"ER"
"The Keepers"
by Robin

Carol:

My day off had been perfect. I’d spent the whole day with Tag, my fiancé, and never gave one thought to what might be going on at the hospital. Now, locked in his arms on the sofa, the world seemed like a perfect place.

"You’re so calm and happy tonight" Tag kissed my hair. "I like to see you like this"

"It’s been a great day" I admitted.

"They could all be like that" his voice sang out on a cheerful note. I knew about where this conversation was going.

"Tag, don’t start, please? We’ve had this conversation before and I told you then, I LIKE working! I don’t think I’m the type who can stay home and be a doctor’s wife"

"Not even if it makes you feel as good as you feel right now?"

"I think I’d get bored"

"Well, OK...we’ll talk about it again later...after we get married"

"Maybe we ought to talk about it now" I turned to look at him. "Because I don’t want us to get married with any kind of problems unsolved"

"Carol, this isn’t a problem!" he laughed.

"Sounds like one to me" I told him truthfully. "You don’t want me to work and you don’t understand why I want to...to me, that’s a problem"

"If you want to work, then, you should work" He smiled at me and I felt relaxed with that.

"Really?"

"Really" He nodded. I kissed him and cuddled close to him again. "At least until you get pregnant"

"Well, that’ll be a while, at least"

"Well, it won’t be too long, will it? I was hoping we could have a child right away!"

"Oh, John...I want to be a couple a while before we’re a group! I was thinking we’d wait a couple of years at least" I looked up at her perplexed face. "Is that a problem for you?"

"No, of course not" he shook his head with a smile. "Not at all"

Somehow, he didn’t convince me but I didn’t want to argue with him. I just wanted to be safe in his arms and not worry about anything for the moment...which was shattered by the ringing phone. I jumped up to answer it, while Tag complained.

"That’s probably just the hospital...tell them neither one of us is available!" he told me.

"Absolutely!" I agreed, reaching the phone and snatching it up. "Hello?" I answered.

"Is this Carol Hathaway?" an unfamiliar voice asked me.

"Yes, it is" I gave him a confused tone.

"Hi, you don’t know me...my name is Roger and I’m the bartender down at Pass It All Around Pub..."

"Well, how can I help you?" Tag was giving me a ‘what?’ look but I waved him away and mouthed that it was ‘nothing’.

"You used to date Dr. Ross, didn’t you?"

"Well, yeah, I did, but that was a long time ago"

"Well, you were the only person I could remember besides that Dr. Greene guy that carried him out of here a few times...and I didn’t know how to find him...he’s passed out at the bar and I was wondering if somebody could come down here and get him"

"Doug is you mean?"

"Yeah"

"OK...I’ll be there as soon as I can...is he all right?"

"Yeah...he’s just loaded"

"Well, thank you for calling" I hung up the phone and looked helplessly at Tag, who was looking back at me for answers.

"What’s going on?"

"I have to go out for a while" I told him quickly. "I don’t know when I’ll be back. You don’t have to wait up for me" I started for the closet to get my coat and Tag was quickly on my heels.

"Whoa! Wait a minute! Where are you going? It’s the middle of the night!"

"A friend needs my help...I have to go" I told him, pulling into my coat.

"Well, let me go with you...I’m a doctor...I can help..."

"No, it’s OK. I can handle it" I started quickly for the door and stopped dead at the sarcastic tone of Tag’s voice that followed.

"It’s Doug Ross, isn’t it?"

"Yeah" I turned slowly to face him. "It is"

"I didn’t know you were Doug Ross’ keeper" Tag folded his arms. "In fact, last I heard, it was ‘all over’ between the two of you"

"Believe me when I tell you that there are no harboring affections for Doug Ross inside me. But he really doesn’t have too many people that actually care what happens to him, and I do happen to be one of them. Regardless of our past relationship failures, Doug is co-worker and a friend and I don’t want anything to happen to him if I can help it. Maybe that’s the nurse in me that cares, but whatever it is, I’m going to go to him"

"Well, don’t expect me to wait around until you get back" Tag snarled at me.

"That’s your choice, Tag" I nodded.

I opened the door and went out, closing the door between us. I stood still in the hallway for just a minute, asking myself what WAS I doing? I just walked out on the man I was engaged to marry to go across town in the cold and the snow to a man I insisted I didn’t have feelings for. I shook my head, and started walking as fast as I could for the El platform.

Pass It All Around Pub was an Irish pub on the other side of town. I knew it well as it was one of Doug’s favorite hang outs. I had been there with him a few times and gone there to get him a few times as well as called Mark to go there and get him a few times. I took the El and got off at my stop, walking quickly the 2 blocks from the platform to the Pub. When I got there and went in, I went straight to the bar and looked for Roger.

"Hi" I told him when I saw him at the counter. "I came for Dr. Ross"

"Right down there" he pointed to the end of the bar.

"Thanks" I nodded.

I looked down the bar and saw Doug, sitting on a barstool, with his torso slumped over onto the bar, his head resting flat against his left cheek. His eyes were closed and he actually looked pretty peaceful. He was wearing gray dockers and his scrub top from the hospital under his tweed wool coat, which worried me. I wondered if maybe he was supposed to be on duty. I walked down to him and touched his shoulder gently.

"OK, Doug, come on...the party’s over...let’s go" when he didn’t respond, I looked at Roger rather desperately. "How many did he have?"

"Only had about 3 strong ones here. I’m guessing he must have stopped off someplace before here...probably wouldn’t serve him anymore so he came here"

"Then why did you serve him?"

"Hey, he was walking straight! I had no reason not to!"

"Doug?" I started shaking his shoulders roughly. "Come on, Doug! Wake up!" when it was obvious he wasn’t going to arouse, I rolled my eyes and looked at Roger. "Can I use your phone?"

"Sure!" he pulled the phone out from under the bar and put it on the counter.

"Thanks" I sighed and punched in a number quickly. "Hi, Lydia, it’s Carol! Is Mark Green on duty tonight? Could I speak to him? Please?"

"Greene!" came the quick voice on the line a couple of minutes later.

"Hi, Mark...it’s Carol..."

‘Hi, Carol! I wouldn’t think you’d be calling this place on your day off!"

"I wouldn’t either" I agreed with him. "I need some help. Doug is passed out at the Pass It All Around Pub and I don’t know how I can get him out of here! I can’t carry him...should I call 911 and have an ambulance come and get him?"

"Passed out?"

"Yep! On the bar! I tried to wake him up but didn’t have any luck!"

"OK...I’ll take a break and come out there and help you with him. I’ll know when I see him if we can take him home and toss him in bed and let him sleep it off or if we should bring him in here"

"Thanks, Mark. I appreciate it"

I hung up the phone and gave Roger a weak smile. Then, I just sat on the stool beside Doug and waited for Mark. While I waited I took a good look at Doug. He looked rather lifeless. I absent mindedly reached my hand over to his neck and felt it for a pulse. He did have one, but it didn’t seem very strong to me. Now I was a little bit worried and wished Mark would just hurry. I lifted one of his eyelids with my thumb and his eye was rolled back into his head. The more I thought about it...the less I liked it. I was really glad to see Mark when he came through the front doors. I waved my arms for him to find me quickly and he came to me with a worried look on his face.

"Oh, my God" he groaned at the first sight of Doug. "How long has he been out?"

"I don’t know" I shook my head.

"Hey!" Mark reached out to grab Roger for attention. "How long has he been out?"

"About an hour" Roger told him shortly.

"He’s got a pulse" I told Mark, "But it’s not very strong"

"We better get him out of here" Mark reached to feel Doug’s pulse as well and winced at his results. "This isn’t good. We better take him to the hospital" he reached down and pulled Doug’s arm around his shoulders. "Come on, Doug...let’s go!"

Once Mark had Doug off the stool, I got on the other side and helped steady him. We started away and Roger, true businessman, didn’t let us get very far.

"Hey! What about his tab?"

"OK" Mark nodded and reached into Doug’s coat pocket, taking out a $50 bill. He put it down on the counter in front of Roger. "That should cover it"

He repositioned his grip on Doug and we started out of the Pub together with him and out into the cold Chicago air. Mark was double parked at the curb, the emergency lights on his 4 wheel drive blinking and cutting through the blowing snow.

"Put him in the back and ride back there with him...get me some vitals...the BP kit is in my bag back there"

"OK" I nodded. Mark hoisted Doug into the back seat and I climbed in with him. Mark got behind the wheel and started driving as fast as the weather would let him towards County.

"Should we call ahead and get a prep room?" I asked Mark as I started bumping the BP cuff for a reading.

"No" was the reply.

"BP is 110/75...respiration is shallow and sparing..."

"I don’t like the sounds of this!" Mark shook his head. "How about his skin? Is he cold?"

"No, but his finger nails are turning blue" I looked over the seat at Mark’s reflection in the rear view mirror. "You don’t think...?" I didn’t finish the sentence. I knew I couldn’t bring myself to say words like that about a patient when it was Doug.

"Not if I can help it!" Mark shook his head.

We got to County and I ran inside to get a gurney while Mark started pulling Doug out of the back of his car. By the time he had his arm over his shoulder and out of the car, I was there with the gurney. Mark laid Doug on it and looked at me.

"Let’s take him around the staff entrance...we can get in the back hall there and slip him into six...nobody ever goes back there much" Mark told me.

"Why would we want to that?"

"I don’t want anyone to know about this if we can help it"

"Do you think we should do that?"

"If Morganstern sees him like this he’s out the door...is that what you want?" I shook my head. "Me either...let’s go"

The hallway was dark when Mark and I started through from the side entrance for the staff and Mark seemed glad of that. We wheeled Doug down into the empty room that was usually used for sleeping and Mark turned on the lights. The two of us together managed to move Doug off the gurney and onto the table and Mark started to work.

"You stay here with him because you’re not even supposed to be here...I’ll go get the things we’ll need to treat him"

I nodded that I understood and Mark disappeared out the door into the dark hallway. I stood beside the table, just glaring down at Doug. His eyes were closed. He was quiet. And still. Even when he was sleeping, Doug was never that quiet. I took his hand and held it in mine and it felt kind of clammy. I knew that wasn’t a good sign. Mark came back with equipment and went to work quickly, slapping electrodes on Doug’s chest and turning on the heart monitor. His heartbeat was slow, but steady and Mark took a penlight to look into Doug’s eyes.

"Get me a CBC" Mark instructed me quickly. "I want to see how much he’s had to drink" I nodded and took the syringe and inserted the needle in Doug’s arm, drawing his blood into a vial. "Mark that ‘John Doe’, OK? I don’t want the lab to know who it is, start an IV and put it in a fast drip...the more hydration we can get into him the better off he’ll be"

"OK" I nodded and wrote ‘JOHN DOE’ on the vial label.

"OK, I’m gonna take that to the lab and I want it sent back to me personally and nobody else....you stay here with him"

"OK" I nodded again.

Mark took the blood and slipped back out the door. I sat beside the table, still holding Doug’s hand, and just watched the vitals numbers change on the machine Mark had him hooked to. It wasn’t unusual to see Doug lying on an exam table with an IV in his arm from a drinking binge but he was usually conscious when he came in. Seeing him so lifeless and still was suddenly very frightening for me. For the first time, I began to wonder what it would be like, life without him around. Doug was a clown and cocky as hell. Most of the women at County either loathed him or adored him. He was good looking...and he knew it...he had the morals of an alley cat...but he wasn’t such a bad guy. He couldn’t be faithful. He couldn’t keep a promise. But he was a good friend. He was never nasty to anyone. He tried to help when he could. And he had one major flaw. He drank too much. Doug only drank on two occasions...when he was with people...and when he was alone. More when he was alone. And Doug usually made it a point not to be alone...he most always had a woman to go home with. I knew his current bed partner was Linda Farrell and since she was usually clinging to him like a tree snake, I couldn’t imagine why he would have been alone and drinking at the Pub all night. Mark came back and I gave him a weak smile.

"Blood work is WAY over the normal limits. We’ll be lucky if his kidneys don’t fail"

"Something happen around here today? Did he lose a patient or something?"

"It was a pretty normal day" Mark shook his head. "I didn’t hear of anything out of the ordinary happening"

"Are you gonna keep him here?"

"I’m gonna have to! At least until he wakes up!"

"Then, I’ll stay too"

"You don’t have to do that" Mark shook his head. "I can take care of him. I’m on duty anyway...all I have to do is slip back and check on him. It’s your day off...go home"

"This is my fault, Mark" I looked at Doug with tears forming in my eyes. "I did this to him"

"Carol, you know that’s not true. The only reason Doug needs to drink is that he’s breathing"

"He’s been trying to talk to me...trying to apologize...I just won’t listen to him...it’s driven him to this"

"What’s with you two, huh? You took a bunch of pills and he thought that was his fault...he drinks himself to oblivion and you think that’s your fault!"

"I love him, Mark" my voice was so quiet I hardly recognized it myself. "I know that in my heart. I can’t get him out of my system. I can’t get him out of my mind"

"Then you’ve got a problem" Mark told me very matter-of-factly.

"I can’t give in to him" I shook my head. "He’s poison to me."

"Then the way I see it, you have one of two choices...forgive him and go back to him...work out your differences the best way you can...or forget him and move on"

"I’m moving on" I nodded my head, satisfied that I knew what I was saying, but I never took my eyes off Doug.

"I think that’s a good choice" Mark nodded. "You can start right now...move it on out of here and I’ll see you tomorrow" I nodded and stood up, inching my way to the door but all the while looking back at Doug. "Don’t worry about him" Mark told me. "I’ll take care of him"

I went home thinking to myself that if he died in the night, Doug would never know how I felt about him. I didn’t sleep a wink all that night and I went in to work early the next morning. And I was really glad to see Doug working at the front desk when I got there. His eyes were a little blood shot, and he had dark circles under them, but, he was on two feet at least.

"Hey" I greeted him quietly at the desk.

"Hey" he grunted to me slowly.

"How are you feeling?"

"I’m fine" he nodded. "Thanks"

He turned and went on down the hall without another word and I thought that would be the end of it. But, he cornered me alone later in the lounge when I went to get a soda.

"Mark told me you helped him out last night...I just wanted to say thanks" he told me with a sheepish look.

"You’re welcome" I nodded.

"Why do you keep fighting your feelings, Carol?" He coaxed with me. "I know you care about me...why else would you come out in the middle of the night to take care of me?"

"I care about you as a person, Doug...but what we had between us is over"

"No" he shook his head. "It’ll never be over. Not until they lay me six feet under..."

"Well, at the rate you’re going that might not be much longer!" I scolded him.

"Well, that’s my problem, OK? You save me life so you can cut me and watch me bleed? Is that how it works? I’m telling you here and now that I will NEVER give up with you...."

"I’m getting married, Doug! I’m not going to be ‘available’ anymore!"

"You’re making a major mistake, Carol, and I intend to be there when you realize it!" I reached out and slapped him hard across the face.

"You need some serious help, Doug" was all I told him before stepping around him and leaving him standing there. Once I was out the door, I heard his clipboard slam against the wall where he had released his rage.

I went back to my desk and back to work...knowing that it would not be the last confrontation between Doug Ross and me....

September 21, 1998