! You’re the new guy, aren’t you? You don’t know about Carol! Well, she’s the hospital slut, you see! She’s slept with every doctor on the staff..."
"That’s none of my business!" Doug snapped at him. "And it’s none of yours, either, since she told you ‘no’! Now, leave her alone!"
"Yeah, I’ll go" David nodded at him. "But, don’t say I didn’t warn you!"
He sauntered off on down the hall to the elevator and Doug watched until he was completely gone. Then, he turned to Carol, who was still trying to recover herself against the wall.
"Are you OK?"
"I’m fine" she nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah" she nodded again.
"OK" he smiled, finally. "Then, I’ll get back to work." He started away, leaving her there to herself.
"Thank you" she called out to him before he could get to the door, and he turned back to her with a smile.
"You’re welcome" he told her.
Carol watched him disappear back into his office and she felt herself smile. What a gallant and noble thing to do, she thought. But, what must he think of her now? Did he believe what David told him? Which surely wasn’t true? She made a mental note that maybe they could talk later, but for now, she wanted to let him know how appreciative she was. She went down the hall and knocked lightly on his office door.
"Come in" his voice called out.
She opened the door to find him sitting at his desk, typing away on the computer keyboard in front of him. She smiled to herself, thinking how very handsome he looked in his silver rimmed reading glasses and the hints of gray at his temples. He smiled at her as she closed the door back behind her.
"Something else you needed?" he asked her quietly.
"I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to do what you did" she told him. "But I really do appreciate it. And I owe you one."
"OK" he nodded with a light smile. "Sometime later when I need a favor, I’ll let you know."
"I hope you do" she nodded.
"Unnngaaaa!!!!" Cassidy babbled from her play pen. She was standing up and clinging to the side with one hand, while reaching the other hand as hard as she could to Carol.
"Well, hello, Miss Cassidy!" Carol smiled and walked over to the baby, lifting her out gently. "Are you being good so your daddy can work?"
"She’s always pretty good" Doug chuckled. "She’s pretty used to being with dad" he smiled as Cassidy playfully patted Carol’s face with her tiny hands. "I think she likes you."
"Is that a mark on the wall?" Carol wanted to know.
"She’s pretty picky" Doug nodded. "She must see something in you that your friend from earlier doesn’t see."
"David West is no friend of mine" Carol scoffed.
"So, how long ago did you dump him?" Doug chuckled as he went back to his computer screen.
"What makes you think we were ever a couple?"
"Because he’s vindictive, and guys are only vindictive when there used to be a relationship but there isn’t one now."
"Well, the truth is, I didn’t dump him" Carol lifted Cassidy back to her play pen. "He dumped me. And it was a few months ago."
"And now he’s sorry?"
"He’s not sorry" she shook her head. "He’s just mad at me because I won’t be his date to his grandmother’s birthday party this weekend and he hasn’t gotten up the guts to tell her we’re not dating anymore."
"Ah ha...and don’t tell me...let me guess...you were grandmother’s favorite of all his many girlfriends?" he looked up and smiled at her.
"She’s a wonderful lady and I adore her. I’m going to her party because she called me and asked me to come but I’m not going with David."
"You have that option" he nodded. "As they say on the streets, ‘you go, girl’!" he chuckled.
"What would really knock his hat in the creek would be if I showed up with you" Carol grinned.
"Oh, you really ARE wicked, aren’t you?" Doug shook his head with a smile. "And as much as I’d love to help you out with this, I’m not available this weekend."
"Oh?" Carol seemed a bit surprised. He hadn’t been in Chicago more than 2 weeks and she hadn’t seen him with any woman except Cassidy in that time. "Big plans?"
"Well, I don’t have a date, if that’s what you’re worried about" he smiled. Carol tried not to let her face show either surprise or relief. But inwardly she was thinking ‘how did he know?’. "This is my weekend to spend with my father" he told her quietly.
"Oh, well, that sounds very nice!" she smiled. "Where does you father live?"
"In Kentucky" he offered her shortly.
"Oh, well, that’s not far away. Will you be driving?"
"No, Cass and I will be flying" he didn’t seem to want to talk much about it but he was not short with her.
"And you’ll be gone the whole weekend?" she wanted to know casually.
"Yes, I’ll leave early Saturday morning and get back late Sunday night" he told her.
"Well, I hope you have a nice visit with him" her voice was light.
"I hope I do, too" he nodded in agreement.
"Well, I just wanted to say thanks" she nodded.
"You did that already" he chuckled. "Out in the hallway? Remember?"
"And, so I did" she nodded again. Then, she started for the door. "Well, I better be getting back to the ER."
"OK" he told her, not looking up from his computer screen this time. "Have a nice day."
"Would you want to go to lunch later? There’s something I’d really like to talk to you about. My treat!"
"Who can turn down a free lunch!?" he chuckled. "Sure. When you get ready to go to lunch, call me and I’ll come down, OK?"
"OK!" she smiled this time, and backed up towards the door, feeling for the door handled behind her back. "Well, I guess I’ll see you later, then?"
"I guess you will" he tried not to laugh watching her fumble for the door handle as well as her words.
"Thanks again!" she called to him as she found the knob and opened the door.
"You’re welcome again" he smiled at the computer screen.
"See you for lunch" she told him as she backed out the open door.
"See you later" he nodded again.
Once she was out the door and gone, he had to stop working long enough to bask in the thoughts he was having. She liked him. He knew that for certain now. His attraction to her was no longer one sided. It was mutual. And even though he knew he wasn’t ready to start a full blown relationship with anyone right at this point, he knew they could at least be friends.
Carol was humming along with the radio down at her desk in the ER , working diligently on the paper work that somehow seemed to multiply like rabbits overnight. Lydia was working beside her and finally gave her a strange look.
"Well, I must say that SOMEbody is in a really good mood today!" Carol laughed and nodded.
"Yeah! I guess I am!"
"Care to share?"
"I’m having lunch with Dr. Ross."
"Well, you sure didn’t waste any time with him, did you?" Lydia laughed.
"It’s not like that" Carol shook her head. "I think he just wants to be friends right now. And that’s OK with me, too. Because I don’t think I’m ready for another serious relationship right now."
"A widowed man with a baby?" Lydia shook her head. "Are you sure that’s a wise choice?"
"What could be safer than that?" Carol shrugged. "He’s not looking for a relationship and neither am I! He’s a nice guy. Can’t I just have lunch with a nice guy for a change?" Carol’s tone was annoyed.
"Sure" Lydia nodded. "As long as you’re sure that’s all it is."
"That’s all it is" Carol insisted. Lydia gave her a knowing glance. "Honest!"
"If you say so, Carol" was all Lydia offered as she went back to work.
Normally, that would have ticked her just a little bit, but Carol just smiled and went back to humming with the songs on the radio. She set to watching the clock and waiting for Doug to call when he was ready for lunch.
Doug watched the printer race back and forth while it posted his data on the continuous paper as it was pulled from the box and something made him look at the clock on the wall. It was nearly 1 o’clock. He was well past time to break for lunch, and he figured Carol had probably given up on him. Still, a promise was a promise, so he picked up the phone and checked the inter office code from the sheet on his desk.
"ER!" Carol’s voice quickly called out. "Hi, Doug!" she smiled, recognizing the call-from extension number. "Are you ready for lunch?"
"You haven’t gone already?" he chuckled. "It’s so late I figured you gave up on me!"
"I never give up!" she smiled. "Are we still on?"
"Sure, I’ll just take Cass down and leave her in day care...she’s already had her lunch!"
"Oh, no, that’s OK! You can bring her along! I don’t mind."
"No, I think she’s better off in daycare this time" his voice was soft. "But, thanks for the offer. I’ll be right down."
Doug scooped his daughter up in his arms and carried her to the elevator. He motioned to the button for the right floor and let her push it with her tiny hands until the light finally came on. When they stepped off on the right floor, he carried her down the hall until they came to the window of the day care unit.
"Look Cassie! See all the other little boys and girls? You’re going to like it here. I promise." He pushed open the door to be greeted by one of the workers.
"Hi, Dr. Ross! I got your paperwork this morning! This must be Cassidy!" she smiled at the baby.
"The one and only" Doug nodded. "This is a short trip...I’m just going to lunch with a friend. I’ll be back to get her in about an hour or an hour and a half."
"OK, now, when will she start spending half days here?"
"Not for a couple of weeks" Doug shook his head. "I want to give her time to get used to this whole set up before I start leaving her very long."
"I understand" she nodded. Then she reached for the baby. "Well, come along, Cassidy...let me show you some toys we have!"
"You be a good girl" Doug kissed her cheek affectionately as he handed her over. "Daddy will be back soon."
He started out of the day care, waving back to her as he went. She waved her hand at him and looked for a minute like she might cry, but her attention was quickly diverted by a toy the worker waved in her face. The best thing about Cassidy, Doug thought, was that she was used to being left with other people. After Caitlyn’s death, he had started taking her to work with him at Sinai and she had been left with other people from almost the time she could remember anything. She was used to it. And he always came back soon.
"Are we ready for lunch?" he stopped at the desk in front of Carol and leaned on the edge.
"Yeah, just let me get my coat!" she smiled at him and stepped into the lounge.
"Hot date?" Mark chuckled from his seat across the room.
"Just lunch" Carol told him, pulling her jacket from her locker.
"Doug Ross?" Mark gave her a knowing glance.
"What is it? All over the hospital now?" Carol seemed annoyed.
"I heard that he stepped in and rescued you from David West earlier this morning" Mark admitted lowly.
"Yeah, so, I’m taking him to lunch to thank him!" she nodded. "Later, Mark!" she told him as she started out the door, pulling into her coat. "I’m ready!" she smiled at Doug.
"Here" he took hold of her coat and helped her into the arm. "Let me help you with that."
"Oh!" she laughed nervously, but she glanced over her shoulder at Lydia, who was nodding with approval. "Thank you" she let Doug help her the rest of the way into her coat.
"Where are we going?" he asked her as they walked down the hall together.
"I thought we’d just go over to Doc Magoo’s" Carol told him.
"What’s Doc Magoo’s?" He smiled.
"This little hang out across the lot" she smiled as they stepped out the door. "I brought you vegetable soup from there when you were a patient. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah!" he nodded. "I do at that! Is there more on the menu than just soup?"
"Oh, sure! Lots of things!"
The walked across the lot and into Doc Magoo’s. Carol picked out a booth by the window so they could watch the traffic of people go in and out. Doug sat across from her and both of them took their coat off. A waitress brought them a menu and they began to look over them .
"This is one of the favorite hang outs of the hospital staff" Carol informed him.
"It’s nice" Doug nodded, looking around the restaurant.
"It’s OK" Carol shrugged. "Nothing fancy."
"Do you like fancy places?" he smiled at her.
"Sometimes" she admitted. "When I’m with the right person."
"And who is the right person?" he grinned at her.
"I don’t know" she shook her head. "I’m not sure if I’ve met him yet."
"Well, while you’re looking would you want to go to a fancy place with me?"
"I think that might be all right" she nodded.
"Well, then, you’ll have to tell me some fancy places in Chicago" he laughed. "Because I surely don’t know any of them yet!"
"Let’s just stick with Doc Magoo’s for a while, OK?" Carol smiled at him and he nodded.
"Yeah, OK" he agreed.
The waitress came back and they placed their orders. Once they were alone again, Carol cleared her throat.
"I wanted you to know" she told him in a soft voice, "that I have NOT slept with every doctor on the staff at County, no matter what David thinks."
"David?" Doug chuckled. "So, that’s the ‘infamous’ David West I’ve heard so much about?"
"Yeah, that’s him all right."
"I must say he’s not quite what I thought he’d be" Doug shook his head. "Does he always come to work drunk?"
"Not always" Carol shook her head. "But, once in a while, yeah, he does."
"And his supervisor doesn’t call him on it?" Doug ticked his head. "Don’t tell me, let me guess...his family has a lot of money donated to the hospital?"
"Good guess" she smiled. "Not much gets by you, does it?"
"I’ve been around" he admitted. "I’ve seen a lot of things. I don’t care how much money a family has invested into funding the hospital, no surgeon of any caliber should be allowed to show up drunk for duty rotations!"
"Well, I just wanted you to know that what he told you isn’t true" Carol smiled.
"Whether it is or whether it isn’t is none of my business" he told her truthfully. "I’d be a poor one to judge anyway. I used to have quite a reputation myself."
"Oh, really? At Sinai?"
"Before I met Kate, I had a very noted reputation among the staff!" he chuckled.
"Lady killer?" Carol grinned.
"I think the term they affectionately used was ‘Playboy’." Doug smiled. "I’m sure I probably deserved worse. Until I met Kate, I didn’t think it was possible for me to commit to anybody."
"And she changed that?"
"She tamed me" he chuckled. "I still don’t know what she did to me. I’ve just always been glad she did. Because, it changed my whole life...not just my attitude about women."
"You had a bad attitude about women?"
"Let’s just say I could have added a few words to David West’s vocabulary" he smiled, almost ashamed of what he was admitting. "Everything changed when I met Kate. I still don’t know what it was she did to me" he grinned.
"I think it’s called ‘love’." Carol offered to him softly.
"Yeah" Doug nodded. "That would pretty much have to be what it was."
"Have you not dated any at all since your wife died?"
"I went out a few times" he nodded. "But the women are all the same. As soon as they find out about Cass, they head for the hills." he shook his head. "I don’t understand that, either. I mean, she doesn’t bite! And she’s had all her shots!" Carol laughed at that remark and he smiled.
"She’s a darling little thing" Carol smiled. "Who could not love her?"
"You’d be surprised" Doug told her. "Most women don’t want excess baggage with a man. And they don’t like the idea of another woman’s child with him, either" he sighed and shook his head. "I never intended to raise Cassidy alone but it sure looks like that’s going to be the case." Carol sensed he needed to talk so she didn’t interrupt him...just listened. "And I worry about things, you know? Crazy things. Things I don’t even need to worry about yet..."
"Things like, ‘Dad, I got my period!’?" Carol smiled, knowingly.
"Yeah, things like that!" Doug nodded. "I mean, I’m a doctor! And I should be able to explain that really well. And I can! To OTHER people’s kids! I don’t know how I’ll do explaining it to my own. And I don’t know anything about make-up or hair dos or any of those other things girls worry about. And even before that, I worry about when she’s potty trained and I’m out with her someplace! Do I take her to the ladies room? Or the men’s room? Either way, one of us is going to be out of place!"
"Have you thought about finding a support group?"
"A support group?" He was almost puzzled by this thought.
"Sure! I’m sure there are other single fathers who have the same thoughts, fears, and questions as you do. Maybe a support group would give you some answers."
"I guess I never thought of that" he nodded. "That’s something I could look into" he smiled at her. "Thanks, Carol!"
"Don’t mention it. That’s part of my job...getting people into help programs."
"According to your profile in the computer, you’re also a certified rape counselor...is that right?"
"Yeah, that’s right" she nodded. "And no, I’ve never been raped!"
"I wasn’t going to ask" he assured her. "I think you’re really good at what you do!"
"Tell me about your father!" she asked him with a smile. "What does he do in Kentucky?"
"He...uh...he does odd jobs" he seemed very nervous to her and she suddenly wished she hadn’t asked something so personal.
"How often do you see him?"
"I try to always get down there once a month" he shifted his eyes towards his food so he wasn’t looking at her. "Now that Cass is getting to be any kind of size, I like to see him as often as I can."
"I think that’s wonderful of you" she smiled. "If he ever comes to Chicago, I’d like to meet him."
"He won’t ever come to Chicago" Doug shook his head sadly. Then, feeling safe with her, he looked up into her eyes and blinked his own sadly. "My father is in prison, Carol." he waited for her shocked reaction. She looked a little surprised, but not shocked. "He’s doing life without parole."
"I’m very sorry" she told him honestly.
"Can we get out of here?" he asked her suddenly. "Take a walk or something?"
"Sure!" Carol nodded.
She picked up both checks and paid their bill while he paced back and forth behind her. They stepped out into the cool air and began walking toward the lake front. Doug kept his hands in his pockets and his head down. Carol just walked beside him and waited for him to break their silence.
"The hardest thing about my dad being in prison is that it’s all my fault" he told her softly.
"How is it your fault?" she wanted to know. Not in a prying way, but, she sensed he wanted her to ask him something about it.
"My parents split up when I was three. They really loved each other, but they couldn’t live together. My dad was a heavy drinker. He wasn’t abusive or anything, he just liked the booze and my mom got tired of dealing with it. So, one night, she kicked him out and told him when he was sober he could come back to stay. He dried out and came back a few times, but he always went back to the bottle. They finally got divorced when I was five." Doug began telling her story in a monotone voice as they walked along the path around the lake. Landing ducks quacked happily around them and they stopped at a vending machine to get cracked corn to feed them. "When I was about 8 years old, I was molested by a teacher at school" he told her quietly, looking over for her reaction. She simply looked at him with a caring glance. "He kept me after school for being late in from recess and he told me I had a spanking coming. When we were alone, he closed the door to the room and told me to take my pants down and get across his lap for my spanking. I was scared, so, I just did what I was told. He took my face and turned it directly into his crotch while he held me over his knee and smacked the hell out of my bare ass. Then, he told me since I was so interested in what was in his pants, I could have some of that, too" Carol closed her eyes against what she was feeling. How could a teacher do that to a little boy? "So, he unzipped his pants and held me on his lap against his penis and sodomized me. I was hurting...and scared...and bleeding. He told me not to tell anybody but I was too scared because of the blood. I ran to my father’s house and told him what happened. He took me to the bathroom and looked to see how bad it was. Then, he called my mom to come and get me and take me to a hospital. I found out later he took his gun and went to the school looking for this guy. And he emptied the gun into him. The judge gave him life without parole even though the jury agreed that the act wasn’t pre-meditated."
"It was an act of love for his child" Carol looked over at him. "What jury could fault a man for doing something like that to a monster who hurt his child?"
"He took the law into his own hands..." Doug shrugged.
"Because the law wouldn’t have done anything anyway!" Carol protested.
"My mom took me to the prison once a month when I was kid so that I could see him. As I grew up, it was something I just continued. I never want him to think I don’t love him and I’ve always tried to be sure he was part of everything I did in my life. I sent him pictures from graduations and proms, and my wedding, and when Cass was born. Then, I started taking her to see him, too. I want her to know her granddad. And I don’t want her to ever be ashamed of him, because I’m not. I’m just sorry he’s stuck in there because of me."
"You can’t blame yourself for that, Doug" she touched his shoulder gently.
"I know" he nodded. "But, it’s hard not to sometimes. When I got through med school, I hired a lawyer to try and get him out, but his appeals have all been exhausted. I guess the good part is they aren’t going to kill him. But, it’s still hard, seeing him in there like that and knowing he doesn’t really belong there." He looked over at her and she could see the tears brimming in his eyes but he would not allow them to spill over. "You’re easy to talk to, Carol" he smiled. "I appreciate that. And I appreciate you listening. I haven’t had anyone to just listen since..." he cut himself off with a shake of his head.
"Since your wife died?" Carol finished it for him and he nodded. "I think I’m flattered to be placed in the same category as someone you obviously loved very much" she told him sweetly.
"You should be" he nodded with a sad smile. "She was a terrific lady" he glanced down and then back up at her quickly. "And you must be, too" he smiled weakly. "Or I wouldn’t be so at ease with you."
"Sometime when you’re going and you feel the time is right, I’d like to meet your father" she told him honestly.
"You don’t want to go up there" he shook his head. "It’s not a nice place. And it’s not a lot of fun."
"You’ll take a nine month old baby there, but you wouldn’t take a friend?"
"Cass doesn’t know anything about what’s going on there yet. All she knows is this nice man makes funny faces at her and bounces her on his knee. I don’t know how she’ll be with it when she gets old enough to understand..."
"That’s up to how you tell her about it" Carol told him honestly. "She’ll have to make up her own mind if her grandfather was right or wrong in what he did."
"He was wrong" Doug admitted. "And I know that. But, now that I have her, I can’t blame him for what he did. If someone did that to Cass, I’d probably do that much and more. I just think his punishment was too harsh."
"Have you thought of hiring another lawyer? Maybe they could get a new trial? There are all kinds of legal loopholes now that they didn’t have back then."
"I hadn’t thought about it" he shook his head. "But, now that you mention it, I just might look into it. I’d give anything to get him out of there. And I’d help him anyway I could...give him a place to stay...help him find a job...even if it’s just pushing a broom someplace! I just worry about him being in that place all the time" he looked over at her and smiled. "Thanks, Carol...for listening...and not being repulsed."
"Thank you for trusting me" she smiled back.
He resisted the urge to put his arms around her and hug her. He also resisted the urge to kiss her. He walked back to the hospital with her, wondering if this was the start of what was to come. They parted in the ER, he thanked her for lunch, and he went to get Cassidy from the day care center to return to his office. But, his work was clearly distracted by the thoughts of Carol Hathaway that wouldn’t go out of his mind.
Carol returned to her work in the ER, but her mind was clearly on an office a couple of floors above. He had trusted her with a dark secret. She knew it had been hard for him to tell her about his father, yet, he hadn’t stopped himself from doing it. He was so warm, and so kind...so caring and so feeling...she just knew there was a future for her with this man.
She just wasn’t sure how to set it moving forward.
To Be Continued...