"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Opening Act

Scene opens at the Ross/Hathaway home, interior, night time. Focus on Doug and Carol both sleeping side by side in bed. They are face to face and Doug has his arm resting on Carol's side. Pull close to focus on his face and show he is restless. He twitches his shoulder and nuzzles his head on the pillow. He wraps one arm around his stomach and curls his body into a tight ball. Finally, he wakes up. He keeps his hand on his stomach and pulls himself up into a sitting position. He feels his forehead for fever and rubs his stomach easily. Then, he reaches over and shakes Carol by the shoulder.

Doug (softly):
Carol?
(shakes her shoulders again)
Carol?
(shakes her again and raises his voice a little louder)
Carol! You asleep?

Carol (groans, opens her eyes and peers up at Doug):
Not anymore!
(sits up and tries to wake up)
What's wrong?

Doug (still keeping a hand on his stomach):
Do we have anything for an upset stomach?

Carol (sighs):
I'm sure we probably do.

Doug:
Where is it?

Carol (aggravated but not angry):
It's in the medicine cabinet, Doug! Where it SHOULD be! Where ELSE would it be?

Doug:
Well, what do we have?

Carol (exasperated now looks at the clock):
I don't know what's in there at two o'clock in the morning, Doug! You'll just have to go look!

Doug (ticks his head and nods):
OK.

Doug tosses off the covers and pads across the floor in his shorts and t-shirt. He turns on the bathroom light and shields his eyes from it quickly, letting out a soft groan of discomfort from the bright glow. Focus on Carol, sitting up in bed, leaning her head back against the headboard and closing her eyes as she listens to Doug rummaging around in the bathroom. She sighs and shakes her head, almost knowing what is about to happen. Doug reappears in the doorway, frustrated, and empty handed. He leans on the door facing and looks in at Carol.

Doug:
I can't find anything!

Carol sighs, rolls her eyes, and tosses the covers off her. She picks up her robe off a nearby chair and pulls it around her as she makes her way to the bathroom. She pushes past him quickly, rips open the medicine chest, and pulls out a bottle of Mylanta and hands it to him.

Carol (sarcastically):
Good thing it wasn't a snake...

Doug takes the bottle and looks at it carefully, Carol stops at the door to see what he's doing.

Carol:
What are you doing now?

Doug (matter-of-factly):
I'm looking for an expiration date.

Carol:
I am a NURSE, for God's sake! Do you honestly think I would keep medicine that had expired in this house? With two children living in it?

Doug:
OK! OK!

Carol (motions back to him):
Use the cap to measure the dosage.

Doug (shrugs):
Nah, I'll just do it this way...
(puts the bottle to his mouth and drink the medicine out of the bottle like soda pop)

Carol (rolls her eyes):
Doug! You shouldn't do that! You should take the proper dosage

Doug (puts the bottle back in the medicine chest):
Won't make that much difference.

Doug turns out the light and follows Carol back to bed. They lay back down together and he snuggles close to her.

Carol (reaches over and picks at his hair with her fingertips):
So, what upset your stomach? The tacos?

Doug (nuzzles his head on her shoulder, wraps his arms around her):
Probably. I think my ulcer's acting up.

Carol:
Well, with all the stress you've had lately, I wouldn't be surprised. Does it feel any better now?

Doug:
Yeah, I think so.

Carol:
Maybe you should let Mark look at it.

Doug:
I am NOT going to Mark with a stomach ache. I'll be fine.

Carol:
Well, keep an eye on it, at least, OK? And if it doesn't get better, promise me you'll let Mark look at it?

Doug (nods):
I promise. I'll nurse it myself for a week or so and if I don't see any signs of improvement by then, I'll let Mark look at it. I promise.

Carol (snickers lightly, changes the subject):
Tatchie saw a dog today. We had the 'puppy' conversation again.

Doug:
So, what's wrong with letting them have a dog? We've got a nice yard here, with plenty of space. I don't see anything wrong with it...

Carol:
Oh, Doug, be serious! The way we work? If the kids don't take care of it, the poor thing would be dead inside a month.

Doug:
Well, Scott had a dog in Springfield, so, he knows a few things about responsibility...

Carol:
Why didn't he bring the dog with him?

Doug:
He let his sisters take it. He thought maybe it might help them to have the dog.

Carol (shrugs):
Well, I guess we could think about it...talk about it.

Doug (chuckles):
Give them old standard parent line...'we'll see'?

Carol (smiles):
Yeah.
(rolls her eyes)
God! I used to hate it when my parents said that to me.
(snickers shortly)
All those things I always said I would never do when I had children of my own! All the things I said I'd never say to my daughter...like 'because I said so!'. My mother used to say that to me and it just drove me crazy! I swore I would never say that my children! But, I said that to Tatchie just the other day.
(she suddenly realizes Doug has been very quiet and she looks down at him carefully)
Doug?
(she realizes now he has fallen asleep on her shoulder)
Oh sure, wake me up so you can go back to sleep.

She sighs and pulls the covers up around his shoulders, tucking it around his back carefully. She lays her head down against his and closes her eyes. Focus on Doug carefully opening his eyes. He sees Carol has gone back to sleep. He carefully places his hand to his stomach and winces, trying to fight off pain.

Fade into opening credits of the show.

"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Act One

Scene opens at County ER. Focus on Mark Greene going over paperwork in the staff lounge. Show Doug Ross coming into the lounge and heading for his locker. He rips off his jacket to hang it up inside, but before he does, he takes a bottle of Mylanta out of a brown paper bag and puts it on the shelf of his locker as well.

Doug (acknowledges, finally):
'Morning, Mark!

Mark (doesn't look up...grunts his response):
'Morning.

Doug (almost knowingly):
Something wrong?

Mark:
Oh, just that God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things and right now I am so far behind that I will NEVER be allowed to die!
(Doug chuckles)
I'll never get this paper work caught up.

Doug (offering):
Can I help?

Mark:
You could, if I could afford to pull you off duty and let you just work on it for a day or two and do nothing else. But, I can't do that, either.
(sighs)
I'll just keep taking it home. I'll get it caught up eventually.

Doug:
If I can help, let me know, OK?

Mark:
Thanks, but, I think you've got your hands full at home. You don't need anything added to it right now.
(motions to his locker)
Especially not judging from the bottle on your shelf there.

Doug (shrugs it off):
I think my ulcer may be acting up. A little indigestion. I'm fine.

Mark:
Keep an eye on it.

Doug (nods):
I am.

Cut to show Kerry Weaver suddenly in the doorway.

Kerry (sees Doug):
Oh, good! You ARE here. I got an eighteen month old baby in four with a rash all over his body! Want to come and take a look at him?

Doug (nods):
On my way...

Doug follows Kerry out and she hands him the chart. He makes is way on down to exam four and goes in to find a young mother struggling to hold a squirming toddler on the table.

Doug (cheerfully):
Hi! I'm Dr. Ross. And this is...?

Mother (quickly):
Adam.

Doug (repeats with a nod):
Adam.
(pulls up a stool)
Well, Adam, let's have a look at you.

He takes his stethoscope and listens to the child's chest. The little boy is mesmerized by Doug and pats his face with his chubby little hands all the while Doug is leaning close to him. He moves the stethoscope several times, listen from the child's back and sides as well. Then, he wraps the scope around his shoulders and feels the child with one hand on his neck and one hand on his forehead.

Doug (to the mother):
This come on suddenly?

Mother:
He was fine when I put him to bed last night. When I woke him up this morning, this is how I found him.

Doug (nods):
OK. Yesterday, did anything out of the ordinary happen? Did he eat anything he doesn't normally eat? Did you go someplace you don't usually go? Anything like that?

Mother (shakes her head):
Not that I can think of? Is he going to be all right?

Doug:
Your son is showing signs of an allergic reaction. We'll have to run some patch tests to try and determine what he might be allergic to...

Mother:
Then, that could take some time?

Doug:
I can treat the rash and give him something for that, but, you will need to see your usual pediatrician to set up patch tests and try and nail down what it is he's allergic to, because until you find out what that is, the problem won't go away. That's why I asked if anything different occurred yesterday.

Mother (bewildered):
I'll think real hard...if I can think of something, can I call you later and let you know?

Doug (nods):
Sure!
(fills up a baby oral syringe with medicine and turns back to Adam)
Adam! You're gonna like the taste of this, Buddy! Just like drinking fruit juice!
(he forces the child's mouth open enough to slip the end of the syringe in and inject the medicine, rubbing the child's throat for him to swallow it)
There you go!
(Baby makes a face, but, doesn't spit out the medicine)

Mother (smiles):
Do you have children, Dr. Ross?

Doug (stands up, makes notes on the chart):
Yes, I do. I have son and daughter...neither one of them are that little, though.

Mother (reaches to pick Adam up):
Then, you know what it's like to worry about one of them when they're sick.

Doug (nods with a smile):
Yes...yes, I do.

She carries her child out and Doug walks along behind her. Once out in the hallway, he lays the chart on the counter and joins the conversation there between Mark, Kerry, and Carol, who has arrived for work as well.

Kerry:
Doug! We were just talking about you!

Doug (grins):
I thought my ears were ringing. What'd I do now?

Kerry:
We were discussing wedding dates...don't you think it's about time you two picked one?

Doug (nods):
Yes, I do. Especially after I was recently informed by my Father that my Mother has been going to church and lighting a candle for me every since I moved in with Carol anyway.

Mark (confused):
Lighting a candle?

Doug (sarcastically):
To pray for my soul. I'm living in sin by not being married, you know.

Mark:
If she's worried about your soul, she should have started a long time ago!

Doug (nods, still sarcastically):
Thanks, Mark. I can always count on you.

Mark:
Wait a minute, you said your Father told you this about your Mother? Exactly how does your Father know these things?

Doug (shakes his head):
Don't even go there. Seems my parents have been dating each other for a while.

Carol (brightens):
No kidding? Doug, that's great!

Doug (ticks his head):
Well, that's a matter of opinion. I haven't made up my mind exactly how I feel about it yet.

Carol:
But, they will BOTH get an invitation to the wedding, right?

Doug (sighs, nods):
Yes, of course they will.

Kerry:
Have your parents met the kids yet, Doug?

Doug (nods):
Yes, we all had a very nice family dinner together in the dining room of the Drake.

Mark:
And how did that go?

Doug (sarcastically):
Well, let's just say I managed not to choke on anything.

Carol:
Our latest argument is over whether or not the kids should have a dog...

Mark:
Oh, every kid should have a dog.

Kerry:
Not until they're responsible enough to care for it...

Carol (nods):
Exactly what I said.

Doug (sighs):
One of the many dilemmas of parenthood, I suppose.
(steps away)
Excuse me...I'll be right back.

Doug goes down the hall to the men's room and just barely gets through the door before he doubles over in pain. He wraps one arm around his stomach and supports his body against the wall with his other hand. He leans his head against the wall and gasps in obvious pain, wincing, and trying to straighten out enough to stand up. He takes a couple of short breaths, trying to collect himself, when Mark comes through the door, almost knocking Doug over.

Mark (goes to Doug at once):
Hey! Doug! You OK?

Doug reaches to let Mark help him. With Mark's grip on his arm, Doug is able to straighten out and stand up.

Doug (chuckles):
Whoa! If that keeps up, I may have to see an Internist!

Mark (still has a grip on his arm, concerned look):
Are you sure you're OK?

Doug (nods, nervously):
Yeah, I just felt like I got kicked in the stomach.

Mark:
Want me to take a look at it?

Doug (shakes his head):
Nah, it's OK.

Mark:
I'd feel better if you let me take a look at you.

Doug (getting aggravated now):
Mark, I assure you, if it doesn't get better, I WILL let you look at it. I promise you. OK?

Mark (nods):
Sure, Doug...

Before Mark can say or do anything else, Doug pushes past him and out of the men's room to disappear back into the ER. Mark watches him go with a shake of his head...

Mark (mutters aloud to no one in particular):
Doctors make the worst patients...

Cut scene back to an exam room. Doug is sitting on a stool in front of a young patient...little boy...looks to be about six or seven years old. The boys' father is sitting on the table beside him. The father is very young and very cheerful, but the child has his arms folded across his chest and his mouth clenched shut.

Doug:
Come on, Tommy, open up...
(child shakes his head emphatically)
It won't hurt a bit...I promise.
(another 'no' response)
Look, your Dad will show you how easy it is.
(Doug moves the tongue depressor toward the startled father)

Father:
Oh, yeah, sure! Watch this, Tommy! Nothing to it!

The father opens his mouth and lets Doug look inside, under the close watchful eye of Tommy, who never takes his eyes off what is going on.

Father (as Doug removes the tongue depressor):
There, see? Nothing to it! Now it's your turn...

Doug gets a fresh tongue depressor from the tray and starts again towards the child. With a quick glance at his father, who gives him a coaxing look, the little boy opens his mouth and allows Doug to do the exam.

Doug (once the exam is over):
There, that wasn't so bad was it?
(Tommy shakes his head reluctantly)
I'm recommending you both be admitted.

Father (shocked):
What?
Doug (nonchalantly):
Quite frankly, Mr. Darian, your tonsils are in worse shape than your son's.

Father (laughing):
You're kidding me, right?

Doug (shakes his head):
Nope! I'm recommending you both be admitted and scheduled for surgery as soon as possible.

Father:
I want a second opinion.

Doug (nods):
You have that right. But, I'll keep two beds open, just in case you come back.

Doug makes notes on the chart and starts out of the room. The father and son start out slowly behind him and meet back up with him in the hallway.

Father (reluctantly):
Go ahead and get those beds ready, Dr. Ross. I just need to call my wife...

Doug (nods with a smile):
Sure.

He takes his son by the hand and goes on off down the hall. Mark stands beside Doug in wonder of what must be going on.

Mark:
You're admitting the father AND the son?

Doug:
Yep! The father's tonsils were worse than the son's.

Mark (pats Doug on the back gently):
You never cease to amaze me, Doug...

Doug (nonchalantly as Mark starts away):
Sometimes I even amaze myself...

Doug chuckles lightly and makes notes on his chart before pitching it on the desk and starting away.

Fade Act One to Black.

"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Act Two

Scene opens in the ER at the front desk. Carol is working on the computer and Doug is standing close by to her. Mark is there, with Maggie Doyle and John Carter...everybody is working on something.

Doug (nonchalantly):
So, do we go with a Pedigree or do we just go down to the pound and adopt a homeless animal?

Carol (emphatically):
Doug! We are NOT getting a dog!

Doug (nods):
OK, OK! We're not...but, if we were going to...what kind of dog would we get?

Carol (catching on to his act):
Oh, no you don't! I'm not playing THAT game with you! We will talk about this later when we have time to go over the details of it better, all right?

Doug (nods):
Sure.

Carol gathers up a few things and starts down the hall with them. Doug stays behind with Mark and the others.

Mark (offers):
I'd go with a pound puppy...mixed breed, mongrel type. They really make the best pets.

Carter (offering as well):
Yeah, they come with a spay/neuter policy and everything now. Really a good program.

Maggie (scoffs):
Didn't any of you listen to a word Carol said? I distinctly heard her say 'no dog'...am I the only one who heard that?

Doug (grins):
No, I heard that...I just didn't pay a whole lot of attention to it!

Mark, Carter, and Doug laugh at the joke...Maggie merely shakes her head with a frown.

Cut scene to the staff lounge - time lapse. Show Doug reaching into his locker and taking out the bottle of Mylanta. He turns the bottle up and drinks from it quickly, and gets caught that way by Mark, who comes into the lounge for coffee.

Mark:
Better be careful. That stuff will give you another problem you don't want.

Doug (nods):
Yeah, I know. I'm being careful.

Mark:
Stomach bothering you?

Doug:
A little.

Mark:
Are you sure it's your ulcer?

Doug:
Yeah, there's nothing else it could be. It actually started bugging me a while back. Let's face it, Mark...I've had a little bit of stress in my life recently!

Mark (agrees):
Yeah, I understand that. Still, even if it is just an ulcer, don't play around with it too long. It could perforate and cause more severe problems than what you've already got.

Doug (nods):
Yeah, I know. I'm watching it, Mark. Don't worry.

Mark:
You know, Doug, Doctors make lousy patients...because you're not as apt to think something bad is wrong with yourself and you might not be as thorough as you would be with any other patient.

Doug (nods again):
I know you're right.

Mark (offers):
I'll be glad to take a look at it...

Doug (cuts him off by rolling his eyes):
Mark, trust me, if I need you, I KNOW where to find you.

Doug bangs the door open with the palms of his hands and goes on out into the ER. Mark is left behind holding his coffee and shaking his head.

Cut scene to show Doug and Carol standing together on the hospital roof. The wind is blowing Carol's hair about her face and her scrub top is pressed tight against her from the force of the wind. Doug is leaning on the rail looking out over the city...the wind also blowing his scrub top and lightly tossing his short strands of bangs. Carol leans on the rail with him and looks out in the same direction he is looking.

Carol:
What are you thinking about?
(rolls her eyes)
And DON'T say a puppy.

Doug (grins):
I was just thinking that we really DO need to set a wedding date and get married for real. And that I think we're just dragging our feet because we both know we're already married.

Carol (nods):
You could be right. I know we had a lot of things happen pretty close to each other for a while, but, things seem to be settled down now. You're talking to a Priest, right?

Doug (nods):
Father Aaron, yes. We've had several sessions and talked about a lot of things.

Carol (smiles):
Well, then, I guess it's about time I got myself to see him too. Have you been to Mass?

Doug (shakes his head):
No, not yet.

Carol:
Well, I'll call him and go talk to him. I'm sure he'll want to talk to us together. Then, we'll see about getting the kids in CCD and see if we can't find time to go to Mass as a family. Will that be OK with you?

Doug (nods):
I'll do my best.

Carol:
I see why you and Mark come up here. It's really peaceful up here.

Doug:
It's private. That's the most important part.
(he turns to her and takes her by the shoulders)
It's the only place in the hospital I'd feel safe enough to do this...
(he takes her in his arms and kisses her sweetly)
Haven't gotten to do that for a while. We've barely seen each other except here at work lately.

Carol (smiles weakly):
Yeah, I know.
(she rubs his shoulders briskly)
I've missed you. Just a short while ago, it was just you and me and our hospital schedule. Now, it's you, and me, our hospital schedules, Tatchie's dance class, Scott's hockey camp... (pauses and rolls her eyes)
And YOU want to add a puppy to all that?
(Doug chuckles)

Doug:
Well, you know what they say, the more the merrier!

Carol:
How's your stomach?

Doug:
It's OK.

Carol:
Still hurting?

Doug:
I'm keeping an eye on it. Between you and Mark, I don't stand a chance...

They are interrupted by Doug's beeper going off. He takes a look at it and he and Carol head back across the roof to return to the ER.

As soon as Doug is back in the ER, Mark is handing him a chart.

Mark:
Got a ten year old in two, ice skating injury, can't get the skate off...

Doug (snatches chart):
I got it.

Doug takes the chart and goes into the exam room. He finds a ten year old boy sitting on the exam table with an ice skate on one foot and the other foot in a tennis shoe. With him is a young woman that Doug gives an uncertain look to.

Doug:
Are you his mother?

Girl:
Absolutely not! I'm his sister, Deanna. But, I'm over 18 and I can sign for you to cut his leg off if you have to...

Boy (desperately to Doug):
You won't have to do that, will you?

Doug (shakes his head with a chuckle):
I'm sure we can take care of this without anything quite that drastic.
(smiles weakly at the boy)
What's your name.

Todd:
Todd.

Doug (starts working on loosening Todd's skate):
Ice skate a lot, do you?

Todd (nods):
Every chance I get...

Deanna:
Is this gonna take long? I have a date to get ready for...

Todd:
So, go on home, already! Don't worry about me! I'm sure I know the way!

Doug:
Hey, hey! You two, cut it out, OK?
(turns back to Todd)
OK, I've got this thing as loose as I can make it but you're still pretty swollen in there. What I'm gonna do is go get somebody who can cut the leather and split this thing so we can peel it off so we can x-ray your foot and see how bad it is, OK?

Todd (nervously):
OK.
(Doug starts out of the room and Todd gives him a desperate look)
You're Scott's father, aren't you?

Doug (turns back and nods with a smile):
Yes, I am. You know my son?

Todd (smiles):
Yeah, we skate together at Black Hawks camps. I'll do whatever you say, Dr. Ross. Scott says you're a real smart doctor.

Doug:
I'll have to remember to thank him for that.

Doug nods and goes on out the door to Mark.

Doug:
I need somebody who can cut that skate off his foot. I don't think it's broken...I think it's just a real bad sprain, but, I need to get that skate off it.

Mark (nods):
I'll send Carter in there...he's a pretty solid cutter.

Doug (nods):
OK...somebody just let me know when it's off, OK?

Mark:
Sure.

Under the watchful eye of Mark, Doug goes down the hall and into the Men's room. Once through the doors, Doug practically doubles over in pain, but he is rubbing his arm, not his stomach. He presses a hand to his chest and starts to sink to his knees, but, catches himself on the wall with one hand as he's falling. He braces himself and winces in pain, breathing short shallow breaths trying to recover. He hears someone coming through the door and quickly stands up to give the appearance of full recovery and grabs a paper towel to make it look like he is drying his hands. Mark comes in just as Doug acts like he is starting out.

Mark:
You OK down here?

Doug (pushes past him and starts out the door):
Fine...

Mark:
Carter has the skate off your little patient...

Doug:
On my way...

Mark watches him go with a shake of his head. Follow Doug through the ER as he heads back to his patient, but, show that his face is reflecting signs of obvious pain. He goes into the room and Carter is displaying the x-rays. Doug stands with Carter and looks them over carefully.

Carter:
Well, you were right...it's not broken...just a real severe sprain.

Doug:
Yeah.
(rubs his arm and massages the shoulder gently, wincing in pain, but, recovers)
Let's just put him in a soft cast and give him some crutches and pain pills. He should be fine.

Carter:
OK...you want to take it back over?

Doug (shakes his head):
Uh, no, Carter, you go ahead and wrap this up, OK?

Carter (nods):
Sure!

Doug walks out of the room as quickly as he can, rubbing his arm as he goes. He goes straight across the hall to the staff lounge and heads for his locker. He rips it open and reaches for the bottle of Mylanta, but, before he can reach it, he is overcome with pain. He goes down heavy on one knee, clutching his chest with his hand pressed solidly against him. He lets out a soft groan as he hits his knee. His groan alerts Carol, standing outside the door at the desk, and she pushes open the door quickly. She sees Doug doubled over and on one knee and rushes to him quickly.

Carol (touches his shoulder):
Doug!
(turns over her shoulder)
I need some help in here! I need a gurney! And somebody find Dr. Greene! STAT!
(strokes Doug's face gently)
It's gonna be OK, Doug...just take it easy...

Doug (gasping for air):
Carol...I think I'm having a heart attack...

Focus on Doug's expression of pain and Carol's expression of fear and fade Act Two to Black.

"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Act Three

Scene opens in an ER exam room. Show Doug being wheeled into the room on a gurney, with Carol and Carter attending him on the run. Mark is waiting for them in the trauma room and they begin working on Doug at once.

Mark:
OK! What happened?

Carol (shakes her head):
I don't know! I wasn't with him. I just heard him groan and when I went into the lounge, he was down on one knee...

Mark (standing over Doug, loosening his scrub top):
Doug? What happened, Buddy?

Doug (rolls his head to one side, groaning in obvious discomfort):
I can't breathe, Mark...I can't get any air...

Mark (nods):
OK! OK! We'll take care of it...
(motions to Carter)
Give Dr. Ross some oxygen, Carter...

Carter (grabs oxygen mask):
Got it...
(Carter reaches for the oxygen mask and secures it on Doug's face quickly)

Doug (groaning):
My arm hurts, Mark...

Mark (nods):
It's OK, Doug...

Doug (rolls his head to one side):
I'm gonna be sick...
(Carol grabs a bedpan and places it by Doug's head just as he begins to vomit...she is in time to catch it with the pan)

Carol (reads from the machine):
BP 195/108...

Mark:
Calm down, Doug...it's gonna be OK...

Doug (weakly):
Am I having a heart attack...?

Mark:
I don't know yet, Bud, but, if you are, you're in the perfect place to have it, OK? Just relax...
(motions to Carter)
Draw Blood Gases, Carter...
(motions to Carol)
Get me an EKG reading...

Doug groans heavily as Carter inserts the needle into his hand for blood gases...he tries to pull his hand away from the onset of pain, but, Carter has a strong hold on his wrist, securing him in place for the procedure. Carol cuts the scrubs top down the middle and peels it away, exposing Doug's bare chest, and she quickly grabs the chain with his wedding ring and slips the clasp loose, then she slaps the pads for the EKG electrodes on his skin and places the ring in the pocket of her scrub top. Doug groans and rolls his head to one side...he is a great deal of pain and discomfort and unable to be consoled.

Carol (watching monitor):
No arythmia...pattern is normal...

Mark (shakes his head):
Then, it's not his heart...we'll have to get the results of the gases back to be sure but I'd say the heart is OK...
(pauses)
Doug? Just try and relax, OK? We're gonna have to try and find out what's wrong...

Carol (looks at Mark):
He's been having stomach problems...could that have anything to do with this?

Mark (shrugs):
Not sure about his arm hurting so much...could have something to do with the shortness of breath, though...
(places his hands over Doug's abdomen)
Doug, let me know if this hurts, OK?
(he presses down lightly but Doug hardly responds. Mark shakes his head)
If it were his ulcer, that should have generated some kind of a reaction...
(turns back to Doug, presses on the abdomen again)
That doesn't hurt?

Doug (shakes his head):
No...

Mark (listens to Doug's chest with his stethoscope):
Are you breathing any easier?

Doug (nods):
A little.

Mark:
OK, can you tell me where it hurts?

Doug (groans):
All over...

Mark (places his hands higher on Doug's chest):
What about here...this hurt?

Mark presses down lightly at the base of Doug's rib cage. The pain is so intense that Doug bolts upright and nearly comes completely off the table. Carter and Carol quickly steady him back down on the table and Mark never takes his hands off his chest.

Mark:
Take it easy, Doug...let me see what we've got here...

Mark presses down again, a little harder this time and Doug groans, rolls his head to one side, flinches, and winces, but, stays on the table with the force of Carol and Carter still pinning him down.

Mark (presses lightly again):
That hurts?

Doug (groaning):
YES! God, Yes! Mark, please, stop, OK?

Mark:
OK, Doug, OK, let's see what we've got here...
(turns to Carter)
Get me an ultrasound reading as quickly as possible...
(Carter nods and exits quickly to find the machine)
How's the BP now?

Carol (looks at machine):
Still elevated...180/105...

Mark:
Breathing any easier, Doug?

Doug (shakes his head):
Not really...

Carter (coming into room pulling machine with him):
Here's the ultrasound machine, Dr. Greene...

Mark (nods):
Thanks, Carter...

Mark applies gel to the gun of the machine and smears Doug's stomach and abdomen with the cool, gooey settling. Then, he gently runs the machine over Doug's chest, stomach, and abdomen, carefully watching the monitor.

Mark:
Here's your culprit, Doug...take a look...

Doug looks over at the monitor and rolls his eyes.

Doug (softly):
Gallstones?

Mark (nods):
Uh huh...your problem is stemming from the fact that one has lodged in the bile duct

Doug (rolls his head back on the table):
Oh, God...

Mark (to Carter):
Who's on call for surgery?

Carter:
Pretty sure it's Dr. Benton tonight...

Mark:
Would you get him down here, please?

Carter (nods):
Right away...

Mark (to Carol):
BP reading now?

Carol:
165/100

Mark (pats Doug's shoulder comfortingly):
Atta boy, Doug...you just keep calming down.

Cut to show Peter Benton banging through the doors and into the room with everyone else. He stops at the table, a little surprised to see Doug lying there on it.

Benton:
What have we got?

Mark (directs Peter's attention to the ultrasound):
Take a look...multiple Gallstones...

Benton takes a look at the ultrasound and runs the gun over Doug's stomach a little bit himself, looking carefully.

Benton:
You must be having a lot of pain...

Doug (bites his lip):
Yeah...

Benton:
Ok, what we can do is take you in for an exploratory lap. If I can take care of it that way, I will, but, if I can't, then we'll be in position to just do a full incision...

Doug (groans, but nods):
OK...how soon?

Benton:
Hurting you pretty bad, huh?
(Doug nods slowly)
OK...let's get you upstairs...
(to Mark)
Go ahead and prep him...I'm on my way up...

Mark (nods):
He's right behind you.

Carol stands close by and reaches for Doug's hand carefully. He takes hold of her hand and smiles weakly at her.

Doug:
It'll be OK.

Carol (smiles sadly):
I know.

Cut to show Chuny pushing open the door and directing her words to Carol.

Chuny:
Carol? Your kids are here...

Doug (pleading):
Don't let them see me like this, OK? I don't want to scare them.

Carol (pats his shoulder):
OK...let me just go talk to them a minute and I'll walk you upstairs, OK?

Doug nods. Mark comes to the side of the table with a syringe in his hand. He carefully rolls Doug onto his side to give him the injection to prep him for surgery. Doug winces against the pain and mutters a soft 'ouch' as the needle plunges into hip. He rolls back to rest quietly on the table and waits to be taken upstairs.

Cut to show Carol in the hallway with Helen, who has picked up Scott and Tatiana at school and delivered them there.

Carol (smiles weakly):
Hey! How was school?

Scott:
Good!

Tatiana (nods):
Yeah! Good!

Helen (hands Carol an envelope):
This came at the house...it looked important so I thought I'd better bring it.

Carol glances quickly at the return addresses and sees it is from a law office. She nods to Helen and puts the envelope in the pocket of her scrub coat.

Scott (senses):
Something's wrong...

Carol (confidently):
Nothing serious! Don't be afraid! Your Dad is just going to have to have some surgery.

Tatiana:
What's surgery?

Scott:
That's where they cut you open with a knife!

Tatiana (makes a face):
Is it gonna hurt him?

Scott (shakes his head):
No, he'll be asleep.
(to Carol)
So, what do they have to take out?

Carol:
His Gall Bladder, probably. He's got some stones and they're going to go in an see if they can save it, but, from the looks of the ultrasound, he'll most likely lose it.

Tatiana:
Papa has stones in him?

Scott:
Not the kind of stones you throw in the lake, though...he'll be OK!

Tatiana:
How do you know?

Scott (shrugs):
Dennis had kidney stones, and he was OK.

Tatiana:
Can we see Papa?

Carol:
Not just now, OK? You can see him in a little bit, OK?
(Tatiana nods)

Scott:
Who's doing the surgery?

Carol:
Dr. Benton is going to do it.

Scott:
He pretty good?

Carol (smiles):
Yeah, he's real good. I'm gonna go back and walk up to surgery with your Dad, OK? I'll see you guys in a little bit. Stay with Nannaw, OK?

Both children nod that they understand and Carol slips back to the room where Doug is resting. Focus on Scott as he turns his attention to Helen quickly.

Scott:
I'll be right back, OK? I have to go to the bathroom.

Helen (nods):
OK, but, don't be gone long.

Scott:
I won't.

Follow Scott as he makes his way through the hall. He comes upon a nurse he knows will not recognize him and he hear him ask her 'excuse me, but where would I find Dr. Benton?' and she points the way for him. Follow him on through the hall and into the elevator. Show him getting off the elevator and inching down the hall, looking around for Peter carefully.

Benton (voices booms behind Scott):
Hey, kid! What are you doing up here?

Scott (whirls around quickly, startled):
I'm looking for Dr. Benton.

Benton:
I'm Dr. Benton...who are you?

Scott:
You're gonna do the operation on my Dad?

Benton (surprised):
Doug Ross?
(Scott nods quickly)
You're Doug Ross' kid?
(Scott nods again)
Yeah, I'm doing the surgery.

Scott:
He's gonna be OK, isn't he?

Benton (nods slowly):
Yeah, he should be. He's in good physical health. Shouldn't be a problem for him.

Scott:
How long will it take?

Benton (shrugs):
Should take about an hour and a half. Somewhere close to that.

Scott:
OK.
(starts walking slowly away)
Thanks.
(just as he gets to the elevator, Scott turns back to Peter quickly)
Dr. Benton?

Benton (turns back to face Scott):
What is it now, kid?

Scott:
I'm going to Church and light a candle for my Dad...is it OK if I light one for you, too?

Benton (thinks a minute, then nods):
If you think God listens to you, kid, sure...go ahead...

Focus on Scott as he gets into the elevator, pushes the button, and stands watching Peter until the doors shut and close them off and Fade Act Three to Black.

"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Act Four

Scene opens in the hallway of the ER. Carol is walking slowly down the hallway toward Helen and Tatiana. She closes her hand around Doug's wedding ring in her pocket before she stops with her mother and her daughter.

Tatiana (looks up at Carol):
Is Papa going to be OK?

Carol (smiles at her...touches her hair):
Papa's going to be fine. You'll see him soon.
(turns to Helen)
Where's Scott?

Helen:
He wanted to go to Church and light a candle...

Carol (almost alarmed):
You didn't let him go by himself, did you?

Helen (smiles):
No, that nice young Dr. Carter went with him.
(Carol nods...she and Helen talk quietly)
Doug will be all right, won't he?

Carol (nonchalantly):
Oh, yeah, he'll be fine. It's just been a really crazy day.

Helen (puts her arm around Carol and speaks softly to her):
I would suppose it's a draining experience for you to have to watch something be wrong with your husband, isn't it?

Carol (gives her a sudden look):
Husband?

Helen (smiles with a scoff):
I've suspected for a while, now.

Carol (sighs):
We got married in Winnetka several months ago. It was a real sudden thing. We didn't plan it that way.

Helen (smiles):
Sometimes that's the best way.
(pause)
Are you happy?

Carol (nods):
Yeah.
(smiles)
In a crazy, mixed up, unorganized sort of way, I really am! And we're going to get married for real in the church and everything, we just have to have time to get it all together. Seems like everytime we start getting things straightened out, something else happens! And, I just hate it when something is wrong with Doug...and I missed all the warning signs with this...missed them or ignored them! Now, he's in surgery...

Helen:
That's why medical personnel shouldn't work on family. You don't want to think something serious is wrong with someone you love so much.

Carol (nods):
Yeah.

Helen (puts her arm around Carol and squeezes her shoulders):
Well, tell me about this dog you're going to get...

Carol (rolls her eyes and groans):
I don't care what the kids told you, we are NOT getting a dog!

Helen (pats her shoulder and smiles):
Whatever you say, Dear...

Cut scene to show focus on Doug lying in a hospital bed. He is resting fairly easily, no tubes or anything connecting him to anything. Show Mark come into his room and stop by his bed to talk to him.

Mark:
How are you feeling?

Doug (nods):
Better.

Mark:
Now you know why doctors make lousy patients, don't you?

Doug (shrugs):
I missed all the warning signs. I never once suspected gallstones!

Mark:
That's because you weren't as thorough with yourself as you would have been with another patient.

Doug:
I suppose...

Mark:
Now, are you up to a few visitors?

Doug (grins):
Only if two of them are less than four feet tall!

Mark (grins):
You got it...

Mark goes to the door and opens it for Carol, who comes in with Scott and Tatchie. To show time lapse, Tatchie is now dressed for ballet class in her pink tights, shoes, and leotard and Doug smiles when he sees her.

Doug:
I missed ballet class, huh?

Carol:
Don't worry...Scott videotaped it for you.

Scott:
How you feeling, Dad?

Doug (nods):
Lots better.

Tatiana:
Papa, want to see me peer the vet?

Doug gives Carol a bewildered look

Carol (quietly):
Pirouette.

Doug (brightens his look with a nod):
Sure, Sweetie...show me...

Tatchie puts one finger on her head and spins lopsided in a small circle near Doug's bed. All three family members applaud her effort with a smile.

Carol:
OK, you've seen your Dad and you know he's OK now, I think it's time for kids to leave and Mom to have some time alone, OK?

Scott:
Gotcha...
(takes his sister by the hand)
Let's go, Tatch! The grownups want to neck a while...

Carol playfully smacks Scott in the back of the head as he starts out of the room with Tatchie, ad libbing 'you get more like your father every day' to him. Once they are gone, Carol sits on the edge of Doug's bed and takes his wedding ring out of her pocket and hold it up for him to see.

Carol (slips the ring around his neck):
Here...you can have this back now...

Doug:
Thanks! I was wondering where that was!

Carol nervously reaches into her pocket and takes out the letter Helen brought to her earlier.

Doug (groans):
Oh no! NOW what?

Carol:
I don't know. Mama brought it to me this afternoon.

Doug:
Well, open it...and if it's bad news, just kill me now, OK?

Carol opens the letter and scans over it, her eyes reflecting happiness and she smiles lightly.

Carol (reading):
...therefore, please find enclosed the amended birth certificate for Scott Douglas Ross...

Doug (smiles wide, reaches to see the certificate):
It went through! Fred and Kate didn't protest it!

Carol:
He's legally a Ross now.

Doug:
Well, don't wait for me to get home to tell him this, OK? Go ahead and let him see this tonight. He's been asking about this every day.

Carol (nods):
OK! I'll give it to him as soon as we get him. (pauses, strokes his face with the palm of her hand carefully)
Are you OK?

Doug (takes her hand from his face and kisses the palm of it sweetly):
I'm fine.

Carol:
You scared me to death today. I thought you were having a heart attack, too.

Doug:
I just missed all the signs...

Carol:
And so did I! I should know better than that! I should THINK faster than that...

Doug (sighs):
I guess we both learned a thing or two about ethics, huh?

Carol (looks at her watch):
Well, I traded off with Malik tonight. Mama will stay with the kids. I want to be here in case you need me, so, I'm going to take them home and then I'll be back, OK?

Doug (nods):
OK...

Cut to show time lapse. By the time Carol gets back, Peter Benton is in Doug's room with him.

Benton:
v We were able to save the gallbladder...but, you had multiple stones...

Doug (nods):
I missed all the warning signs, Peter. But, now that I've had this adventure, I'll know what to watch for again.

Benton (nods):
Well, as your surgeon, I'm releasing you to return to work on Monday...stay away from spicy foods...walk as much as you can and get plenty of fluids...you shouldn't have any problems. Check with Dr. Greene, though, before returning to work full time...at least, I assume he is your attending?

Doug (nods):
Yeah. He is. Thanks, Peter...

Benton nods and goes on out. Carol stays alone with Doug for just a minute.

Doug (smiles):
Did you give Scott his new birth certificate?

Carol:
I should have saved it for you to give it to him. I've never seen one kid so excited over anything in my life!

Carol has kept her hands behind her back while waiting for Peter to leave. She pulls her hands out in front of her and she is holding a teddy bear in her hands.

Carol:
Tatchie sent this to you. When I told her you had to stay overnight, she thought you might need someone to stay with you.

Doug chuckles lightly and reaches for the bear, letting Carol tuck it under the covers close beside him.

Doug (sighs):
God, Carol...what's happened to us?

Carol (smiles):
I'm not sure...but whatever it is, I think I like it!
(kisses his forehead quickly)
I've got to get to work, OK? Buzz me if you need me.

Once Carol is gone, focus on Doug as he drops his head to rest it on the teddy bear with a sigh and fade act four to black.

"Doctors Make The Worst Patients"

Closing Act

Scene opens at County ER. Carol is working at the front desk with Mark at the computer. Things are relatively quiet for a day in the ER.

Mark:
So, how is Doug recovering?

Carol:
He's doing well. I think he's actually enjoying getting to spend some time with the kids. He's taking them to school, and picking them up...I think he's even met a couple of their teachers.

Mark:
And I hope he got to go to dance class this time?

Carol (laughs):
Yeah, he got to take Tatchie to dance...

Mark (snickers):
You'll make a 'Daddy' out of him yet, Carol.

Carol:
He's doing really well with being 'Daddy'. Really.

Mark:
What about Tatiana? Have you ever become 'Mama' to her?

Carol (smiles):
Actually, yes! I think she got a little coaching on that from Doug! But, it doesn't matter how she started...I'm just thrilled she calls me that now.

Mark (looks at his watch):
We're off in five minutes...big plans for tonight?

Carol:
I think I'm being walked home by my family and then we're going out to dinner.

Mark (sighs):
Sounds very nice.

Carol:
You'd be welcome to join us if you'd like...

Mark:
I just might take you up on that if you're sure Doug won't mind...

Carol:
Doug's been with kids all day...he'll be glad for adult company!

Mark (truthfully):
I'll just be glad to get him back to work!

Carol:
He'll be glad to get here, I'm sure!

Cut to show Scott coming through the doors and up to the desk to stop where Mark and Carol are working.

Carol (smiles):
Well, hello, Master Ross! Are you my escort for the evening?

Scott (smiles wide):
Yeah. Dad said I could walk you out.

Carol:
Well, Dr. Greene is going to join us, is that going to be OK?

Scott:
Sure!

Carol and Mark gather up their things and start out the door with Scott. They get through the doors to find Doug and Tatiana waiting for them out in the alley from the back entrance. Tatiana is bouncing with enthusiasm the second she sees Carol. Scott walks slowly, a step or two behind Carol, waiting for a reaction. When Carol gets all the way into the clearing, she sees that Doug is holding a leash in his hands. Sitting at his feet, at the end of the leash, is a floppy eared puppy, looking at Carol and enthusiastically thumping its tail.

Carol (groans):
Oh, my God! Doug! What have you done!?

Doug (shrugs):
We went down to the pound to just look! This little guy just kind of captured us. We couldn't leave him.

Tatiana (pleading):
Can we keep him, Mama?? PLEASE!

Scott:
I'll help take care of him! I'll feed him every day and I'll walk him after school! I promise!

Doug (picks dog up and holds it in Carol's face):
Tell me you could resist this...

Carol (sighs):
Does he have a name? I won't have a dog without a name!

Doug (grins):
Well, we talked it over between us and we finally decided on Scrubs.

Carol (rolls her eyes):
Scrubs?

Doug (shrugs):
Well, it's better than Hippocrates!

Carol:
Oh, God! Yes! I'd have to say it's better than that, at least!

Mark (reaches over to rub the dog's head):
Hi, Scrubs! Personally, I think that's a perfect name for a doctor's dog!

Tatiana (looks up at Carol with her face full of wonder):
So, we can keep him?

Carol (sighs):
Yes, of course we can keep him!

The kids chorus approval and Scott takes the leash from dog as they run ahead with the puppy running happily along behind them. Mark and Carol walk slowly with Doug.

Carol:
You did that on purpose, didn't you? You knew if you just went to the pound and got a dog I wouldn't be able to resist when I saw it, didn't you?

Doug (ticks his head):
The thought occurred to me, yes.
(puts his arm around her)
I guess I know you pretty well after all.

Carol:
I thought we were going out to dinner?

Doug (looks at Mark):
Mark and I can go get it and bring it home. You can use the time to get better acquainted with Scrubs...

Carol:
I suppose he's sleeping on our bed?

Doug (chuckles):
Only if he's VERY lucky...I really think the kids will take turns with him for a while...

Carol:
How old is he?

Doug:
Nine weeks. He's got a neuter agreement and already had a vet check up and his puppy shots. He's great.

Mark:
Two kids...an iguana...and now a dog...the Ross family grows again.

Doug (nods):
Yeah, now, if we just get married, we'll be all set...

Carol (protests):
We ARE married, thank you...

Doug (nonchalantly):
You know what I mean...

Mark chuckles and Carol punches Doug's arm playfully and the kids rush back with Scrubs to walk towards the house together.

Fade Closing Act into the end credits of the show.

August 26. 1997