Author's Text

After much debate and soul searching, I have decided to continue my writings for Doug and Carol. But I want to say some things before you start reading this or any future stories.

I write for fun...and enjoyment...and entertainment. I am not in "competition" with other fan fic writers and do no read the work of any other writer except one. If my stories are "similar" to someone else's then I'm sorry. It is not intentional.

I write my stories my way. If you don't like them, then DON'T read them. It's as simple as that. The only reason I am continuing now is for the people who have taken time to let me know they enjoy them (even the bad ones) and that's important to me. But in the end, I will still write them for me and my way.

I thought once about tossing out my whole story line with Doug and Carol and starting all over fresh and new. But, I like the family life they have too much for that. And the characters I've developed for the family life are also dear to me and I don't want to not write for them, so, I'm keeping things the way they are.

The characters in this story are not mine and no money is made by me for the use of them in this story.

Robin

"ER"
"Forget To Remember"
Opening Act

Scene opens at County General. Show Doug Ross coming through the staff entrance walking gingerly with a cane. As he comes into the ER, he is met by Mark Greene, standing at the desk, with a smile.

Mark:
Hey, Doug...how are you feeling this morning?

Doug (nods):
Some better, I think. Did you get the x-rays back yet?

Mark:
Yeah, nothing is pulled, popped, twisted, slipped, or broken. Probably just a sprain. You should be fine with meds and rest...

Doug (chuckles):
Well, at least I'll get one of those two, won't I?
(stops at the desk with Mark)

Mark:
Yeah, I guess you're making preparations now for the opening of the big wing...have you seen it yet?

Doug (shakes his head):
No...what do you say we go down there and have a look?

Mark (nods):
Sounds like a plan...

Doug (as they walk along together slowly):
So, how are things with you and Jennifer?

Mark:
She filed her appeal...but the family court upheld the original decision. Now she has to take it to a higher court...I'm not sure if she'll do that or not. We'll just have to see. Like Rachel, I just want this mess to ALL be over.

Doug:
You're doing great with it, just hang in there...how is Nina doing with it?

Mark (chuckles):
Oh, you know Nina...Nina's fine. She was wondering if you might want to schedule an appointment with her and talk about your hostage situation?

Doug (shakes his head):
No, I'm fine.

Mark (puzzled):
You sure? That was a pretty harried experience, wasn't it?

Doug (ticks his head):
Yeah, but, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle...I'm fine.

He and Mark walk into the brand new Pediatrics wing just off the end of the old ER and Doug flips on a light. They look around at all the new equipment...how clean and white and crisp everything is where it's new.

Mark (nodding):
This is really REALLY nice, Doug.

Doug (nods):
Yeah...I'm moving my office down to here, too. We'll all be in one place together and I think that's going to make things a lot better for the patients.

Mark (looks at the plaque on the wall):
The Bobby Carter Memorial Wing?

Doug (nods):
Yeah...I thought it was a good choice seeing that we wouldn't have the wing without Mrs. Carter's help, and John IS a member of my team.

Mark (nods):
Nice touch.
(looks around the room)
I think you'll be real happy here.
(touches Doug's shoulder)
You take care of that back, OK? I have to get upstairs and get ready for the meeting...you'll be there, right?

Doug:
Yeah, I'll be there.

Mark walks out and leaves Doug standing in the middle of the room looking around the wing, smiling, and nodding his head. He turns to walk out and puts his hand on his back, making a pained face. He shakes it off, and goes on out of the room.

Cut to show Mark shuffling through papers on his desk up in his office. He is grumbling under his breath and obviously looking for something he cannot find. Cut to show Kerry Weaver suddenly in the doorway.

Kerry (knocking shortly):
Mark? Have you got a minute?

Mark (sarcastically):
Sure! I've just got ten seconds to find my notes and get to a board meeting!

Kerry:
I'm on my way there, too...we've got a few minutes to talk if that's OK with you?

Mark (motions her into the office):
Sure...come on in.
(Kerry comes in and closes the door)
What's on your mind, Kerry?

Kerry:
I was wondering what the write up on Doug Ross was going to look like for the board this morning? I know this is his 'big moment' as the purpose of the meeting is to discuss the opening of the Pedes wing, but, we can't overlook his disregard for the rules in the clinic...

Mark (cuts her off):
Wait a minute...what are you talking about? What write up?

Kerry (matter of factly):
The write up for the drugs he stole from the clinic.

Mark (surprised at her tone):
Kerry, Doug had a very good reason for taking those supplies! There isn't any write up on that!

Kerry (stunned):
You're not going to report it?

Mark (growing annoyed):
It was on the local news that he was at the clinic, Kerry, I'm pretty sure most everybody who needs to know already does. I'm not going to write Doug up for that.

Kerry:
But, as Chief of Staff, that's your job, isn't it?

Mark:
It is also, as Chief of Staff, my job to use good judgment in reporting violations, in this case I don't think it's necessary.

Kerry (annoyed):
Because it's your buddy, Doug Ross?

Mark (angry now):
Because the man was held hostage by a fugitive! He didn't have a lot of CHOICE in this situation, Kerry...

Kerry:
He had plenty of choices, Mark, and he made the wrong one...

Mark:
He made the EASY one. The man had a gun on him, Kerry...I don't think Doug even hesitated to think he would be shot if he didn't comply. And unlike you who only has to think about yourself all the time, Doug has a wife and six children to consider! Now, I don't want to hear anymore about this issue from you and if you bring it up in the board meeting, I will write YOU up for misconduct and violation on rules...

Kerry:
What rule is that?

Mark:
MY rule...'those who do not USE good judgment are not allowed to pass it on others'.

Angrily, Mark picks up his folder and storms out of his office, leaving Kerry standing there alone, fuming, as Opening Act fades into Opening Credits of the show.

Act One

Scene opens with Doug hobbling slowly into the board meeting. All the other doctors are there and waiting at the table and all eyes are on him as he slides carefully into a chair at the end of the table.

Doug (apologetically):
Sorry I'm late...

Kerry (scoffs, mumbles under her breath):
Are you ever on time?
(Mark shoots her an annoyed look)

Morganstern:
Quite all right, Doug...I happen to know you were down in the ER admiring that new wing we're about to open...
(folds his hands on the table and smiles at Doug)
What did you think?

Doug (nods):
It's great...it's beautiful...I'm very pleased...thank you.

Morganstern (chuckles):
No, thank YOU...you did all the work to get it...we just built it! And it's top of the line, thanks to you and your sponsors...all new equipment...state of the art supplies...everything current and up to date!

Doug:
It's great, really.

Kerry (grins at him):
And you will graciously share this equipment with the rest of the ER, won't you, Doug?

Doug (sarcastic look):
Of course I will.

Morganstern (smiles weakly):
Well, let's get down to business, shall we? Are there any issues anyone would like to bring up?

Mark looks across the table as Kerry starts to say something. He gives her a stern look and she closes her mouth and taps her pencil on the table.

Morganstern:
No? Well, all right then, let's get to discussing the opening of the Pediatric Wing...we were looking at the possibilities of having the open house opening on Tuesday of next week...would that be a good time for everybody?

Show all of the doctors at the table flipping through a calendar in front of them to see the date of the proposed opening. Focus on Doug looking hard at the date...March 17th. Show Doug's eyes deep in thought. He turns his head and looks out the window of the board room at light flakes of snow falling outside.

*****FLASHBACK*****

Show Doug standing in the ER doorway several years before watching the snow fall outside. Show Mark come up behind him and tap him on the shoulder for his attention.

Mark:
Doug?
(with no response, he tapes his shoulder harder)
Doug!
(Doug turns around to face him)
You OK?

Doug (nods):
Yeah! Sorry! I was just thinking it's crazy that it's St. Patrick's Day and it's snowing outside!

Mark:
Yeah, that's March weather for you...come on! I need your help back here...

Doug (nods, steps away to follow Mark):
Sure...
*****Flashback To Present*****

Focus on Doug still gazing out the window of the board room and we hear David Morganstern's voice across the table.

Morganstern:
...don't you think so, Doug?
(looks to see that Doug is staring out the window, chuckles, and raises his voice a notch)
Doug?
(getting no response he raises his voice again)
Doug!

Doug (pops his trance, looks at David):
I'm sorry, David...what were you saying?

Morganstern (chuckles):
I was saying I thought having balloons and a clown for the kids at the open house might be a good idea, since this wing is FOR the children! What do you think?

Doug (nods):
I think that sounds fine...

Morganstern (clears his throat):
Doug, we all understand that you've been through a rather trying experience recently, but, this meeting IS for your wing, so, I'd appreciate it if you try to keep your mind on what we're doing here, please?

Doug (looks back to the table):
Of course, David...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wander...

Morganstern:
When we have the open house, is there anyone in particular you'd like to have cut the ribbon?

Doug:
Someone from the Carter family...John would be fine...

Morganstern (smiles):
What about a child? This wing is for the children? I think it would be appropriate to have a child help cut the ribbon...one of your children, perhaps? The little one, maybe?

Doug (chuckles):
Marc? He's only 20 months old! I don't think he has much experience with ribbon cutters yet...at least I HOPE he doesn't.

Morganstern:
Well, John would be the real cutter...I was just thinking Marc would represent the future...it would be a nice touch.

Doug:
It's fine with me, but, I'll need to talk to Carol about it first...see how she feels about it.

Mark (looks across the table at Doug):
She's not working today, right?

Doug (shakes his head):
No, she's home today...

Morganstern:
Well, by all means, discuss it with Carol and just let Mark know if we can exploit your child... (all chuckle)

Doug:
Can't exploit that kid...he's a real ham!

Mark (mumbles):
Doug Ross, Jr.
(all chuckle again)

Morganstern:
Anything else we need to cover?

Mark:
Just about Anna DelAmico...
(looks at Doug)
You're aware of her request, aren't you?

Doug (nods):
Yeah, she wants to work full time in the clinic to keep a Pedes doctor on call there during the day. I OK'd that move...you should have the paperwork on it.

Mark (sarcastic grin):
I don't have it.

Doug (sheepish look):
It's probably still on my desk...I'll get it to you today.

Morganstern:
That leaves an opening in the ER for another Pedes doctor if you have someone in mind?

Doug:
I'll look over the Med School applicants and see if someone will fit in...I'll let Mark know on that, too.

Morgnstern:
Well, if nobody has anything else, I guess that about covers everything for this round...
(pushes his chair back)
...thank you all for coming.

Doctors stand up and start out of the room, conversing between each other.

Mark (from the table as Doug reaches the doorway):
Hey, Doug, I really that paper on Anna DelAmico as soon as possible.

Doug (nods):
I'll go get it for you now, Mark...

Doug goes on out the door. Mark gathers up his notes and starts out the door with Kerry.

Kerry (as they walk down the hall):
Tell me the truth, Mark...do you think Doug Ross is administration material?

Mark:
You mean do I think he's doing a good job Chief of Pediatrics? Yes...I think he's doing all right. Why?

Kerry:
Oh, I don't know...he just never seems to be organized and he can't seem to keep his mind on important things...

Mark:
You mean he's not very attentive in board meetings...
(chuckles)

Kerry:
As a member of the board and a department head, he should take it seriously, Mark.

Mark (nods):
I agree...but Doug's just not the board meeting type much.

Kerry:
Well, that's my point exactly...if he's not willing to do the whole nine yards, he shouldn't be in the game!

Mark:
Listen, Kerry, personally, I couldn't care less whether Doug is sharp at a board meeting or not. Because he's sharp where he needs to be...which is down in that ER with those kids that come through the door. Now, which do you think is more important?

Kerry:
I think they're both equally important.

Mark (as they wait for the elevator):
Kerry, I know that you put high standards on administrative duties, and I won't argue with you that they are important. But it's only one phase of duty around here. And in the other areas of expertise, I think Doug is above average.
(elevator door opens and Mark steps in)
You know, Kerry, you really need to give him a break.

Door closes and Kerry goes on down the hall alone, shaking her head.

Cut to show Doug standing in his office watching the snow fall out the window. He goes back over to his desk and sits down, looking around the desk for the paper he promised to Mark. Lifting up papers, a pair of scissors falls to the desk and then clatters to the floor. He leans over to pick them up and his mind flashes briefly to see Mark Greene with a pair of scissors cutting blue jeans off a patient and then flashes back to present. He puts the scissors on the desk and reaches for a pen from his pencil holder. Propped against the pencil holder is a small picture frame with a picture of him and Carol...but it's not a recent picture...the picture is several years old and before they were married. He picks it up and looks at it. He is sitting on a rail fence and Carol is leaning against him smiling and holding a balloon on a string in her hand.

*****Flashback*****

Show Doug and Carol walking hand in hand along a walkway, Carol still holding onto her balloon just after the photo had been taken. Doug is priming the instant photo for them to see.

Carol (quietly):
Doug?

Doug (still paying attention to the picture):
Ummm?

Carol:
I love you.

Doug (chuckles):
Yeah, I love you, too.

Carol (stops them from walking and turns to look at him):
No, I mean, I LOVE you.

Doug (ticks his head, looks at her):
I said I love you, too.

Carol:
Do you, Doug? Do you really?

Doug (nods his head, peels off the picture and hands it to her):
Of course I do...there! Take a look at that! Is that two happy people or what?

Carol:
Let's get married, Doug!

Doug (shocked):
Married!? How'd we get to that conversation?!

Carol:
We love each other...when two people love each other they get married, right?

Doug (nods slowly):
Some of them do, yes...

Carol (hurt tone):
But, not you, huh?

Doug:
I didn't say that...this is just really sudden...we've never talked about marriage before...

Carol:
Well, maybe we should have...

Doug:
Can't we just enjoy each other's company? Enjoy being together? Isn't that enough for right now?

Carol:
What's wrong with making it permanent?

Doug:
Nothing wrong with it when we're both ready...do you honestly think we're ready for marriage?

Carol:
I think I am...

Doug:
Well, I don't! I think marriage right now would be a big mistake for both of us!

Carol:
So, our relationship is a mistake? Is that what you're saying?

Doug (defensively):
No, that's NOT what I'm saying...I'm just saying that things are fine the way they are now so why should we change it?

Carol:
Because it's how we move forward in our relationship, Doug...it's how we prove we love each other.

Doug:
I think there are plenty of ways we can say 'I love you' without one of them being 'I do'!

*****Flashback To Present*****

Doug reaches the picture back to his desk, takes his pen, and flips over the calendar on his desk. He scribbles something on the page and pauses to look at it. He has written the words 'Pedes Wing Opening' but his eyes can't shift away from the date of March 17th as Act One Fades to Black.

Act Two

Scene opens in Doug's office. He is sifting through folders and papers looking for the one he needs for Mark, grumbling to himself. His desk looks like it could be declared a disaster area. He finally slides down into his chair and picks up the phone.

Cut to show Tatiana Ross running through the Ross home to pick up the ringing phone.

Tatiana (happily and politely):
Hello? Ross Residence!

Doug (smiles into the receiver):
Hi, Punkin, what are you doing answering the phone?

Tatiana:
Scotty is in the back yard playing baseball with his friends, Mama is in the nursery changing Tina, it's Mrs. Lincoln's day off, and Josh, Lana, and Marcus don't know how to answer the phone yet!
(giggles)
Besides, Mama asked me to get it!

Cut to show Carol coming into the room carrying a baby on her shoulder.

Carol:
Who is it, Tatch?

Tatiana (reaches the phone to her):
It's Papa!

Carol (takes the phone with a confused look):
Hey, Doug! What's up!

Doug (smiles to hear her voice):
Hey, Babe...listen...you remember that night you were with me in my office and I filled out that form for Anna to transfer to the clinic?

Carol (pats baby on the back):
Yeah, I remember!

Doug:
Well, do you know what I DID with it?

Carol (chuckles):
YOU didn't do anything with it. YOU left it on your desk where I knew you would lose it. I put it in a folder in your top desk drawer.

Doug (sighs):
Well, why didn't you tell me?

Carol:
I DID tell you! I showed you the folder and said 'I'm putting this right here' and you said 'Uh huh' and watched me put it in the drawer.

Doug (opens desk drawer, sees folder):
And you're right...here it is!
(sighs, pulls folder out of the drawer)
Thanks, Hon. I don't know what I'd do without you! Is everything OK there at the house?

Carol:
Josh has a rash...

Doug:
Is that him I hear crying?

Carol:
Yeah...I've got him here on my shoulder...it's diaper rash...it's where he's wet all the time but I can't seem to find anything that keeps him dry.

Doug:
Always a pediatricians nightmare with little ones. Leave his diaper off him a while and let him get some air...that'll help.

Carol:
Yeah, I thought of that too. How's your back? Are you doing OK?

Doug:
Having some pain, but, I'm OK. Mark got the x-rays back and nothing is pulled, popped, ruptured, broken, or twisted so I should be OK with a little time.
(pause)
Hey, they got the wing ready, you should come and see it! It's really nice!

Carol:
I'll see it opening day...when are they going to cut the ribbon?

Doug:
A week from Tuesday...they want Marc to help cut it with John Carter...that be OK?

Carol:
Oh, sure...you know how that little ham loves attention. He'll be great.

Doug:
Well, I need to get this paper to Mark, so, I will talk to you later, OK?

Carol:
OK...the kids and I will pick you up tonight when you get off, OK?

Doug (chuckles):
Fine, see you then!

Doug takes the folder and goes out of his office, hobbling with his cane, down to Mark's office. He knocks on the door and waits for Mark's 'come in' response before he opens the door and enters.

Doug (holds up folder):
Here's that transfer OK you wanted on Anna...

Mark (looks up from his desk):
Oh, good...thanks...
(reaches to take it)
I'll give this to David. Something I need you to do, though...I need you to go down to ICU and check on Samantha Colter...

Doug (confused):
Samantha Colter?

Mark:
You remember, don't you? The 16 year old that took all the pills? She's been in a coma sense they brought her in and we hooked her up to life support?

Doug (nodding):
Oh, yeah...I remember.

Mark:
Well, her parents signed an order to donate her organs but we have to have a pediatrician certify that there is no brain activity before we can disconnect her.

Doug (frowns):
Can't Rocher do it?

Mark:
He could, if he was here. He's off today...you have a problem with it?

Doug:
Not a problem, per say, just not exactly one of my favorite things to do.

Mark (nods):
I know...mine either...you want me to go with you?

Doug (shakes his head):
No, I'll be OK.

Doug goes on back out of Mark's office and gets into the elevator. Cut to show him coming out of the elevator and limping down the hall to a room. He goes into the room and finds a teen aged girl lying on the bed hooked to a life support machine. There is a woman sitting in a chair beside her bed holding her hand. Doug smiles weakly at the woman as he enters the room and goes over to read the numbers on the machines the girl is hooked to.

Doug (reaches his hand across the bed to the woman):
I'm Dr. Ross.

Woman (shakes his hand):
Margaret Colter...Samantha's mother.

Doug (pulls up a chair to sit close to the mother):
Mrs. Colter, this is very difficult...I understand you and your husband signed an organ donation order?

Mrs. Colter (nods):
Yes, that's correct...it's what Samantha would have wanted.

Doug (sighs):
Well, unfortunately, there has been quite a bit of damage internally by the drugs and I don't think we'll be able to use all her organs, but, I think some of them are salvagable.

Mrs. Colter (tears welling up):
Samantha was a good girl, Dr. Ross. It's that boy that caused all this.

Doug (confused):
Boy? What boy?

Mrs. Colter:
They boy that led her along...made her think he cared about her...told her he loved her...all the time he was seeing some other girl.
(strokes hair of her daughter)
My poor Samantha isn't dying from a drug overdose, Dr. Ross. She's dying from a broken heart.

Doug:
I'm very sorry, Mrs. Colter. I wish there was something more I could tell you.

Mrs. Colter:
Is she dead, Dr. Ross? I know she's breathing, but, is she dead?

Doug (nods slowly):
Legally, yes. There is no brain activity.

Mrs. Colter:
Then turn the machine off, Dr. Ross. Let her go.
(tears slip down her cheeks)
Maybe she'll be happy someplace else...

Doug (nods):
I'll have to ask you to wait outside.

Mrs. Colter:
Could I have just a few minutes alone with her, please?

Doug (smiles weakly):
Of course.

Doug goes out into the hall and stands watching through the glass at the mother/daughter scene in the room. Pull tight focus on his eyes, very sad and bothered...

*****Flashback*****

Show Doug standing in the hospital hallway peering through the glass at a patient in the room in front of him. We cannot see who the patient is, but, Doug is very troubled. His eyes are sad and concerned. Show Helen, Carol's mother, come up to him in the hallway. She stops and looks into the room, then she turns viciously on Doug.

Helen:
You did this, you know! It's because of you that's she in there right now.
(Doug gives Helen a helpless look but doesn't say anything)
You told my daughter you loved her and all the time you were playing around with somebody else! Did you think she wouldn't find out?

Doug (clears his throat):
Carol took care of that, Helen...she read me the riot act and told me it was over between us.

Helen:
Over between you? She honestly loves you, Doug!

Doug (looks into the room, tears mist in his eyes but don't fall):
I love her, too.

Helen:
And that's how you show it to her? By cheating on her?

Doug:
I wasn't cheating...exactly. We aren't engaged or married or anything...we aren't committed to each other.

Helen:
Just not with a ring or a symbol...only with her heart, I suppose.

Doug:
I never meant to hurt her, Helen...I honestly do love her. I only hope I get a chance to tell her...

Helen:
If she is lucky enough to recover from this I want you to promise me one thing...that you'll leave her alone!
(Doug gives her a serious look)
I don't want you in her life, Doug. Men like you never change and they don't bring anything but heartache. I should know. So, if Carol gets better I want you to stay away from her...or you'll answer to me. If my daughter dies, I'm holding you personally responsible for it.

*****Flashback To Present*****

Show Doug still peering through the glass into Samantha's room and show Mrs. Colter now standing beside him touching his arm for his attention.

Mrs. Colter:
Dr. Ross?
(shakes his arm)
Dr. Ross!
(Doug turns his attention to her quickly)

Doug:
I'm sorry...

Mrs. Colter (smiles sadly):
I'm ready now.

Doug (nods):
OK.
(looks over to the nurses' station)
Chuni, could you help me with this, please?

Chuni (nods, starts across the hall):
Sure thing, Dr. Ross.

Doug and Chuni go into Samantha's room. Doug looks over the numbers one more time. He sighs and then takes a deep breath. Slowly and carefully, he turns off the life support machine. He watches Samantha's chest rise and then fall for the last time. Looking down at the teenager his mind flashes quickly to see Carol lying on the bed, with the EG tube in her mouth pumping the drugs out of her stomach. He shakes off the vision and takes the tube out of Samantha's mouth, looking sadly over at Chuni.

Doug (quiet voice):
Time of death...
(looks at clock on the wall)
13:21.

Chuni records the Time of death on Samantha's chart and Doug walks slowly out of the room. He stops to briefly touch the arm of Mrs. Colter, who is standing with her hand over her mouth trying to control and muffle her sobs. Doug gives her a sad and comforting look...then he puts his arm around her and lets her sob into his chest.

Mrs. Colter (sobbing):
What am I going to do without my daughter, Dr. Ross?

Doug just lets her sob and holds his hand to her back in a comforting fashion. His eyes reflect the pain he is feeling for her as Act Two Fades To Black.

Act Three

Scene opens in the ER. Show Doug sitting on a stool at the main desk working on a file when Kerry Weaver comes up to work close beside him.

Kerry (quietly):
How's your back?

Doug (chuckles):
It hurts like hell...thank you for asking.

Kerry:
Did you get your x-rays back?

Doug (nods):
Mark got them...he said nothing is popped, pulled, ruptured, broken, or twisted.

Kerry:
Are you on meds?

Doug:
Yeah, Mark gave me a script.

Kerry:
Did you look at the x-rays?

Doug:
No, Mark has them...I just took his word for it.

Kerry (thinking):
Do you mind if I take a look at them?

Doug (stops working, looks over at her):
What are you looking for?

Kerry:
Not looking FOR anything...it's just that sometimes with back injuries the injury can be so small it doesn't show up at anything major and then turns into something later on.

Doug:
Sure, go ahead and look at them.

Kerry (nods):
OK, I'll talk to Mark about that in a bit...

Doug (thinking):
Thank you, Kerry.

Kerry (grin):
Oh, you're welcome, Doug. We can't let anything happen to you...not with that Pedes Wing dedication coming up.

Doug (serious tone):
Listen, Kerry, I know you don't think the Pedes wing is a good idea, but I think in the long run you're going to see it's advantages.

Kerry (sarcastic smile):
Oh, I already see one advantage, Doug...
(picks up her files and starts away)
It'll get you out of the ER.
(Doug nods sarcastically as she walks away)

Jerry (chuckles, standing beside Doug):
You walked right into that one, Dr. Ross.

Doug (laughing):
I did, didn't I?
(gets up, leans on his cane)
I'll be in my office if anyone needs me...just page me.

Jerry (nods):
Sure thing, Dr. Ross.

Doug hobbles slowly down the hallway towards the elevator. Before he gets there, he passes a small supply closet and stops, looking at the door with a puzzled expression.

*****Flashback*****

Show Carol going into the supply closet in a rage. She is slamming things around inside and kicking the shelf legs. Cut to show Doug coming in the door and closing it behind him.

Doug:
Carol, calm down...

Carol (turns on him quickly):
Calm down! I'll have you know I AM calm compared to what I was when I saw you with that tramp!

Doug (defensively):
She's not a tramp...

Carol:
That's YOUR opinion! How could you do this to me, Doug? You told me you loved me!

Doug:
I DO love you...

Carol:
And this is how you express love to somebody? You leave their bed and go to someone else's?

Doug:
I wasn't in her bed...

Carol:
No, not yet! But you would have been if I hadn't shown up!

Doug (coaxing look):
Come on, Carol...I'll make it up to you...

Carol:
Make it up to me?
(laughs)
Is that all you think there is to it? You can just buy me flowers and candy and everything will be OK? I think it's gonna take a little more than that, Doug...

Doug (mischievous grin, trying to break the mood):
OK, I'll take you to dinner, too...

Carol (turns on him angrily):
Stop it, Doug! It's not funny! I can't believe you would do this to somebody you claim to love! Are you even capable of love? At all?

These words make him think. He looks at her curiously and ticks his head in thought.

Doug:
I don't know, Carol...

Carol:
Then WHY did you tell me you loved me!? If you are not capable of the emotion, WHY did you say the words? Because you thought it was what I wanted to hear? Because you thought you could get into my pants if you said it?

Doug (stammers):
Carol...I...

Carol:
Just get out of my life, Doug. Stay out of my thoughts and out of my life...

She pushes past him and goes out the door, leaving him standing alone and confused to absorb the conversation.

*****Flashback to Present*****

Show Doug's trance popped by the ringing of elevator coming to the floor. He steps into it and lets the door close him off from staring at the broom closet.

Cut to show him sitting at his desk looking at the old photo of him and Carol with the balloon and his picks up the phone.

Cut to show Carol answering the phone at the Ross home.

Carol:
Hello?

Doug (smiles when he hears her voice):
How's Josh's rash?

Carol (chuckles):
What's wrong, Doug, don't you have anything else to do today? You've called here a half a dozen times! His rash is just the same as it was the last time you called and asked me.
(pause)
Is something wrong?

Doug (nods):
Yeah...I had a rough morning.

Carol:
What happened?

Doug:
We turned off the life support on Samantha Colter.

Carol:
Oh, Doug, I'm so sorry. I know how hard that was for you.

Doug (nods):
Yeah, well, it's just one of those things. What I called to tell you is, I'm getting a ride home with Mark, so you won't have to drag all the kids out to pick me up!

Carol (delighted):
OH! OK...what time will you be home?

Doug:
I shouldn't be much later than about 7:30.

Carol (smiles):
OK, I'll see you then. Are you sure you're OK?

Doug (smiles):
Just hearing your voice makes it OK. I'm fine.

He hangs up the phone and looks at the picture again, his eyes locked deep in thought. In his mind, he hears some of the things Carol has said to him after she came back to work, one in particular being "I will NOT let you do this to me again". He thinks about when he crashed her engagement party and told her "Tell him you think about me when you're with him" and then he thinks about when he sat with her in the church and she was crying because she and Tag didn't get married. He sees her dancing to TEQUILA in her wedding dress with Rachel and sees himself looking relieved in the corner watching her. He hears her say things to him like "You had your chance" and he shakes his head, still gazing at the picture. He is still sitting at his desk when there is a knock at his door.

Doug (pops trance, looks up):
Yes? Come in!

Mark (opens the door and steps into the office):
Are you OK in here?

Doug (nods):
My back is just hurting some, that's all.

Mark:
Yeah, Kerry Weaver came and took the x-rays to look at them...any idea what she's looking for? She said it was OK with you.

Doug:
Yeah, she asked me about it...I don't know what she's looking for...maybe the knife she stabs me with all the time.
(chuckles)

Mark (nods sarcastically):
Very funny...I just wanted to check on you and see if you were OK...you've had a rough day, I think.

Doug (shrugs):
I'm OK.

Mark:
How was Mrs. Colter?

Doug:
She was a real trooper...
(nods)
She did OK.

Mark:
I know that was rough for you...a kid like that...but there wasn't anybody else I could send...

Doug:
It's part of the job, Mark...it's OK.

Mark:
Yeah...well...OK...I'll come and get you in a little bit...will you be ready to go home?

Doug (chuckles, nods):
MORE than ready...thanks.

Cut to the Ross home. Show Carol sitting and thinking about all the times Doug has called her and she picks up the phone.

Carol (into receiver):
Hi, Sarah...would you like to have three little girls for a night?

Sarah:
You're farming the kids out? What's going on?

Carol:
Oh, nothing...Doug's just called me a half a dozen times today...I just get the feeling something is bothering him...so I thought I'd make some 'grown up' time tonight for him without the kids.

Sarah:
I would LOVE to have my granddaughters...but what will you do with the boys?

Carol (chuckles):
I'll send them to my Mom! She had all girls...she can have the boys for a night!

Sarah:
Sure, Carol...that will be great. Do you want me to come and pick them up?

Carol (shakes her head):
No...I'll get them ready and drop them off...
(she hangs up the phone and dials another number)
Hello, Mama? How would you like to have three little boys for the evening?
(smiles)
I thought so...I'll drop them off in a little bit...

Cut to show Doug sitting in the chair in his office, with his hand on his back, flexing it, when there is a knock at his door.

Doug (sits up at his desk):
Come in!

Kerry (coming in the door with a chart):
Oh, good...you're still here! I took a look at your x rays...

Doug:
And?

Kerry (puts the x-ray up to the light):
You have a tiny separation of the vertebrae right here
(points with her finger)
It's very small, but, it is still there. I thought you might want to know...

Doug:
Doesn't look like anything serious...

Kerry:
Probably not, no, but, I wouldn't do any heavy lifting or anything for a few weeks until it has time to heal.

Doug (nods):
Yeah, OK...thanks, Kerry...I appreciate it.

Mark (sticks his head in the door):
Doug? Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't know you were busy...

Doug (gets up from his desk, leans on his cane):
Not busy...Kerry was just telling me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks...
(Mark looks at Kerry quizzingly)

Kerry:
Tiny separation of the vertebrae...nothing really serious...just a precaution.

Doug (as he hobbles to the door):
And I assured her I wouldn't. Let's go home!

Mark (as they start out the door together):
You seem anxious to get there!

Doug (nods):
I am...I've been up and down and in that chair all day and I just want to go home and lie down and stretch out and relax!

Mark chuckles as the three of them leave the office and Doug locks the door and Act Three Fades to Black with them walking down the hall to the elevator.

Act Four

Scene opens at the Ross home, exterior. Show Mark's car pull into the driveway and Doug gets out on the passenger's side, gimping slowly towards the house. When he gets to the door, Mark flashes his lights at him and Doug turns briefly to wave a thanks to him before he goes on into the house. He opens the door, expecting to be attacked by Tatiana, and he is surprised when no one comes to greet him. The house is very quiet and this is surprising and as well as disturbing for him.

Doug (goes slowly through the house):
Carol?

Upon getting no answer, Doug begins to look in each room as he goes by the door, repeating the call of 'Carol' softly as he goes. He gets to the up level of the house and opens the door to Marc's room. Seeing Marc is not in his crib, Doug ticks his head and goes on down the hallway.

Doug (reaching the master bedroom door):
Carol?
(he looks into the room carefully)
Honey? Are you in here?

When he doesn't get an answer, Doug's anxiety begins to climb. He pushes open the door and goes into the room, looking around carefully. He goes over to the bed and his attention is caught by Carol's white terry bathrobe lying on the bed. He picks it up and looks closely at it, noticing blood on the sleeve. Now he begins to feel panic.

Doug (tossing the bathrobe back on the bed):
Carol!?

He hobbles across the floor to the bathroom and sees the light on under the door. He puts his hand on the door knob and takes a deep breath. But his mind flashes a vision he would rather not see...his mind flashes a picture of Carol lying in the bathtub, her wrists slit and plunged into the water...the water a murky, bloody red, and Carol unconscious face down in the water. Quickly, he rips open the door to find Carol in the bathtub, her head leaned back against the wall and the back of the tub, soaking to her neck in rich white bubbles and a walkman headset on her head, listening to music from the walkman on the table behind the tub. Doug breathes a sigh of relief when he sees her and smiles slightly as he goes on into the bathroom. He leans over to Carol and kisses her on the head. She looks up at him and smiles brightly, slipping the headphones off her head.

Carol (laughing):
I'm sorry! I guess I lost track of the time!

Doug (smiles):
It's OK.

Carol (looks at him with a concerned look, reaches her bubble covered hand to his face and touches him):
Are you OK? You look a little spooked.

Doug (grins):
Just tired...it's been a long day.

Carol:
Well, go on and lie down on the bed and rest...I'll be right out, OK?

Doug:
Don't hurry on account of me...I'm fine.

Doug goes on out of the bathroom and into the bedroom and pulls off his shirt to tug into a big loose t-shirt and lies down on the bed.

Doug (calling from the bed):
Where are the kids?

Carol (calls back from the bathroom):
I let the grandmothers have them for a night...I thought we might have some 'grown-up' time tonight.

Doug (nods...looking over a file he has laying close by):
That sounds good...

Carol comes out of the bathroom drying the ends of her hair and dressed in a long dorm shirt. She goes over to the bed and sits down with Doug, kissing his cheek lightly.

Carol:
I'm sorry you had such a rough day.

Doug (shrugs):
It's OK...some days are like that.
(pause)
Carol, I was hoping we could talk.

Carol (rubs her hair, smiles at him):
Sure...what would you like to talk about?

Doug (looks her in the eye):
Something I've wanted to know for a long time and never talked to you about...something I never asked you because I was afraid to hear the answer...but now I feel like I have to know...

Carol (takes his face in both her hands):
Honey, what is it? What's bothering you? You know you can ask me about anything...

Doug:
Even that night?

Carol (confused):
What night?

Doug:
The night you tried to kill yourself?

Carol:
Oh, Sweetheart, that was a LONG time ago...why would you want to bring that up now?

Doug:
Because I started thinking about it.

Carol (laughs, confused):
Why?

Doug (sighs):
The board set the opening of the Pedes wing for March 17th...and that date just hammered in on me all day...because we never talked about it. I talked to Mark about it. Mark talk to me about it. But I never talked to you about it.

Carol (shrugs):
There really isn't anything much to talk about. It happened. It's over...

Doug:
Why did you do it? I always wanted to ask you that...was it because of me?

Carol (rolls her eyes):
Well, that's an arrogant attitude I should have expected out of you! Doug, I told you a dozen times it was NOT because of you...

Doug:
Then what was it? What was so bad in your life that you felt like you couldn't go on?

Carol (thinking...nodding):
OK...well...my Mother was part of it...after we broke up, she rode me pretty hard about making 'bad choices' and what I should have expected from a man like you to begin with. I was having a real rough time at work...a lot of pressures and demands being put on me that I wasn't in an emotional frame of mind to handle...Tag was putting some pressure on me to move our relationship into the sex level and I wasn't ready for that yet...it was too soon after... (Carol stops, and looks into Doug's eyes as he ticks his head and smiles sadly)

Doug:
Too soon after me?

Carol (nods slowly):
Yeah...it was.

Doug:
So, some of it WAS about me?

Carol (sighs):
The hardest part after we split up was working with you and having to see you every day...and not going home with you. Knowing that when you went out that door you were going to another woman...or you were going to get drunk... (Doug ducks his head, but Carol lifts his chin with her fingertips)
I used to lie awake at night and wonder who you were with and where you were and ask myself why I wasn't strong enough to hold you...why I wasn't woman enough for you...

Doug:
But you WERE woman enough for me...you were almost too much woman for me. You were strong and stood up to me...you didn't bend or back down...I never had a woman do that with me before. It was one of the things I loved most about you...
(chuckles)
...still is!

Carol:
But, I took your womanizing as rejection...I didn't understand then that is was just the way you were. It just seemed like everything that could go wrong in my life went wrong at once...I felt rejected by everything and everybody...you...my mother...Tag...my job...
(Doug listens attentively)
I went home that night and I was just really tired! I was trying to unwind with a strong drink. And then, there was this voice in the back of my head telling me I could just go to sleep and not have to wake up and face all this again. And the more it talked, the more I listened. And then it just all started to make sense. So, I went to the medicine cabinet and took out the pills...I went back to my bed and took them all at once. The only thing that went 'wrong' so to speak... (grins) ...was that my roommate came in to check on me and found me unconscious and called the hospital.

Doug (looks her in the eye):
Thank God for that...otherwise it would have been too late...
(Pause)
I remember I was standing at the front desk when that call came over the box from the paramedic call...I knew the address...and I just froze. It was like everything in my life was being ripped apart. (Carol's turn to give him her attention now)
The thought of losing you...the thought of never having the chance to make up the terrible wrong I'd done to you...I was completely breaking apart inside.

Carol (drops her head):
I'm so sorry...you see, the one thing I didn't think about was anybody else. I was just thinking about me and my problems...I didn't think anybody could help me with my problems or that anybody cared enough to try...

Doug:
I cared! We might not have been together, but, I still cared! I would have helped you...

Carol (nods):
Yeah, I know that now. I probably knew that then, but, I was just too mad at you to think about it.

Doug (ducks his head):
Yeah, I guess I deserved that.

Carol:
After I was better, and we got together...before we got married...I started thinking about what I would have done if it had been you...how I would have felt...and how I would have reacted...and no matter how hard I try, I just can't imagine what that must have been like for you. (Looks at him and smiles weakly)

Doug (touches her face with his hands):
I stood in the doorway of that trauma room and watched Mark and his team working desperately on you and I was felt like someone punched me in the stomach. My first question was 'why'...because you had seemed OK to me that day...joking and everything like you always do. My second question was 'did I do this?' because I knew it hadn't been long since we broke up...and we didn't get along so well in the ER then either.

Carol (sighs):
It was a lot of things together...not any ONE thing. After I went home, I kept hoping you might come to see me...when you didn't, except that one time, I guess I kind of figured it really was over between us...that you didn't love me like I wanted you to...

Doug (shakes his head):
That wasn't it...
(sighs)
I don't know if I should tell you this...I guess it doesn't matter now because everything worked out...while you were recovering, your Mom kind of told me that if you survived this she wanted me to stay out of your life. I guess she figured it was my fault whether you did or not.

Carol (appalled):
She TOLD you that?

Doug (nods):
She told me if you died she was going to hold me responsible...that it was all my fault...

Carol:
Well, no WONDER you blamed yourself, then! And Mama had NO RIGHT to tell you something like that...
(strokes his face with her hand)
...I am so sorry.

Doug (pulls her into his arms):
Come here...I want to show you something...
(he pulls her off the bed and leads her to the mirror)
You see that woman there?
(shows her the reflection in the mirror and she grins)
That's the face of the woman I love...and I never said that word to any other woman in my life. That day in the park when I said I loved you...I meant it...and I knew I meant it...and it scared me to death. I didn't know what to do...
(turns her to face him, Carol smiles)
...but I know now!
(He kisses her softly and smiles at her)

Carol (teasing tone):
Oh really? Show me...

Doug chuckles and scoops her up in his arms. Once her weight in on him, he shakes his head to the twinge of pain that shoots through his back, but, doesn't put her down.

Carol:
You OK?

Doug (starts walking for the bed, Carol wraps her arms around his neck):
Yeah...but you weren't kidding when you said you'd put on a few pounds...

Carol playfully bops him on the head with her hand. He takes her to the bed and lays her down on it, supporting his weight on his elbows to be over top of her.

Carol (looks him in the eye):
Show me how much you love me, Doug...

Doug smiles, then chuckles, then kisses her gently. He kisses her again more aggressively. Then, he just begins to smother her with her body and his kisses as Act Four Fades to Black.

Closing Act

Scene opens still in the master bedroom of the Ross home. The room is dark and the only light is from the window. Focus on Carol as she stares at the ceiling. Doug is snuggled and asleep beside her, the glow of the control panel of his dialysis machine faintly behind him.

*****Flashback*****

Show Carol arguing with Helen several years before.

Helen:
Marry him? Are you crazy!? You don't MARRY men like Doug Ross...

Carol:
I love him, Mama! And he loves me! He told me so!

Helen:
Well, of COURSE he told you so...he's getting what he wants from you...he doesn't want to lose that!

Carol:
What's THAT supposed to mean!?

Helen:
You're sleeping with him, aren't you?

Carol:
Well, yes...but that's none of your business anyway.

Helen:
Well, that's all 'love' is to a man like Doug Ross...

*****Flashback To Present*****

Carol reaches down and toys with a tuft of Doug's hair. She plays it gently in her fingers and smiles at him.

Carol (softly):
Mama couldn't have been more wrong, Doug.

Doug (waking up):
Huh?

Carol (kisses his head):
I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you?

Doug (sits up in bed):
It's OK...I'm getting some pressure from the machine tonight anyway...
(looks at her)
Did you need something?
(Makes a pained face and reaches for his back)

Carol (sits up beside him):
Are you OK?

Doug:
My back is just bothering me a little...

Carol:
Want me to rub it for you?

Doug (shakes his head):
No, right now pressure just makes it worse. Mark took some x-rays...Kerry says there's a small separation of the vertebrae and I should be fine with rest.

Carol:
I hope you're OK in time for the opening.

Doug (Nods):
I will be. I can see it now...I open the wing in my reading glasses because I can't read my speech without them...my grey hair...and my cane!

Carol (giggles):
Well, at least you'll look like an administrator!

Doug (chuckles):
Yeah, I guess.
(Looks at her)
What were you thinking about?

Carol (grins):
My mother.

Doug:
What about Helen?

Carol:
Well, she's never been very fond of you...
(Doug chuckles)
...but she seems to be crazy about you now. I guess you've earned that from her.

Doug (shrugs):
She just had to find out I was serious about the change in my life...

Carol:
Did you change on account of me?

Doug (grins):
You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? Part of it was because of you. I was watching you go from one unhappy relationship to another and I knew you had always been happy with me...you just couldn't stay with me the way I was and I don't blame you for that. I didn't like me very much either. So I got myself into therapy to get some help and started working to change my ways. I had to change, Carol. I was on a self destruction course one way full speed. I was so close to the ground I was going to crash. I was fighting with everybody at the hospital. I was constantly in trouble. I knew unless I wanted to throw my career away I had to do something.

Carol (smiles):
And look at you now.

Doug (smiles back at her):
Look at both of us now!

Carol (rolls her eyes, thinking about the kids):
Look at ALL of us now!
(pause)
Did the kids talk to you about their idea?

Doug (nods):
Yeah...I haven't presented it to the board yet, but, I will. I was really proud of both of them.

Carol (smiles):
They're good kids, Doug. We've done a good job with them so far.

Doug (thinking):
Scotty will be thirteen in a few months...I think our real tests are yet to come!

Carol (snuggles on his shoulder):
Let's don't think about that right now...

Doug (slings his arm around her):
Yeah...we'll be like Scarlett O'Hara and we'll think about that tomorrow...

He puts his head to hers and they cuddle close together as the Closing Act Fades into the Closing Credits of the show.

July 1, 1998