"A Matter of Confidence"

Author's Note

The characters in this script are not mine and no profit is made by me in any way with this writing.

I do humbly apologize to any fans of Weaver, Benton, Carter, Doyle, or some of the other "ER" gang. You must surely by now think I cannot write for any characters except Doug, Carol, and Mark! This is seriously not truly the case, but I do seem to work best with that team!

Robin

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Opening Act

Scene opens in the hospital cafeteria. Mark Greene is rushing through the line of people, grappling for a cup of coffee along the way. He quickly hands the cashier his change and starts away, almost knocking over another Doctor in his way.

Raypert (reaches out to catch Mark quickly):
Easy, there, Dr. Greene!

Mark (apologetically):
Sorry, Dan! I didn't see you there!

Raypert:
I'm glad I ran into you, actually. Have you got a minute?

Mark (nods slowly):
Sure.

(Mark steps off to the side with Dan Raypert and the two exchange quiet conversation) Raypert:
Actually, Mark, I thought you of all people in this hospital would be a little more cooperative with me, considering your personal friendship with Doug Ross and all...

Mark (confused):
Excuse me?

Raypert (continues his tone...doesn't pick up that Mark has no idea what he's talking about):
I mean, after all, Doug is doing this on his own. This is not a court ordered thing or something. I'd think you would want to support his efforts.

Mark (totally confused):
Dan, I think I missed part of this conversation! WHAT are you talking about?

Raypert:
The scheduling conflicts I keep having with Doug.

Mark (trying to understand):
Scheduling conflicts?

Raypert:
Yeah, this is about the fifth time this month he's asked me to reschedule a session due to scheduling conflicts down in the ER. Can't you help him out a little with that? Surely you can spare him an hour?

Mark:
I would be glad to give Doug all the time he needs to keep his appointments with you if I was aware that he needed the time. He's never asked me for any.

Raypert (confused):
Well, that's odd. When he called me this morning and asked to reschedule our appointment today, I just assumed it was a problem with you.

Mark (shakes his head):
It's not a problem with me. What time is his appointment with you?

Raypert:
I have him scheduled for 2:30 this afternoon...

Mark (assuringly):
Well, you just keep that appointment scheduled in. I'll see that he gets there.

Raypert (smiles):
Now, that's the kind of thing I like to hear out of supervisors! I'm glad we had this little talk, Mark.

Mark (nods, with a sarcastic tone):
Oh, I am, too! More glad than you know, Dan!

Mark storms on out of the cafeteria and heads down the hall towards the ER. When he gets into the corridors, he passes Carol Hathaway and reaches out to touch her arm for attention.

Mark:
Carol? Is Doug here yet?

Carol (looks around, and nods):
He's finishing up in four...

Mark (pushes past her quickly):
Thanks!

Carol gives Mark a bewildered look as she watches him rush on down the hall. Mark pushes open the door to the trauma unit and finds Doug picking things up from a treating a patient who has since been taken out of the room. Mark stops in the doorway and gives Doug a perturbed look.

Mark (matter-of-factly):
What's the big idea blaming me for your 'scheduling conflicts' with Raypert?

Focus on Doug as he looks up surprised and gives Mark a flustered look.

Fade into the opening credit of the show and end Opening Act.

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Act One

Scene opens still in Trauma Four room between Mark and Doug. Mark has just blasted Doug for using him to get out of his sessions with Raypert and Doug is confused as to what exactly Mark is talking about.

Doug (chuckles lightly):
What are you talking about?

Mark (shakes his head):
Don't start with me, Doug. Not this morning. I got up late...Again...I was up all night with Rachel, whom I couldn't get started on time this morning, AGAIN...I got here late...AGAIN...had to get coffee from the cafeteria because there wasn't any up here and I run into Raypert who criticizes me for being a 'uncaring supervisor' unwilling to give a member of my staff time off to keep an appointment with him. I don't appreciate you using me as an excuse for you to weasel out of therapy, Doug.

Doug (holds his hands out in calming gesture):
OK...hold the phone a second! I did not "use you" as an excuse! If Raypert told you that, that's a lie...

Mark:
He didn't tell me that in exact words! But, that's what he meant! What's going on, Doug?

Doug (sighs):
I just didn't want to cause any problems for you...

Mark (exasperated):
You let ME be the judge of whether or not something is a problem, OK?

Doug (defensively):
OK!

Mark:
If you need time off to keep an appointment with Raypert, don't hesitate to ask me, OK? The ER will not come to a screeching halt and cave in if you are gone from it for an hour. And if it's a real emergency that we absolutely HAVE to have you for, you are still in the hospital and all I have to do is call Raypert and have him send you down!

Doug (repeats his defense):
OK!

Mark:
Now! Raypert tells me you have an appointment today at 2:30...

Doug (interrupts):
Well, actually, I was going to reschedule that....

Mark (cuts him off quickly):
You are going to that session if I have to take you up there by the ear, do you understand me? You are NOT using me as an excuse anymore. If you want to cancel a session, you're going to have to come up with something better than 'scheduling conflicts' because that's not going to work anymore. Do I make myself clear?

Doug starts to say something, but the look in Mark's eyes tells him he better not. He nods his head slowly.

Doug (slowly):
Sure, Mark. Whatever you say.

Mark (satisfied smile):
Thank you!

Mark turns sharply and exits the room. Doug ambles over to the door and watches him go off down the hall. Doug stands somewhat shell shocked in the doorway and Carol comes up beside him.

Carol (looks off in Mark's direction, than back at Doug):
Something wrong?

Doug:
I think the milk was sour on his corn flakes this morning.
(smiles at Carol)
Everything's fine!

Cut scene to show time lapse. Mark and Doug are working together over a patient in the ER. The clock on the wall shows that it is 2:15 PM. Mark inches over beside Doug and reaches for the instruments he's using.

Mark (matter-of-factly):
I'll take over now, Doug, you're out of here.

Doug (doesn't give up the instrument):
I'm not done here, yet...

Mark (grabs the instrument quickly):
I'm taking over your patient, Doug! You have an appointment to keep.

Doug (glances at the wall):
I've got time to get there...

Mark (sternly, looks Doug directly in the eye):
GO!
(Doug gives him a perplexed look)
NOW!

Reluctantly, Doug shoves the instrument into Mark's hand and disappears out the door of the trauma unit...

Cut to show time lapse again. Focus on Doug, clad in scrubs and Dockers and tennis shoes, shifting his weight nervously in a leather chair in front of a desk. Pan back to show Dan Raypert seated behind the desk with a folder in front of him. He folds his hands and gives Doug a compassionate look.

Raypert:
Would you be more comfortable if you lie down?

Doug (shakes his head):
No. I'm not a basket case yet.

Raypert (smiles, with a shake of his head):
That's an old cliché, Doug. And you know it. I was simply trying to make you more comfortable.

Doug (nods):
I'm fine.

Raypert:
Anything in particular you want to talk about today?

Doug (shakes his head):
Aren't you supposed to tell me that?

Raypert (sighs):
You know, Doug, you really aren't helping me much. I've told you before that you need to leave that shield of yours out on the table with the magazines when you come in here. If you aren't going to be open with me, there's really no point in doing this. Surely you must know that.

Doug (shifts again):
I'm sorry, Dan. I'm just starting to wonder if maybe I shouldn't have chosen somebody uptown. Somebody who doesn't know me. Somebody I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid of what I say...

Raypert (cuts in):
There's no reason to be afraid of what you say in here to me. Everything in this room is completely confidential. I won't reveal anything you say about anything or anyone to anybody, not even under a court of law. Let's talk about Mark Greene...

Doug (shrugs his shoulders):
What about Mark?

Raypert:
Well, let's just talk about Mark. Talk about him as a person...a friend...and a supervisor. How do you feel about Mark right now?

Doug (raises an eyebrow):
Right now? (shakes if off with a nod of his head) I could be mad at him, I guess. If I didn't know he was right in reading me out this morning. (grins). He's a fair supervisor. Gives me more rope than most would. He's OK.

Raypert:
You and Mark have been a team down in the ER for quite a while. I understand you have had some very heated moments in the past.

Doug (nods):
We have. (pauses) But, we always seem to work them out.

Raypert:
Is that a combined effort? Or does one of you do more trying than the other?

Doug (eyes Raypert carefully):
I would guess Mark goes out on the limb a little further to reach me than I do him sometimes.

Raypert:
Do you ever return the favor?

Doug (nods):
I think so. I think I'm usually there for him when he needs a friend. I know I try to be.

Raypert (smiles):
So, you would say you think a lot of Mark Greene, then?

Doug (sincerely):
Mark is probably the first real friend I've ever had in my entire life. He's the first person that I could ever depend on that I knew was going to be there for me beyond a shadow of a doubt no matter what the situation was. He's gone to bat for me with Morganstern. He's gone out of his way more than once to save my butt in this hospital. He's probably the first person I ever knew who gave me any genuine signs that he cared anything about me one way or the other. That's why I can't stay pissed at him. I know he's usually right. And when he rides my ass, he's just trying to get me to shape up. And I can respect that. He's the first person I ever felt any kind of real bonding with.

Raypert (nods):
Is he aware that you feel this way?

Doug (shakes his head...looks at his feet....toys with a shoe string on his tennis shoes):
No. That's not something I broadcast outright. Not even to him.

Raypert:
Yet, you allow him to control you. Surely he's aware of this?

Doug (shrugs):
I don't know. Doesn't matter. If he does control me, it's because I let him.

Raypert:
You're not one much for admitting feelings about someone, are you, Doug?

Doug (gives him a confused look):
Meaning?

Raypert:
Meaning you tend to pretty much keep what you think and what you feel locked away someplace inside you where no one can see them and you don't have to deal with them...that the only relationships you are comfortable with are surface relationships that never need you to put much effort into them.

Doug (shrugs):
I guess I never really thought about it much.

Raypert:
I have an exercise I want you to do before you come back to see me next time, OK? I want you to write me a letter about Mark Greene. I want you to address the letter to him personally, but, don't worry...it's for my files...not his eyes. I want you to tell me exactly how you feel about him and why. Will you do that for me?

Doug (sighs heavily):
I can try. But, what's the purpose of this?

Raypert:
Just an experiment. Maybe we'll both understand it a little better once it's done, OK?

Doug (nods):
OK.

Raypert:
So, you would consider him a fair supervisor?

Doug:
More than fair. He puts up with a lot more than most would.

Raypert:
And a good friend?

Doug (nods):
Yeah. A real good friend. He's always there with a kind word or a pep talk, no matter what you need, he finds some way to give it, never mind what's going on in his own life. He's got a good ear and he's a good listener. And he's got a soft shoulder. With lots of answers tucked away no matter what the situation is. A great friend.

Raypert:
And that would make him what kind of a person?

Doug (smiles, lost in thought):
Rare. The kind they broke the mold on.

Raypert:
Someone you admire?

Doug (nods):
Yeah, I guess so.

Raypert (looks at his watch):
You think about that letter, OK? I want to see you again on Friday.

Doug (stands up to leave):
Exactly what does my relationship with Mark Greene have to do with anything why I came here in the first place?

Raypert (makes notes in Doug's folder):
You're on the ground floor of all this right now, Doug. None of it will make sense to you yet. But, by the time it's over, it will all fit together. You'll just have to trust me.

Doug (nods):
OK.

Raypert:
I'll put you down for 4PM Friday. I trust there won't be anymore 'scheduling conflicts' with Mark?

Doug (shakes his head with a smile):
No, I guess not.

Raypert:
Then, I'll see you on Friday.

Doug (opens the door and starts out):
Yeah.

Cut to show the gang at the computers back in the ER. Pan out to show Doug coming into the picture from the hallway. He stops at the counter and looks over a chart quickly, watching the computer game out of the corner of one eye with a smile.

Mark (quietly beside Doug):
How'd it go?

Doug (nods, answers quietly):
It went OK.
(continues to make notes, grins at Mark slightly)
I think I owe you dinner.

Mark (smiles wide):
Oh yeah? For what?

Doug (chuckles lightly):
Just because.

(Doug looks Mark in the eye and smiles slightly)

Mark shrugs his shoulders and goes back over to the computer game.

Doug slaps the chart shut, picks up a piece of paper and a pen and ambles off on down the hall. Mark and Carol watch him go, both with bewildered looks on their faces.

Fade Act One to Black

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Act Two

Scene opens at the hospital, somewhere in a hallway. Carol Hathaway is coming down the hall carrying several items in her arms. Cut to show Dan Raypert coming around a corner and nearly running into her. He stops and reaches his hands out to catch her falling items before they can clatter to the floor.

Raypert:
I'm so sorry, Carol! Let me help you with those!

Carol (smiles):
It's OK. I've got it.

(both stand up and face each other)

Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you, Dan. Have you got a couple of minutes?

Raypert (looks at his watch):
Sure! I don't have another patient for a while. Buy you coffee?

Carol (nods):
That would be great.

Cut to show Raypert and Carol sitting at a table together over coffee. Raypert is drinking his from a cup...Carol is stirring hers at the table.

Raypert:
Something on your mind?

Carol (shrugs):
Well, without breaking any patient/doctor confidence, I was just wondering how Doug Ross is getting along with you.

Raypert (gives her a knowing look):
Well, now, Carol, from your own personal experiences, surely you know I couldn't divulge any information to you about my sessions with Doug...

Carol (cuts him off quickly):
I'm not asking you to tell me anything. I just wondered how he's doing with all this.

Raypert (sighs):
I'll give you the best professional analysis I can, OK? I think the fact that Doug came into this therapy on his own is an important step. I think he is admitting to himself that he has a problem with something that he doesn't know how to handle and he wants very much to get it under control. But, I think the problem that brought him into this therapy is only the surface of what's really bothering him. I think he has some deep rooted problems locked inside him that he just doesn't want to reveal. I think he chooses his topics of conversation very carefully and I think he is extremely defensive of his inner personal feelings. I can't seem to get him to understand that as long as he carries that shield around with him, we're never going to get anywhere with these sessions.

Carol:
Maybe I could talk to him. I mean, you know, just tell him how it was for me. I had a rough time opening up with my shrink, too. But, once I did, things started to change. And when I saw that change, it made me try that much harder.

Raypert (shakes his head with a sigh):
I don't know. I only know that as long as he stays as 'on guard' as he is right now we're never going to get to the bottom of what's really bothering him. I think Doug truly wants to change. I just think he is afraid to. I think he's comfortable with the way things are in his life and he's afraid to find out what kind of difference changes in his life could make.

Carol (smiles):
I'll talk to him. Thanks, Dan.

Raypert:
Anytime, Carol.

Cut to show time lapse...ER work has been busy...Doug is standing near the computers going over notes in front of him. He stops briefly and rubs his eyes because he is tired. Carol comes up beside him and hands him another chart for a signature.

Carol (quietly):
You OK?

Doug (nods, robotically):
Yeah, I'm fine.

Carol:
Can we talk later?

Doug (signs chart...hands it back to her):
Sure.
(pauses to look her in the eye)
What's up?

Carol (shrugs):
Nothing. Just wanted to talk.

Doug (nods):
OK. Sure!

Jerry (hands Doug a chart):
Four year old wheezing in two.

Doug (takes chart...starts away):
I got it!

Pan to show Doug going into room two and cut scene.

Cut to show time lapse. Carol and Doug are sitting over coffee together at a table. Neither is drinking the coffee but they are sitting facing each other.

Doug (starts conversation):
So, what's up?

Carol:
I was just wondering how you're getting along with Raypert.

Doug (shrugs):
OK, I guess. He hasn't kicked me out yet or anything.
(chuckles)

Carol (smiles):
Well, I just know it's not easy to talk to someone like Raypert sometimes.

Doug (nods, nonchalantly):
He's OK.

Carol:
Can I give you some advice about talking to a shrink?

Doug (smiles):
Do I need it?

Carol:
You have to let go, OK? You have to let go of your defenses and give Raypert your most vulnerable self. Otherwise, you're just wasting his time and your money going up there.
(Doug gives her a confused look)
It's never easy to open yourself up to somebody. To anybody. Much less somebody who can psychoanalyze everything you say. But, you went into this on your own, so, I think you should give it your best shot, at least.

Doug:
Meaning?

Carol:
Well, I was just wondering if you talk to Raypert like you talk to everybody else.

Doug (confused):
I'm not sure what you mean...

Carol:
You know what I mean. You surface talk everybody, Doug. You never let anybody get inside you to the 'real' Doug Ross. You only let people see whatever you want them to see.

Doug (grins):
Well, you spent time in therapy. What does that mean?

Carol:
Mostly, it means you're afraid. You're afraid to let people see what you're really like. You have a low self esteem, actually. I notice you only drink heavily when you're alone. If you drink at social events, you carry one drink around with you all night. I've watched you do it. So, when you're with people, you seem to be fine, but, when you're alone is when your problems seem to set in.

Doug (hanging on her words):
And this means, what?

Carol (shakes her head):
I'm not a therapist. You should talk to Raypert about those kind of things. He really wants to help. But, it's a two way street. You have to want him to help you before you're ever going to get anything out of this.

Doug (nods):
OK.

Carol (reaches over and touches his hand):
I'm only telling you these things because I care.

Doug (looks into her eyes):
You care? You care about what? You care about me?

Carol (nods):
Of course I care about you! That's never changed.

Doug (looks down at the table slightly):
You care about me, but, you can't forgive me.

Carol:
I don't have anything to forgive you for, Doug. You're the one who needs to do some forgiving. And not for me. For yourself. (Doug looks up at her quickly, his eyes clouded with confusion)
I never blamed you for anything that happened between us. Love is a two way street. It takes two to walk it and it takes two to go separate ways. It's never just one party at fault. If I didn't get anything else from my shrink, I learned that much. What happened between us was as much my fault as it was yours.

Doug (looks her in the eye):
I never blamed you. It wasn't your fault...

Carol:
Well, some of it had to be. Maybe I read more into the relationship than was actually there. Maybe I tried to rush you. Or pressure you. Something made you pull back, some of it had to be me...

Doug (shakes his head quickly):
No, it wasn't you. I just got scared. And I didn't know what else to do, so, I ran. And I've regretted it every since.

Carol (reaches over and touches Doug's chest):
I think there's a lot locked up in here. And I think you need to give somebody the key to open it up. Raypert is good. He's probably one of the best in this hospital. And I think he genuinely wants to help you. But, you have to help him. You have to let him help you. Otherwise, this circle is just going to continue and nothing is ever going to change.

Doug (reaches down and takes her hand):
Maybe I should give the key to you?

Carol (looks into his eyes, but, shakes her head):
No. I'm not the one who can help you right now. I can be your friend. And I can be there for you. But, I can't tell you anything about what's going on with you. You need Raypert for that. You need to trust him. You need to have confidence in his ability with you. (Doug looks down at the table for a moment, but, Carol lifts his chin with her fingers)
You're a good person, Doug. You've got a big heart. You're kind. And you're caring. You're great with the kids that come in here. You need to let yourself off the hook. You need to learn to like Doug Ross a little better than you do.

Doug (looks deep into her eyes):
You think I'm a good person?

Carol (smiles):
I know it. And you know it, too. You just hide it under that rough exterior.

Doug:
But, if I didn't have that exterior I wouldn't be where I am now.

Carol (nods):
Well, you're there now. Why do you need the armor?
(looks at her watch)
I gotta get back, OK? We'll talk again later.

Doug (watches her as she stands up to leave):
Yeah.
(nods quickly)
Sure.

Doug watches Carol leave the room, deep in thought of her last words about his 'armor'. Focus on him deep in thought and cut scene.

Fade Act Two to black....

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Act Three

Scene opens in Raypert's office. Raypert is sitting at his desk. Doug is curled in the leather chair in front of the desk, both legs draped over one arm and his head sunk back into the high back of the chair.

Raypert:
How do you feel about hypnosis, Doug?

Doug (eyes him suspiciously):
Why? Am I that bad off? You think you need to put me in a trance to get answers out of me?

Raypert:
It was just a suggestion. Not an option.
(pauses to collect his next thoughts)
Why did you start this therapy, Doug? What brought you here?

Doug (shrugs):
Something that happened in my personal life.

Raypert:
I've seen you six times and you still have yet to tell me what that was.

Doug:
That's because it has nothing to do with the root of the problem. It was just the triggering point.

Raypert (leans forward on his hands on the desk):
Then, what is the root of the problem?

Doug (shrugs):
I'm not sure. Could be any one of a number of things.

Raypert:
Name one of them.

Doug (eyes him carefully):
Any one of them?
(Raypert nods)
OK, I think a lot of it started with Ray...

Raypert:
That would be your father, right?

Doug (nods):
Yeah.
(pauses)
When he called me up, and we started talking, I thought things were really going to change. We got together a few times...even shared a few laughs...but, then it just all fell apart. There wasn't anything there to hold it together. I realized I honestly did not know the man. And he didn't know me. We didn't even have a common bond.
(looks nervously at his hands)
I have a son, Dan. You don't know that. Not a lot of people do. He's about 10 years old now. And I've never even laid eyes on him. I don't even know his name. I only know that he was born. I don't even know when. So, essentially, I'm the same kind of father to him that Ray was to me...non existent.

Raypert:
Do you know where your son is?

Doug (shakes his head):
No. I would assume still here in Illinois somewhere. I met his mother when I was in Med School. We dated a while and the baby just 'happened'. We didn't plan for it. I wanted to marry her, but, her parents were dead set against it. I wasn't 'good enough' for their little girl.

Raypert (chuckles):
You were studying to be a doctor! What parent doesn't want their daughter to marry a doctor?

Doug (smiles sadly):
I wasn't the 'right kind' of doctor. They wanted somebody like Mark Greene... someone from an Ivy League school with a good degree. I was in University of Illinois on a hardship case scholarship...not exactly the background they had in mind.

Raypert (surprised):
You were a hardship case? I didn't know that!

Doug (nods):
I had the grades, just not the money. The board thought I had potential and they financed my schooling. That's one reason I wanted to stay in Illinois when I graduated. I wanted to give back to the community that supported me.

Raypert (nods):
Very impressive. You made mention of the mother of your child's parents wanting someone more like Mark Greene for their daughter, yet, you and Mark Greene both ended up in the same place.

Doug (chuckles lightly):
Yeah, go figure.

Raypert:
Well, have you ever thought about extending efforts to contact the mother?

Doug (shakes his head):
No. It's been over ten years. Things are probably better off left the way they are. I'm sure she's married by now...my son has a stepfather....likely doesn't even know anything about me...it would just mess everything up now.

Raypert:
Maybe. But, maybe that's not always going to be your choice. The boy will be 18 someday. He may come looking for you. What will you say to him then?

Doug (chuckles...toys with his shoe string):
Probably something about as lame as Ray said to me when he called me. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Maybe I never will.

Raypert (changes subject):
I read your letter to Mark Greene.
(holds the letter up out of Doug's file folder)
Very nice. Is this really what you would want to say to him?

Doug (nods):
Yeah, but, I don't think I could ever sit down with him and say things like that. That kind of stuff is better in a letter so he could read it sometime when he was alone and I wouldn't have to deal with it.

Raypert:
Why wouldn't you want to 'deal' with it?

Doug (shrugs):
You just don't say things like that to another man, you know? Guys don't get all mushy. That's for girls.

Raypert (matter-of-factly):
I have an older brother that I think the world of. I would feel uneasy saying things like this to him. I don't think there's anything wrong with the things you said about Mark in this letter.

Doug (defensively):
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, either! I just don't think I could sit down across a table from Mark and say things like that to him! That's all.

Raypert (shakes letter lightly):
Still, this letter is a good thing. This tells me you do have real feelings down inside you someplace. And you're in touch with them. You just don't express them well. I would guess you got some of that from the school of 'hard knocks' you've obviously spent some time at. The purpose of this experiment was to let me see just exactly what IS under the surface of that rough exterior of yours. You need to let more people see that side of you, Doug.

Doug (shakes his head):
No. That side is soft. And weak. And gets hurt too easily. If I let that side of me out, I could never be a doctor.
(pauses, collecting his train of thought)
It rips my soul out every time I lose a patient. When I look into the eyes of a child, and see the pain and the fear on their faces, and know there's nothing I can do to stop that pain, or take away that fear, it chips off a piece of me inside. It makes me think about my own son and wonder if I'm looking into his eyes and don't even know it. And when I lose one, and I have to look into the grief stricken face of a parent and tell them their child is dead, sometimes it takes every ounce of courage I have to do it. Some days I go home wondering if I even have the strength to come back another day.

Raypert (leans on his hands, and smiles):
And why do you come back?

Doug (looks up sheepishly...grins):
Because that doesn't happen every day. Some days I have one like Ben Larkin... that I put my heart and soul into it and he walks out of here with his parents later. Ones like that make it worth it. I came to grips with that kind of stuff a long time ago. I can handle every aspect of my job. There are just some times...

Raypert (smiles with a nod):
We all feel that way, Doug. My cases are the same way. I might put six years into a patient that commits suicide, but, I might have one case that I actually make a difference. It all balances out.

Doug (smiles):
I guess.

Raypert:
I get the feeling you feel terribly alone a lot of the time, Doug, am I right?

Doug (shrugs):
I don't know. I don't think so. Maybe more than I used to be.

Raypert:
Why would that be?

Doug:
I used to have a lot of women in my life. Commitment never entered into any of it. I just wanted to be with someone. It didn't matter who it was. As long as I got what I wanted. But, I don't feel that way anymore.

Raypert:
Why would that be?

Doug (deep in thought):
Because now there's only one person I want to be with. And I know that now. And if I can't be with that one person, then, I don't want to be with anybody else, either.

Raypert:
Does this person know how you feel?

Doug (shakes his head):
No.

Raypert:
Why not?

Doug:
I've never told her. Not in those words, anyway.

Raypert (repeats slowly):
Why not?

Doug:
I guess I'm afraid. I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same way. And as long as I don't know that for sure I can hold onto a hope that things might eventually work out for us later.

Raypert:
So, you're grasping at straws more or less?

Doug (shrugs):
More or less. I guess.

Raypert:
You need to let this woman know how you feel....

Doug (cuts him off quickly):
It's not that simple. We were once very close, but a lot of things have changed between us. And a lot of things have changed about both of us. If it were as easy as going to her and saying 'I Love You' and we rode off into the sunset to live happily ever after, I wouldn't be here now.

Raypert:
Are you even friends with this woman now?

Doug (nods):
Yes. And I've worked hard just to get us back to that level.

Raypert (smiles slightly):
Well, sometimes friends make the best lovers.
(Doug gives him a confused look)
Think about that.
(Raypert looks at his watch)
Time's almost up. I'd like us to get together again next week...about Wednesday?

Doug (nods):
Wednesday's fine.

Raypert (looking over calendar):
Mornings better for you? Afternoons? You tell me!

Doug (lost in thought):
Whatever's open. I'm flexible.

Raypert:
I'll put you down for about 11AM, will that be OK?

Doug (nods, uncurling himself from the chair):
I'll be here.
(He gets up and walks across the room, pausing briefly at the door)
Dan, is it just me, or did something happen here today?

Raypert (looks up from his desk):
I think you're on the road to a good start, Doug. Just keep that attitude, OK?

Doug nods quickly and disappears out the door.

Focus on Doug standing alone in the hallway as he waits for the elevator door to open. He closes his eyes and sees himself kissing Carol someplace in his past. The elevator door opens and pops his trance. He gets onto the elevator and as the doors close we see that his eyes are clouded with confusion and emotion.

Fade Act Three to black...

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Act Four

Scene opens at the hospital with most of the staff crowded around the computers at the nurses station. Mark is at the controls with everyone watching over his shoulder at the action on the screen.

Doug (chuckles):
Not quick enough, Mark, you shoot like a girl.

Carol (gives him a head-on look):
I resent that.

Doug (smiles at her):
YOU don't shoot like a girl!

Mark (defensively):
Too much kibitzing around here for me to concentrate!

Doug (chuckles):
Sure, Mark, make an excuse!

Their fun is interrupted by the sound of EMT's coming into the ER. Cut to show EMT's rushing down the hall with a gurney. On the gurney is a four year old boy, unconscious, and bleeding from various visible wounds. An EMT is giving him CPR even as the gurney is still in motion. Doug is the first one to the side of the EMT's.

Doug (glancing over the boy quickly):
What have we got.

EMT (shakes his head):
Not good...four year old from a auto crash...no child seat...no seat belt...he's been out since we got him and we haven't had any response in 15 minutes.

Mark (looks around quickly):
Take him to three, Doug!

Doug (nods, quickly):
I got it!

Mark follows close behind Doug and the team goes to work on the child. Doug takes over the CPR and Mark begins working diligently over the child. The child is hooked up to a heart monitor, but, the line is already flat. The team makes attempts with several rounds of shock, but, nothing happens. Doug does not give up his manual efforts and continues to pump the tiny chest with his fingers without ever once looking up. Finally, Mark steps away and shakes his head to the rest of the team.

Mark (comfortingly, beside Doug):
He's gone, Doug. Let him go.

Doug (doesn't look at Mark, continues to pump the child's chest):
He's four years old, Mark! He can't be dead! He hasn't even lived yet!

Mark (takes Doug by the arm and repeats his sentence more sternly)
He's gone, Doug! Let him GO!

Doug reluctantly lets Mark back him away from the patient. Focus cut on Doug's face. He closes his eyes against the pain he is feeling from this loss. One by one, the team leaves the trauma unit. Just as Doug steps into the hallway, Jerry looks up over the counter.

Jerry:
Hey, Doug, Dr. Raypert called to confirm your appointment this morning? You got about 15 minutes to get there.

Doug (shakes his head):
Oh, God.
(steps over to the counter and puts his head down against his fists)
No way. Not today. Not now. I'll call him and reschedule for this afternoon.

Mark (standing beside Doug quietly):
I think you should go...

Doug (turns on him quickly):
Did I ask you what you think, Mark? This is my call! Not yours! I'm not up to it right now! I'll reschedule it for a better time!

Mark (gives it right back to him):
A better time for who? For Raypert? Or for you? I think you should go now. In fact, as your supervisor, I'm am INSISTING that you keep this appointment!

Doug (defensively):
Don't pull that rank with me, Mark!
(pushes past Mark and walks away)

Mark (calling):
Doug!
(Mark starts to go after him but Carol reaches over the counter and grabs Mark by the arm quickly)

Carol:
Let me go! Let me talk to him!

Mark (turns to her quickly):
What can you say that I can't?

Carol (shrugs):
Maybe nothing, but, maybe I can say it a little better. You're a great physician, Mark, and a good supervisor, but, your people skills need a little brushing up sometimes.

Carol steps around Mark and follows Doug down the hall. She catches him at the end of it, leaning his head forward against the wall. She comes up to him slowly, and touches his shoulder gently.

Carol:
Doug? Are you OK?

Doug (doesn't look at her):
Yeah. I'll be fine.

Carol (comfortingly):
I really think you should keep your appointment with Raypert right now. I think it could do you some good.

Doug (still doesn't look at her):
I can't. Doesn't anybody understand that? There's no way I can talk to him right now...

Carol (takes his shoulders and turns him to look at her):
You don't get it, do you? This is the best time to talk to him. Your emotions are on your sleeve. All of your defenses have been stripped away. This could be the turning point of your therapy if you go in there and talk to him now.

Doug (shakes his head, looks away from her):
I can't...

Carol (turns his face to look at her):
I'll go with you. I'll go all to the way to the door with you. And I'll wait outside until it's over for you.

Doug (looks at her carefully, his eyes reflect his inner pain):
You will?

Carol (nods, takes his arm in her hand):
Sure. And, when it's over, I'll take you home, give you some aspirin, and put you in bed. There were plenty of nights I wished someone besides my Mother had been there to do that for me. You don't even have your Mother at home with you.
(smiles sadly at him)
Come on. Let's go.

Reluctantly, Doug lets her lead him to the elevator. She keeps hold of his arm as they wait together for the doors to open. They ride together silently, with Doug fidgeting nervously from side to side on his feet. When the doors open, he walks out beside Carol and she stays with him all the way to the door to Raypert's office. Like a Mother sending a child off to school for the first time, she gives him reassuring comfort in her voice and her actions that everything will be OK.

Carol (both hands on Doug's shoulders):
I'll wait right here until you come out, OK?

Doug (nods):
OK.

Carol smiles sadly and touches his cheek with her hand. He opens the door slowly and goes into Raypert's office, closing the door behind him, and closing her away from him.

Cut to show time lapse. Carol is still sitting in the waiting room outside Raypert's office. Pan from the door to show Mark coming into the waiting area. He sees her and makes his way over to her to sit down beside her.

Mark (looks at his watch):
It's been 2 hours. Do you suppose he's OK in there?

Carol (nods slowly):
He's in good hands. Raypert would have called for back up if something was wrong.

Mark (touches her shoulder):
What about you? Are you OK?

Carol (shrugs):
I've never seen him like that. I've never seen him this vulnerable. I hope I did the right thing sending him in there like that.

Mark (surprised by this statement):
You HOPE? You mean you aren't sure?

Carol:
Well, I know from my own personal experience that when I was this vulnerable, I had good sessions and got a lot of things out on the table. I can only hope it will work that way with Doug.
(Looks at her watch)
It's been forever. I'm really starting to get worried.

Cut to show Raypert's door opening and Dan standing in the doorway. He sees Carol and smiles, motioning for her with his hand.

Raypert:
Carol? Could you come in here? Please?

Carol gets up quickly and goes to Raypert's door with a concerned look on her face. Cut back to show Mark also concerned.

Cut back to show Raypert quietly conversing with Carol.

Raypert (smiles):
No cause for alarm. He just mentioned you were waiting for him and I just wanted to be sure you were actually here. I don't want him driving. He's pretty drained.

Carol (in a quiet hush):
Is he OK?

Raypert (nods):
I think we made tremendous progress today. Come on in. He's ready to leave.

Carol follows Raypert into the office. Doug is sitting in the chair, but, more on the edge of it. His face reflects the emotional storm that has passed...his eyes red with evidence of dried tears on his cheeks. Carol stoops down beside him to peer back up at him with a sad smile.

Carol:
Ready to go home?
(Doug nods and reaches over for Carol's hand of support, which she readily gives to him)

Raypert:
Doug, I'm going to give Carol a couple of sleeping pills for you...

Doug (softly):
I won't need them. I'll be OK.

Raypert (hands the pills to Carol):
Just in case. They're very mild.
(Carol nods. Raypert pats Doug on the shoulder and his patient stands up to leave)
I want to see you again tomorrow, Doug. We'll pick this up where we left off. You'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

Doug (nods):
Thanks.

Raypert (to Carol):
I'll call and leave an appointment time with him later. Just take him home. He's fine.

Raypert stands in the door and watches as Carol walks out slowly with Doug. Once they are in the waiting room, Mark stands up to get on the other side of their friend with her and the two of them together support Doug as they wait for the elevator. Just before the doors open, Doug slips one arm around a shoulder of each of his supporters.

Fade Act Four to Black.

"ER"

"A Matter of Confidence"

Closing Act

Scene opens at the nurse's station in the ER. Carol is working over files when Mark comes in and checks on charts.

Mark (not looking up):
Doug here?

Carol (makes her notes, doesn't look up either):
In a session with Dr. Raypert. He should be back most any time now.

Mark:
How was he the other night? When you took him home?

Carol:
He was fine. He just needed some sleep.

Mark:
That was a really great thing you did for him. I don't know if I would have been able to stay with him like you did. I don't know if I would have known how to handle him or what to say.

Carol (shrugs):
You didn't need to say or do anything. Just needed to be there. But, it was OK. I was glad to do it.

Their conversation is briefly interrupted by Doug and Carter going out a different door with a basketball with them. They are laughing and joking between them and do not notice Mark and Carol watching them.

Carter:
I'll spot you 5 points and I bet I still beat you!

Doug (in total seriousness):
Oh, you're ON!

The two of them disappear out the door and Mark turns back to Carol with a sigh.

Mark:
Looks like an interesting game. Should we go watch?

Carol (shakes her head):
I can't. Got too much to do here. They could probably use a referee, though. Maybe you should go.

Mark starts away but turns back one last time to Carol.

Mark (quietly):
I still think it was a good thing, what you did for Doug with Raypert.

Carol (shrugs):
He would have done the same for me if he could have. Besides, Mark, I have to take care of him. I love him.

Focus on Mark as he gives Carol a very surprised look. Pan back to show Carol with a nonchalant smile.

Fade to Black.