This story is not in my usual line. And it's sort of in my short story line and sort of not. This story is the beginning of a turn of events adventure for Doug and Carol set back in the second season. There will be several more pieces to this story and they will come one at at time. I'm so distraught with the real ER and I'm so mad at Carol I could choke her so I thought maybe writing was the only escape right now.

Sorry for the LONG delays. I've been ill but I'm finally on the mend! I dropped almost 20 pounds in one week, tho, and that's not good! It's nothing connected to the kidneys, tho, so, don't panic. It was just a virus and I'm feeling much better now.

Hope you like this story. It's a little bit different.

Robin
"ER"
"Darkest Hours"

Author’s Note:

This story does not follow my usual story line. This story would be set around the HELL AND HIGH WATER era of ER in the second season...when Doug was completely out of control. This particular story would take place after the run in between Doug and Neil Bernstien, when Doug was told his Fellowship would not be renewed, yet still before the incident with Ben Larson and the storm drain heroic rescue that saved his job. This is not something that did happen on the actual series, but, maybe it could have.

This story is the first in a line of several.

The characters in this story are not mine and no money is made by me for the use of them in this story.

Robin

Carol:

Doug was already on a self destructive one way street before Bernstien dressed him down in the ER hallway. I didn’t know Neil personally, but he seemed to have a chip on his shoulder where Doug was concerned. He wanted his Pediatric doctors to work upstairs with him...and in the clinic. He was not thrilled with Doug being on his staff and working in the ER. But, Doug’s specialty was ER Medicine, so, the ER was where he needed to be. And he was needed there. Doug was a good doctor. He was very caring and kind with his patients, with a gentle bedside manner, a warm smile, and a friendly voice. He had a way of calming even the most frightened child in just seconds and in the ER, that was a very important quality to have. But, away from the children, Doug was either completely standoffish and isolated, or clashing with another ER doctor. I had stood at the front desk more than once and watched him argue with anyone he could over anything at all. He was cross, and irritable, and argumentative and he was making decisions that showed he wasn’t thinking clearly at all...or else he just wanted to go against somebody. I couldn’t tell if he was actually trying to get himself fired or not, but when Neil lowered the boom on him and told him his Fellowship would not be renewed, he seemed to completely bottom out. Our brief conversation about it had ended with him telling me it was time for him to move on, but I didn’t believe that. He seemed so devastated...like his whole world had just come to an end. I had told him if he wanted to talk he could call me...he said he would...but I knew he wouldn’t. He had become very distant in my life since my wedding to Tag fell through. Even though he had come to the church to offer me encouraging words to get over my hurt, and had been the only person who knew anything at all to say to me at one of the most awkward times of my life, after that, he seemed to back away. Now, I had Shep in my life...someone who made me feel alive and happy....and Doug never had much to say anymore.

I left the hospital late after a very long shift. And I was glad to get away into the evening air. I took the El train to my new home...it was still under repair but it was able to be lived in at least. And it was mine. And it was quiet. And I could be alone there. I was already thinking about curling up under a blanket with a good movie when I started down the steps of the platform that emptied just a few short yards from my front steps! I got to the bottom and started to dash across the street when something caught my eye.

"Is someone there?" I called softly into the dark. No answer. I peered a little closer. "Hello?" I called again into the dark. Again, no answer.

I walked around the railing supports of the platform to venture underneath the supports to follow a sound I was hearing. It was a gasping sound. A sound of someone struggling either to breathe or get to their feet. Being a nurse, I thought maybe I could help. I came around a railing support and was shocked at what I saw. There, in front of me, clinging to the post, with his head leaning over the other side and throwing up, was Doug Ross. I went to him carefully, so as not to startle him, and touched his shoulder carefully.

"Doug?" I asked him calmly. "Are you all right?"

"I’m fine" came his hoarse and gasping reply.

"What are you doing to yourself?" I asked him as I spun him around to face me. His face was red from aspirations and his eyes were dull and set back in his face. And he smelled heavily of whiskey. "How much did you have to drink?" I demanded from him in a short tone.

"I don’t remember" he shook his head. "Too much, obviously"

"Well, come on" I pulled him with me and headed back for the platform steps.

"Where are we going?" he gave me a confused look.

"I’m taking you home" I told him shortly.

"I’ll be OK" he pulled his arm back out of my grasp and clung back to the post.

"I’m not leaving you here...you either go with me and let me take you home or I’ll call Mark to come and take you back to the hospital"

"I’m already in enough trouble with Mark for one day" he shook his head. "I’ll go home"

He went with me willingly, but he never said another word. All the ride on the El to his stop he just sat beside me and stared out the window. His eyes were sad...and dull...almost listless...as he kept them fixed on the darkness cut by street lights that whizzed by. I had to keep my arm around him to keep him from falling as I headed him for his apartment building. We got to his door and I reached for his key...I knew he always kept it in his coat pocket. I got him in and to his bedroom, pulled his shoes off him and flipped him onto the bed.

"Sleep it off, Doug" I told him flatly. "I’ll see you at work"

I left his apartment wanting desperately to be angry with him. But, all I could do was worry. I’d known Doug Ross a long time...and I’d never seen him like this. I’d seen him drink, yes, but never so destructively.

And the next day at work, he didn’t even stop by my desk to say thanks. That was something he always did whenever I took him home from a binge. He passed by me several times, but, he always pretended to be absorbed in reading a chart and never once acknowledged me. I couldn’t make out if he just wanted to ignore me or if maybe he was ashamed of his actions. Either way, I finally decided to confront him in the lounge.

"Are you OK today?" I asked him quietly as he worked over a chart.

"Does it matter?" he asked me without even looking up at me.

"Would I have asked if it didn’t matter?" I gave him a sarcastic tone and he shrugged his shoulders. "Doug, what’s going on with you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this"

"Yeah, well, you won’t be seeing me much longer so don’t worry about it"

"You mean when you leave here I’ll never see you again?" he looked up at me now, but his expression was blank.

"Isn’t that what everybody wants anyway?"

"It’s not what I want" I shook my head. "No"

"I wouldn’t want to come around once I’m gone" he shrugged and went back to his work. "It would hurt too much. Nobody will miss me anyway...now, really, Carol, I need to get this done....do you mind?"

"Not at all" I shook my head and went slowly towards the door. Just as I got to it, I turned back and softly added, "I’ll miss you"

I saw him close his eyes as if my words pained him deeply and I went on out the door. I really didn’t understand what was going on with him. I knew he was hurting but he seemed to want to turn to booze instead of a shoulder of a friend. Or maybe he felt like he didn’t have any friends left. I hadn’t been there much for him. Neither had Mark. And outside of the two of us, I don’t think there were very many people he would turn to for help. I began to become very worried about him.

But my worry turned to anger when he turned up under the El platform a few more times. It began to look like a staged act more than anything else and I was losing my patience with him. When I came home after an exasperating day to find him under the platform again, I lost it.

"What are you doing to me, Doug? Huh? Are you trying to make me feel guilty? Or wreck my relationship with Shep? Why is it always MY stop you plant yourself under? You think I’m a soft touch!? Well, I’ve had it, Doug! I’m not playing your game anymore! You want to drink yourself to death, go right ahead! You’re gonna keep on, Doug, until you’re not gonna be clinging to a rail post like you are now...you’re gonna be behind the wheel of the sports car you love so much! And drunks don’t usually kill themselves, Doug....they kill someone else. And when you kill somebody, there won’t be anything anybody can do to help you...not me...not Mark...not anybody! Is that what you want, Doug?" he looked at me with a blank stare that I couldn’t read and it only served to annoy me more. "You are riding about this close to the ground" I gave him a measurement with my thumb and forefinger big enough to fit a seed under, "and you’re going to crash. And when you do, it’s going to be a hard fall. I just hope there’s enough pieces of you to pick up when it’s over"

Having said all that, I turned sharply and walked away. I didn’t look back. And I left him standing there, clinging to the rail and calling my name out behind me. I went home and fought the urge all night to go back and see if he was still there. I stood by the window watching the platform, hoping to see him heading up to catch the El home, but, I never saw him. When he showed up at work the next day, I was relieved to see him, but I kept the cold front between us. If he wanted it to thaw, it was up to him to make the first move...but he never did. He just stayed busy and avoided contact with most of the staff.

Not much changed after that. If anything, they got worse. Doug was sullen and brooding at work. He rarely spoke and if he did at all, it was to say something harsh. His favorite response to Mark when he was called on his behavior was ‘what are you gonna do? Fire me?’ he knew there really wasn’t much Mark could do. And it was frustrating Mark not just because Doug was becoming extremely irritating, but because they had been friends in the past and now Doug seemed to have a total disregard for everything. Finally, frustrated from dealing with him all day, Mark lost his cool.

"Go home, Doug!" I told him shout at him in the hallway. "You’re not doing me or anyone else any good here, just go home! And come back when you’re ready to work"

Without a response, Doug just ducked his head and went to his locker to get his jacket. He stormed out past the desk without a word and disappeared though the ER doors and into the night...

Things were fairly quiet most of the evening. Once Doug was gone, everything seemed to settle into a normal routine. And a lot of the tension was lifted. Then, sometime early in the morning, we got the call from Unit 47 that they were coming in with a trauma.

"Go ahead, 47" I picked up the microphone of the MICN.

"County, we’ve got a two car collision out on Cartland Way...we’re transporting one victim of this accident to you...white male...approximately 35 years old...compound fracture of the left leg, there’s a lot of blood and a chest trauma...don’t know how deep..."

"Bring him in, 47, we’ll be ready for him"

I alerted Mark and we were standing by when Shep and Raoul crashed through the entrance doors with out patient on a gurney. The victim was conscious...and in pain...and I nearly froze at the sound of his voice. I recognized it instantly.

"Doug?" I was hovering over the gurney with Shep pushing him down the hall and I could smell the liquor on Doug’s breath. "I knew this was going to happen!" I sighed.

"It wasn’t my fault!" Doug was practically sobbing, "I didn’t do it! It wasn’t my fault!"

"Take it easy, Doug!" Mark was quickly in the room with us. "We’re gonna take care of you"

We lined up across the table and on Mark’s count, we lifted Doug off the gurney to put him on the trauma table. The instant we lifted him, he screamed out in pain. Once on the table, the work began quickly.

"BP is 90/70...pulse ox is 90"

"OK, I need a CBC, Chem 7, and give me a Tox Screen..." Mark began barking out the orders. "I also need a cross table c-spine, a head CT, somebody call ortho down here and somebody find Peter Benton..."

"Right away, Dr. Greene" Wendy exited quickly to search for the surgeon and call the ortho specialist.

"Everything hurts!" Doug was complaining loudly.

"Take it easy, Doug...we’re gonna take care of it" Mark told him in a comforting voice.

"I’ve got good breath sounds on the right side....a little garbled on the left side..."

"This is gonna hurt, Doug" I told him calmly as I inserted the needle into the under side of his wrist to draw blood. He winced, and quickly tried to pull his hand back, but, I kept a good grip on it until I had all the blood I needed.

"It wasn’t my fault" he kept insisting, his voice nearly consumed in sobs.

"Driver of the other car was dead at the scene" Shep told us quietly. "The engine on his car was cold...he has to have been completely stopped when he was hit. In fact, we had to completely disengage the parking brake to get him out of the car even using the jaws of life..."

"Jaws of life?" Mark looked up quickly. "You had to use the jaws of life to get him out of the car?"

"The whole front end of the car was gone" Shep nodded. "The steering wheel was broken and laying in his lap..."

"Oh my God" Mark groaned. Then he carefully opened Doug’s shirt, cutting it away with scissors, to reveal a deep, dark, red bruise spread from one side of Doug’s chest to the other. "I want an EKG and let’s keep an eye on that heart rate" he told us quickly.

"What are you thinking?" I gave him a careful look.

"Could be nothing...could be anything. I just want to watch for arrhythmia or anything else like that"

"Got it"

"Mark, it wasn’t my fault" Doug was desperately reaching his hands out to the sides and Wendy was quick to put them back on the table. "I swear it wasn’t my fault"

"Doug, you need to calm down and let us do our job, OK?" Mark gave him a stern, but professional tone as he leaned over him. "Did you hit your head?" Mark was peering close into Doug’s eyes, but, Doug was resisting, rolling his head from side to side. I secured his head steady with my hands so Mark could get his work done. Doug closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to fend off the pain that was seemingly ripping through his body.

"Don’t let them take me to jail!" Doug pleaded with Mark, his eyes so pained and desperate. "It wasn’t my fault"

"Just take it easy, Doug...everything will be OK..."

"I believe you, Doug" I smiled softly at him as Mark peered into his eyes with a light.

As soon as I said that, Doug seemed to relax. He let us do whatever needed to be done and no matter how much it hurt, he didn’t put up any kind of fuss. Ortho and Benton both looked at his leg and directed him to surgery. The break was to the tibia and fibula bones of the leg and it was going to require surgery to correct it. I also heard Mark say something about watching for a build up of blood in the pericardium because of the trauma to his chest. Once Doug was moved up to surgery and all the repair we could do was finished, I walked down to the end of the hall to try and collect my thoughts where it was quiet...and secluded. At least, I thought it was secluded.

"You love him, don’t you?" I heard Shep’s voice suddenly behind me. "That’s the guy you told me about...the one you said you’ve never gotten over?"

"Doug and I shared something very special a long time ago" I told him truthfully.

"Must still be something there" Shep shrugged. "Or you wouldn’t be so upset about it"

"Doug is a very good friend" I told him honestly. "I don’t want to see anything bad happen to him" I turned to him, and he smiled sadly at me. "You said his car engine was cold?"

"Yeah" he nodded.

"So, he wasn’t driving?"

"Not as far as I can tell, no" he shook his head. "But the police will have to investigate the accident"

"Then, if he wasn’t driving, this can’t be his fault...he didn’t kill the other driver?"

"No, I don’t think so. I think the other driver was at fault"

"So, he won’t go to jail?"

"I wouldn’t think so, no"

"His recovery is going to take a long time...he’s going to need a lot of help...I don’t know how available I’ll be for a while. You understand, don’t you?"

"Sure, Carol...I understand" he nodded and started away. "I gotta get back to work" he paused halfway down the hall and turned back to me. "Call you later?"

"Sure" I nodded. But I already knew he wasn’t going to call. And even if he did, I wasn’t going to be home.

I went back up through the ER and found Mark hovering over some films in the x-ray room. I went in and stood quietly beside him so as not to disturb him.

"Doesn’t look real good" Mark shook his head.

"I wish we knew what happened..." I sighed.

"I thought you told him you believed him" Mark grinned at me.

"As much as I’d like to, I’m just not sure I can. I’ve found him drunk under the El platform too many times lately. I just told him not a week ago that he was going to kill somebody...now maybe he has"

"That’s not for us to decide" Mark shook his head. "Our job is to put him back together and take care of him. The police will decide what happened out there"

"What’s his prognosis?"

"From where I stand, the thing that concerns me the most is the trauma to the chest...I’m worried about contusions. I’m surprised he doesn’t have a collapsed lung. He’s got three broken ribs...head CT looks good, though so he must have been clear there..."

"Impact was at a high speed?"

"Apparently. Anytime they use the jaws of life, you can bet there was speed involved"

"Is he gonna be OK?"

"With a lot of time and rehab, yeah, I think he will be. He’s far from out of the woods yet, anyway. But, really, a lot of it’s up to him"

"He’s been so depressed lately....suppose he doesn’t have any will left?"

"That’s his decision, Carol...nothing we can do about that. I’m going to ask that he be kept in ICU when he comes out of surgery....I’m really concerned about that chest trauma and I want to keep a good watch on it"

"Get the blood work back?"

"Oh yeah" Mark nodded. "He was more than legally drunk...no drugs in his system...just the alcohol"

"Will he go to jail?"

"I don’t know, Carol. I just know he’s not going anywhere right away"

I was making notes on charts at the front desk when the police came through the ER doors. My heart nearly stopped at the sight of these uniformed officers but I lifted my head to greet them anyway.

"Can I help you, Officers?"

"We need to talk to Dr. Douglas Ross, please?"

"I’m sorry, Dr. Ross is not available right now. I can let you talk to Dr. Greene...that’s the attending physician"

"That’ll be fine" one of them nodded. I stepped slowly into the lounge and took a deep breath.

"Mark? The police are here"

"Be right there" Mark nodded. I went back to the desk and tried not pay much attention when Mark came out, but, my ears were primed and listening. "Help you gentleman?"

"Yes, we need to see Dr. Douglas Ross. He was involved in an accident on Cartland Way this evening and we need to ask him some questions"

"Well, I’m sorry, but, Dr. Ross is not strong enough to be questioned just yet. He just came out of surgery and he’s not even out of recovery yet"

"OK" one of them nodded. "When would be a good time to come back?"

"Sometime tomorrow?" Mark gave them a guess. "I really don’t know how long it will take him to be at himself. He’s sustained quite a few serious injuries"

"Dr. Greene, a man is dead...and Dr. Ross has a long history of DUI with us...we’ve let him slide a lot of times...there could be some very serious repercussions from this..."

"I thought you said you wanted to ask him some questions" Mark scoffed. "Sounds to me like you’ve already convicted him. I would suggest you gentleman investigate the accident site and have your questions well in order before you approach Dr. Ross with them. And you won’t do that until I think he’s strong enough for it"

"You can’t protect him forever, Dr. Greene" was all they said before turning to leave.

"That was good of you, Mark" I told him quietly after they were gone.

"I want to know what happened out there the same as anyone does" Mark shook his head with a sigh. "But, I won’t allow him to be badgered until he’s strong enough to dicker back"

"How did the surgery go?"

"They had to pin his leg back together" Mark shook his head. "He’s got wires sticking out of the cast. He’s looking at extensive rehab for it...and arrhythmia set in"

"Is it serious?"

"I’m keeping an eye on it...it’s serious enough that I’m concerned"

"He’s lucky to be alive, isn’t he?" I asked softly.

"He might be better off if he weren’t" Mark gave me a sad smile as he slipped away.

My shift ended and I gathered my things from my locker. But, instead of heading out the door and to the El platform, I took an elevator upstairs to the recovery room door. I slipped in and waved to Elaine, the desk nurse there. I went through the beds until I found Doug. Another nurse, Kristin, was checking his vitals when I put my things down on a chair nearby.

"How’s he doing, Kristen?" I asked her softly.

"Still asleep...his heart rate is jumping around...Dr. Greene is rather concerned about it"

"Yeah, he told me that, too" I nodded as I went over to Doug’s bed and peered down at him.

"I heard it stopped in surgery and they had problems starting it because of the chest trauma...there’s a contusion of the heart now..."

"Does Dr. Greene know that?"

"Yes, he’s been notified. He told us under no circumstances was he to be moved from here tonight and he’s on critical watch"

"Yeah, that’s why I’m here" I nodded. "I’ll be staying in here with him"

Kristin nodded and went on away from Doug’s bed. Once she was gone I reached my hand down to touch his face and smooth his hair. He was so very still. So calm and peaceful. It was frightening to have to watch for the rise and fall of his chest to be sure he was breathing. If not for the heart monitor beeping out it’s erratic rhythm, I would have had to sit with my hand on him all night just to be sure he was still alive. I pulled up a chair and put it beside his bed, determined I was going to stay there with him all night long...

I was awakened by the sound of soft moaning. I opened by eyes to see Doug awake, rolling his head from side to side and clutched his chest with his hand.

"Doug?" I stood up and hovered over him. "What is it? What’s wrong?"

"Hurts" he told me softly, clutching his chest and his face distorted in pain.

"OK, take it easy...I’ll get Mark up here"

I went out to the desk and told Kristen to find Mark Greene....to tell him Doug was complaining of pain in his chest. Mark came up just a few minutes later and leaned over Doug’s bed to check up over. He listened carefully to the sounds and his face told me he didn’t like what he heard. He shook his head as he took the stethoscope from his ears and pulled it around his neck.

"We’re gonna send you on a little trip, Doug" he told him softly. "Send you to x-ray. I want an echocardiogram"

"What do you hear?" I asked him quietly.

"Little bit of a sloshing sound. I think there’s blood in there. If there is, we’re gonna have to do a pericentesis..."

"Oh, God!" I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Go see if you can put Benton on standby...I’ll send him down to x-ray"

"OK" I nodded.

I did find Peter Benton and put him on standby...that Dr. Greene might need a pericentesis done...and he told me that wasn’t a problem. Doug was in tremendous pain by the time he was brought back to his room in ICU. The pressure from the machine had hurt him terribly. He was uncomfortable from the cast on his leg...he was miserable from the echocardiogram and he couldn’t even change his position to try and make himself more comfortable.

"Can I get you anything?" I smiled weakly at him. "Some ice water maybe?" he nodded shortly and I poured some water into a glass for him. I held the glass in one hand and supported his neck with my other hand, tilting him forward enough to take a couple of sips. He closed his eyes and rolled his head back into his pillow, groaning softly.

"Are you having a lot of pain?" he nodded shortly. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he shook his head once. "I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain" I told him truthfully. "Maybe Mark will be able to give you something"

I stroked his hair softly and smiled down at him. He kept his eyes fixed on me but never said a word. His eyes were deep and dark and I could see the fear set well in them. He had a canula under his nose giving him air, a gash on his forehead that had simply required a butterfly patch to close, and one arm had several small cuts and scratches from his wrist to his elbow. He was wearing one of those dreaded hospital gowns and had an IV in one hand. His hair was tossed and matted and his skin was a pasty white color. I had never seen him look so bad. And I was really worried about him.

"Hey, Doug" Mark came back and stood beside his bed. "You’ve got some blood in there...we need to take it out...do you understand what I’m saying to you?"

"Yeah" he nodded and finally spoke. His voice was hoarse and raspy.

"I’ve sent for Benton...we’re going to a pericentesis. We can do it right here in this room. We don’t have to move you. OK?" Doug bit his lip and nodded that it was OK. "We’ll give you a light sedative but you’ll be awake, OK?" again, Doug simply nodded.

"Do you need any help?" I asked Mark quietly.

"I can always use a good nurse" Mark smiled at me.

Benton came and he and Mark worked together. Mark gave Doug an injection into his IV to decrease his feeling of pain but not enough to knock him out. In his weakened condition, drugs to make him unconscious were not a good idea. Peter took a long needle and carefully swabbed an area of Doug’s chest with an alcohol prep. He inserted the needle carefully but Doug still felt the pain. He winced. And bit his lip. And groaned very softly. He rolled his head away from the needle and closed his eyes trying to block out what was happening. I reached over and carefully held his hand in mine, patting it gently and rubbing his fingers. He let it lay limp in mine for a long time, and then, when the procedure was almost over, he very loosely cupped his fingers around my fingers, but he never opened his eyes. Finally, Peter removed the needle and it was over.

"You did great, Doug" Mark patted his shoulder gently. "Get some rest now, OK?"

I followed the two doctors out into the hall. Mark thanked Peter for his help and he was gone quickly while I stayed there with Mark.

"How’s he doing?" I asked Mark carefully.

"Well, with this procedure, I think he’ll be a little more comfortable. I’m concerned about this condition but I think he’ll be all right with it now"

"What about overall?"

"He’s pretty banged up, Carol" Mark told me honestly. "I’ll be honest with you, because I know you and Doug have always been friends. I’m keeping him in ICU and on critical watch. And I’ll just say we’ll know more after we see how the next 48 hours go"

"Is he going to live?"

"I think he’s got a good chance...we’ll just have to give him time to heal"

"What about the police?"

"Well, they’ll be back, of course. But, I saw the paramedic report and I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. This accident wasn’t his fault...he’ll be OK"

"I already hear people talking downstairs about how Doug Ross got drunk and killed somebody" I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you know the scuttlebutt around here" Mark grinned. "Doug won’t pay any attention to any of that. He won’t hear it anyway. He’ll be up here away from it"

"I’m going to stay with him tonight" I told him with a nod. "In case he needs something"

"OK" Mark nodded. "I’m working all night so just send for me if anything changes"

"OK, Mark"

Mark went on down the hall to the elevator and I went back to Doug’s room. I checked first with Kristen and told her I would be in there all night and she told me that was fine. Doug wasn’t sleeping when I went in but he was trying hard to rest.

"Doug? Can I get you anything?" I asked him quietly. He opened his eyes and smiled very weakly at me, but shook his head. "OK, I’ll be here if you need me, OK? You just let me know, OK?" He nodded shortly with a soft smile. Then he rolled his head into his pillow and looked away from me, closing his eyes to the pain that was apparently soaring through him.

I pulled up a chair and sat close by him. I sat and just watched him breathe and listened to the heart monitor that was still not in a steady beat. I leaned my head back, exhausted from the day’s happenings, and for the first time I fully understood what it must have been like for Doug to stand and watch them work on me in the emergency room just not so long ago following my suicide attempt. And I knew now why he could come to me and tell me he loved me after that. What I’d heard all my life was true. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until you almost lose it forever...

To Be Continued....

October 19, 1998